back to letter 01.19.01

what.

idiots. were we not on idiots.

i'm a bit of an idiot when it comes to women. or when there are none.

i forget how to write. my right arm is still fucked from its fuckedness and i have forgotten to be geduldig. if it gets too hot, i'll put the hammock up.

it is impossible not to think of sex for extended periods.

_duck stop_

and just when one gives up and doesn't know nothin', it seems you're coming back from the jungle and i don't know you but we see something and think we might like each other. if i was someone else watching us, i might wonder if it wasn't the first time i'd seen you. that i remembered you.

from before the experiment.

i'm certain everything is how it is. and we are the ones in control.

oh fuck. me.

on friday. till monday.

love.

_duck stop_

part of what's wrong with me is that i write. i used to write because it seemed to help me understand what my head was doing.

this afternoon hab ich dich geruffen. but only in my head. i don't have your number. so i wasn't even surprised. somehow it made sense that suddenly you are there. in a body i hadn't seen you in before.

now that might sound fiction. i fuckin' bloody hope so. but chance dictates my writing and my writing decides what i see. which is backwards and mad but this is the 19th letter and the next book is backwards and i'm glad i know a bunch of shit, otherwise i'd have to think my imagination has taken me hostage. but it is me that is doing the imagining and i have seen the things how they are. and though tomorrow i may believe something else. tonight i saw you.

maybe we can touch.

_duck stop_

i was going to start the history lesson today. the priest who stole heaven. this is a little known story on account the priests run the planet. though they don't fuckin' have a clue how.

to do it.

six thousand years ago life was not easy. but it was life and there were moments in everyone's life where life had such a magic that one knew one was in it. was it, looking at it, being looked at by it. heaven. the universe is real and so were we. we knew it.

till the priest played a dirty trick with cheep technology.

no one knows what he had. maybe tv.

but he convinced us to believe there was a god that gave us life when we died.


letter 01.19.03