back to letter 01.19.02

a nice thought. i play with the hope of it.

but. it is more likely that we get to have, and must have, life to perceive we are in heaven. depending what a me is. if we don't take it so personal, someone like me is a constant probability, as long as life is how it is.

which it ain't often. so just 'cause we are alive in heaven don't mean a god. in fact, it is more probable for life to want to make some. not one. that's sick megalomania. many. from one celled sulphur eaters up till now, where we get killer primates evolving into angels. gods are a thing for the future. not the past. and not for death. there already is a heaven. i think if we make life our religion and nothing else. we, or other wes like us, will see it.

and when we see it. the priests will hang their heads in shame and say. sorry. we didn't know.

which is no reason for a pardon. but by now it may be true.

one thing we are very good at, and it may be our luck, is forgetting. so we can't burn the priests. or their followers. ignorance is no excuse but it has become a fatal disease.

i love you. every time i see into your eyes.

this is all a bit weird. i think we are missing something real big and obvious.

shit. i'd rather write than go to sleep.

_duck stop_

i did throw myself in bed. now that it's another day, it's no longer yesterday. each day does that. and they go by way too fast. i don't feel old and on most days i don't look it. i feel the pain. i've given it to myself. i could have slowed down. if there had been more days allotted to my life.

when i was your age, i was in college. and you weren't.

if i was someone else, i would tell me to get a grip. my arms are too beaten. blood still oozes from my wound. i'm not looking forward to going to the usa. i thought i had that well behind me.

it will be fine in the desert. i've a friend there. the enemy has gotten weaker through their own exposure. they won't know.

who you are or who i was.

did i leave anything out.


love john rah