back to 01.08.01

in german, one doesn't fall in love. verliebt wird mann. i'm reading the mist of avalon. that doesn't help matters, seen from a material reality view. which is changing every day and ironically putting the matter of matter to question.

so where does that leave us. it leaves me admittedly deranged in love. but i've had worse conditions and not wanted to recover from them either. i'm willing to remodel reality somewhat if i can have her love.

this is causing strange events in my life. and i like it. am actually to a point where i don't care what she does. i've got the story now.

and a few days ago i saw her without recognizing her. and was in love before i saw who she was. and seeing her for the first time as a woman.

which is all understandable.

just like i understand if you don't see it fitting to write. don't do it for me. even with inspiration of angels, i write because i want to write. and no real reason beyond it. let them take what they chose. someone will. they always do. that's why we write on other days. or act. like we are like we are.

i still want your love.

maybe one more chance meeting for a drink or ice cream.

_duck stop_

i read a story by, i think, robert silverberg. short story about some guy in an outpost. way out. so that he had a live in wife from a planet other than his. she was ignorant and he assumed dumb. but not a friend. he taught her to read. she read everything and understood widow one day. so that he was left out in the cold. a long way to the next planet.

i'm all for equal if the women agree to it. if we can get that guys, i think we take it quick. i'm not opposed to kissing the feet of a woman. or an ass.

in fact. i'll stop now.

_bunny stop_

i saw a huge silver fish jumping over the ocean. we were high up on a hill.

"tuna"

someone had seen me watching. it wasn't one fish. it was many moving as one. looking like a big one.

fish might be basically stupid. but i thought that was quite an interesting trick.

pretty smart for a fish, or, well.

me.

_duck stop_

francisca. i'll go somewhere for the third page. if money is there, library.


letter 01.08.03