Letter to Laetitia:
Warming up Ranting.


laetitia_part_04

"Time out."

"What's up, why you turn off my worberizer."

"Sorry, it's just you've been in it 3 months and I thought you would like a glass of water."

"You interrupted me for that?"

"Sorry, thought we could go outside."

"Too dangerous."

"I suppose, there could be humans."

"Ya, ones more desperate than you."

"They might kill us."

"And take our money."

"Better watch TV."

"Or go back in the worberizer."

And in a way, it is true. But not in a way that will help the situation. I mean, let's just forget about God and look after our selves. And at least a small percentage of our efforts geared toward keeping what is in a state of repair that can support us.

"I mean really, why we going on about gods, why don't we rather work in that direction, or some direction, anything but going backwards."

But Laetitia, I wanted to know a bit about you. How many marriage proposals do you get a day? I hope they aren't all books, you never get through them all.

I'm not quite as pretty as you are but pretty enough that the women show some pretty serious signs of not being opposed to some kind of, and that's what I don't know. What kind of a what. But the thing is, it sometimes makes me a little uneasy. I've had people insulted because I wouldn't take a sexual interest in them. The question is, how do you deal with it? I mean I almost need it so can put up with it. You could actually start thinking you are a goddess.

There are many who worship you.

"It's hard to be humble when you are as great as I am."

"No need to be humble."

"Well, maybe a little to have a look around and see what is."

"Yah man, what is?"

"Is is what is."

"Yo, is is in man."

"Ay gut, stay real."

"Far out man, a tree."

"Should we eat it."

Sorry, lost the path here. Did we leave any points unfinished?


_bunnie stop_


Laetitia, part of the reason I want to write a few hundred page letter is that I want to try to include a few points. I sometimes sound like I think I'm God. Sometimes I am a rat.

Shit, sometimes I think I have something to write and now I don't which is okay, I want to go back to Richy's to do a little more work. I actually like my work. It has given me a little more focus to my direction and keeps me from sinking into some sort of depression.

But we talk later. You understand that I have other things to do sometimes.


_bunnie stop_


ANM, NMA, JWP, BCFofGaMM, somehow it's all a joke but on the other hand not at all, I'm not serious about much of what I post in the web but I am serious. And my seriousness is in all of it, even if it seems like a joke.

That likely doesn't matter to you. I can imagine most of the things I do don't matter to you. I am working on changing that, to say just for you would not be true, I do it because I like doing more than not doing enough the last while and I like what I'm doing. Reason, there are always enough for anything you decide. Reason enough not to do what you decide.

When I'm honest, I can't imagine there is much chance that you ever read this. But it is a humble honesty and I have to accept that my not so humble honesty believes other things. I believe I will be writing for many very soon, it's ready now, I'm ready now. I've worked at becoming talented enough to call myself a writer. I do it with a little pride now.

I will reach the world with my brain. I don't have quite the body you do. If I thought you were just a body, I wouldn't write this letter. The fact could be that I want to influence you anyway I can. I think you may have to be more responsible than some models. I think your image is too important not to use it to make a few improvements. The fact that you don't seem to spend all your spare time being rich and famous makes me think you might not be looking for the same thing most super stars are looking for.

Admittedly, that doesn't draw us to the conclusion that we are made for each other. My wife and I were made for each other once then not anymore. People and directions can change.

This change thing is what I'm putting my hope on. I hope I can made you believe I am the man for you though no one else would think so, sometimes not even me when I think where I am from and where I am. And the fact that we don't even know each other is something to reckon with as well. The fact that I'm not really suited for a serious relationship is something else to my disadvantage.

I quite often need to write at one in the morning and may not be done till five.

The nice thing about late night writing is that there is nothing else left. Anything that had to be done is either done or put off till the next day.

I mean, really, there are enough reasons to not give a thought about me, in my opinion, they aren't enough to give up hope. If I offend you with my unfounded declaration of love, forgive me, it is the mad man in me that doesn't understand impossible. I've decided that you aren't looking for the kind of people who are looking for you. I want only to alert you to myself in case it is one just as me who you are looking for. And if you read this letter and still think it would be a good idea to meet me for any reason, I would trust your judgment whatever your decision.

I will make you read this though. I have to. I will send it to you first, if I think you haven't read it because a manager or someone didn't think it was something for a model citizen to read, I will make it a best seller, Letter to Laetitia, fourth in a series of I don't know how many letters I can write. Paul wrote quite a few that rocked the world, I can write better than him and have even more to say. Allow me to misquote the Bible, as much as I dislike Christianity, I enjoy the book.

Now I forgot. It wasn't about jamming your talents under a rock and losing them. I like that one though. If you have talent, use it. Or lose it. Cool thing to say.

Oh, how could I forget the other one, although my grandmother said it as well, doesn't matter what you have or achieve, without love it doesn't really matter. That is both beautiful and frightening. It is almost a threat as much as a promise. If you do what you do without love, forget it.

What my grandmother said was decide with your heart.

I'm still certain that when it comes to sharing ones life with someone, it is the only way. For me. I can't have it any other way and would rather stay on my own than deal with the stress of a woman in my life unless it is all for love.

And I will have to still believe that even if my first marriage was pretty fast at an end.

Now I believe the woman from across the way is watching me write here at my kitchen table, a 100 year old table which I restored and it is beautiful. It was well worth the effort.

I'm willing to make an even more determined effort to find love. And if I am completely off my hairy nut thinking I should chose to be in over with you, you can tell me, I won't give you my heart on a silver platter if you don't want it. I mean, hell, I gotta still use the thing.

Okay Laetitia, I have a supper brake now. Till later.


_bunnie stop_


Okay, I had 12 more thoughts as I listen to Bob Marley. Even musical tastes can be a problem. I don't listen to too much blues, but sometimes I have to, it isn't for everyone. Some people don't understand the simplicity of it's whatever. Sometimes I listen to
Offspring when I do a few push ups to wake up in the morning. I'm not top fit, but I like push ups better than coffee.

I have nothing against coffee so long as I can use it when I want a kick and not every morning to wake up.

But none of that takes us anywhere. I have a feeling I am writing now to get the ink out of my pen. Which is often the case, write until you get inspired, my second novel was like that. I wrote for months before I realized I had a story. I had to write it again but that is the way for the first few novels, I likely wouldn't start a novel if I didn't have a good idea what I want. And I don't always like to write when I know what I want. I like to write to see what comes out. I know there is enough in there to fill hundreds of pages so why not get it out. Maybe I come up with something worth reading. I think even if I have a style that is enjoyable to read, some will read and enjoy it if I get to a point or not. Maybe if you ignore this letter and I figure you have no interest, I use that somehow to my advantage. I don't know how but I know I will. I like using disappointing occurrences as a springboard to make the best out of it. I mean if one can believe anything, why not believe that no matter what happens, if we let it, life has much to offer. I can take a good depression on occasions but I even use them to my advantage. I let that be a character in my writing. It can be, but it can't hold me back.

"Back form what."

"Back from going on."

"Onto what."

"Onto what I believe I have to do."

"Like writing a letter to a complete stranger who can have any man on the planet."

"She doesn't want any man on the planet."

"She wants just you."

"Could be, I have to at least check with her. Like, was it the Dead Kennedys or someone said, ‘It's better to regret the things you have done rather than the things you haven't done.'

"Is that true?"

"Not likely, but it sort of fits here."

"If you can't convince yourself, how you going to alert Laetitia?"

"Well have to see."

Oh, look, it's getting so dark I can't see what I'm writing.

"And another thing, some people would be pretty impressed if they got a letter that looked like a book. They'd even be happy to know it was published."

"And you are going to publish it."

"I don't know, we see what Laetitia thinks, if she thinks it's a crock of shit, than maybe we will."

"You mean you won't."

"Why not."

"Oh, shut up."


_bunnie stop_



by Joanne B. Washington

read on. laetitia_part_05



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