Letter to Laetitia:
Warming up Ranting.


laetitia_part_05

One other thing though before I go for a little walk or something.

"I'll say it."

"Okay, you say it."

"You must be pretty damned arrogant if you think you can write a letter that will convince Laetitia she should love you."

"Donut mistake arrogance. Arrogance is almost always over condensation for a need."

"That's nice, make your arrogance a redeeming characteristic."

"I have only redeeming characteristics."

"If you believe it."

"I do."


_bunnie stop_


Let's try a little writing by candlelight. Do you get a chance to see movies? I don't have a TV so the only time I catch a movie is in the cinema. My last film to see was Matrix. The story, I thought quite brilliant.

But we talk about that later. Maybe you aren't even ready for a serious relationship. What is serious? Is this guy serious?

I have a serious problem. I'm writing so much I won't have the time to type it out. I can type pretty fast. Maybe faster than most.

But what I was going to tell you is that I wanted an hour of not being alone so I went to visit Dominik. He lives with Andi and Mauro, not important to know but we played a video game thing. Computer. A trial version. I liked it. It was a little more clever than these blow ‘em up and kill ‘em all games what always make me mental.

"But at your age, computer games?"

"What age?"

"Haven't anything better to do?"

"Need a brake form ‘better to do' sometimes."

Forget those guys Laetitia. Let's move right along on our forgetting to make a point book.

I think the trouble with people is they find it hard to believe the right things. And I'm sure that TV and other media is at least partly to blame. We have to learn what we can't do. Especially here in Germany. Did I tell you I live in German?

Doesn't matter yet.

The thing is, we are starting a company.

The whole thing quite impossible. We aren't yet going but already those reminding us it was too crazy, want to work with us now. And I couldn't have done it if I was still with my wife. She demanded too much attention and might not like the idea of me being unemployed as I work on a new direction.

I had a good chat with Richy today, my NMA_Solution partner. That's just for fun. But we take it along with us. We play with photo shop and html a little and sometimes the guitars for a little blues session.

Here's my song, from before you were born. Dream on by Aerosmith. Pretty cool song for kids, what I still am and won't let go. I can't grow up even though I have. I never want to lose the seven-year old me. I still see him standing alone in the woods and I just can't leave him there.

What was the other question, Laetitia?

Ah, woman.

The thing is, I don't really want to do it again, so I try to focus my efforts on impossible chances. The thing is, my wife was also impossible. I mean not really, but she was in my home town, third home town, and I saw here in the cafe with a friend. I had to talk to her, so I did. If I had thought about it, perhaps I wouldn't have.

She was the most beautiful woman to have entered the cafe in quite some time. She was magical and I was enchanted. I was glad to hear she was from Germany and had a boyfriend. A little more space to think. But all I could do was love her and thinking was out of the question. That's why I'm in Germany. And Germany has been good for me. I've had to wake up a little and figure out a new language, be a husband and all the lot.

I liked being a husband, we managed that bet quite well. We burned each other out and stood in each other’s way. I'm on my way now, I have to, I have no option. Either I work my nuts off or I flip. Everything has to start happening. And this letter could be seen as distraction but I have to allow for the chance that I will have love in my life.

And as I've told you, I want yours.

I could give you reasons but none of them matter. When a thing is, it is. I just have to find out how to actualize it. I have to rely a little on chance but chance seems to be good to me. Of course I can't leave it all to chance. I'm not religious; at least I don't have an official religion and try to focus on facts. Doesn't always work, but I'm convinced my chances will increase if I can get you to know of me.

Then I can only hope that my ideas of what are in your head are somehow true and you already know you are waiting to find me. I have to believe that will happen.

Are we going around in circles too much here?

Has anyone else sent you a book?

What are your beliefs?

Have you read and of my ranting on my Jose Wombat pages? Do you like the philosophy of Jose or do you rather think he is a tit?

If you think he's a tit, we have troubles before we start.

But no sense looking for trouble. That's the kind of thing you don't need a map for. Of course there is no real trouble, just situations to deal with. With which one must deal. For anyone interested in English. Do you speak English?

But aside from things that don't make money, we have almost got the Alba on line. We could have had it online a year ago and developed it online. But we did it backwards. I'm convinced we have done it the right way. We will see likely before we even meet.

But I think it better that I write you now, still a man with no money. Just dreams and hopes, smarts and talent. And some of the best partners. A nice feeling actually, to build a company on nothing but desire. We are already a team of experts. We better get the fuckin' thing rockin' soon or I really flip.

"Okay, we have a problem here."

"And what's that?"

"You are rambling like -

Laetitia, there are only a few pages in this book. I will write 4 more. I started my first letter 10 years ago. The third one, I take a brake from, Eva won't mind. She'll understand if I'm in love with you. She might even be one of the few, should they know I was writing this letter, and no one does, and no one will until you do, what was it. Oh, she would think it was pretty. Eva and Alexis were two of my best friends in Toronto. My roommates for a while as well. They gave me the woman company I needed.

I've gone through a few times when I had no interest in women and relationships. Rather a few good friends and forget sex. As much as sex is a pleasant thing, it ain't usually any sense.

I'm sure I'll do it once more but not so soon.

But to finish with Richy, I don't remember bringing anything to a point tonight. He is losing his patients with his woman. They are to move in together next month. I don't see it working. All I can see is either he realizes he can't do it, or he does it and it is a disaster. Those aren't the only possibilities, but the only ones I can see. She demands too much pampering. Richy needs too much space.

But I can't see anything. It isn't for me. I can listen to him and say what I think. But mostly I can't really say too much. I can't say, fuckin' forget it. Just call it quits. But that is easier said than done. When it is inevitable, it is better to do it strait away and not piss about with feelings what will only get worse when it is dragged on when there is no real love anymore. And I can see it because I had it. Perhaps she will see it first and end it. Sometimes woman can be quicker to a point than men.

But that was a bit of sarcasm. I would never suggest men are more to the point than women. Women are more like woman, their biology dictates it, and men aren't. I mean, sure, but different.

Follow.

Look, you can decide to love me now if you want and I can read you, or rather you me, the rest and I'll try make it clear.

I'll also try to make more sense in the next book. I promise. Well, I can't promise, but I'll try. Are there any topics you want to hear about?

"She hasn't got the book yet?"

"She can't answer now, then."

"Or then now. Perhaps then then."

"Yes, of course, Meshe. Sheme. Or Meshesheme, no Sheme Meshe, doesn't matter."

"What are you on about? The poor woman will think you have flipped your lid and report you to some intelligence agency."

"Not a chance. I think she already loves me. Its just a matter of her finding me."

"Try and add in the paper."

"Donut think that would cut it with Laetitia."

"No, you're likely right."

"She needs a book."

"I'm sure she has a library card."

"But this book proclaiming my love to her, she needs as soon as I can finish it and put it out."

"You better make it look nice."

"With a cover and all, you mean."

"Ya, this present has to be properly presented so she isn't offended but honored."

"Should I get famous first."

"I don't think so. You should rather not be famous with the nonsense you produce."

"They need it."

"I'm sure they do."

Laetitia, this is the end of book 1.

Love Steve



by Joanne B. Washington

read on. dear_laetitia_part_01



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