there's no getting around it. i gotta include my favorite sunday school teacher. sunday school ain't a big thing here.
i'm gonna admit a bunch of things here and not use a cuss word or blaspheme. it will be the only letter of its nature.
you have no idea how often i think of you. you are one of the few christians i know that i think christ will, should your belief be true, and i know you know it is. i sort of buy it. just backwards. i'd like to meet him with you. i'd tell him of our sessions with revelations. the other kids likely thought i was tripping. i'd tell him about our pizza nights as i was applying to officially leave the church.
if he asked, i'd tell him i left the church because i did not believe.
if he asked, i'd tell him that not being able to believe set me on my way to become a writer and a reader. i would tell him that not only could i not believe in the church, i had big trouble with the state. caesar was a murdering thief.
i would explain what people did with his name. how many lives lost in bloody wars and genocide.
but he would have to know all that if he is.
i think he's been misinterpreted. i don't believe it was his intention to institutionalize god, i don't believe he thought he was the one son of god. i believe he believed in angels. and i believe i know what he saw when he believed he saw them. he was hot to bust up stoned, petrified, beliefs. they were causing more harm than good.
he was one of the angels. the one that took it upon himself to become the storie. there is nothing more important than the story after we are all dead. it's what our children's children have to go on.
_peace duck stop_
i don't know who i might have told about my laughing fit in the college library. it popped in my head again. four of us sat at a table all with books that had nothing to do with architecture. i'd only been reading a couple years and was having a great time reading the different ways people approached understanding it. us in it.
i didn't suddenly think everything was absurd. suddenly it was absurd. and laughing was my first reaction. i started folding my things together straight away. the laugh was a little out of control and fighting it would have been absurd.
my friends all followed me out to see what was up.
no idea. it was suddenly so clear. transparent.