barbaralba's translation of the new testament
BARBARALBA BIBLE

THE NEW NEW TESTAMENT

The Letter From PETER

 

chapter 01

Peter tells us Jesus is the answer.

"What was the question."

"Who the fuck is going to end the power of religion and give it back to life."

vs. 5: revealed at the end of time. EQ

This doesn't work. Time and space are not two separate things. And for the revealing of things, space-time is a very good thing to have.

But that is physics and we'll get to that when we have left the hotel of belief.

vs. 7: ...Then you will receive praise and glory and honour on the Day when Jesus Christ is revealed. EQ

Don't pull his hair out as a souvenir. He is a man. Like any other rock star. Or Basketball player. Or bar tender.

vs. 12: ... These are things which even the angels would like to understand. EQ

Well, the angel is you, and understanding is a life time process. Always be a student. Wake up a little every day.

Work less for the man. Buy less shit. Sing and play more.

vs. 14: Be obedient to God, and do not allow your lives to be shaped by those desires you had when you were still ignorant. EQ

Television watchers and shit hoarders.

vs. 19: it was the costly sacrifice of Christ, who was a lamb without defect or flaw. EQ

Thanks for the flattery, Pete. But Jesus Christ is just a man. And he is not good. Just brutally honest.

And brutal honesty makes learning much easier. And very rewarding.

chapter 02

Anyone can be Christ.

"Who the hell would wanna be."

Point taken.

vs :1: Rid yourselves, then, of all evil; no more lying or hypocrisy or jealousy or insulting language. EQ

This don't mean you can't say fuck you in a song or something. This religious stuff is trying to teach stupid people how to be civilized.

Obedient.

vs. 9: But you are the chosen race, the King's priests, the holy nation, God's own people... EQ

Bull Shit.

And like everyone else, Peter or someone 200 years later, wrote not to have sex. And if you do. Don't like it.

Which again only makes sense for cultures where the kings go around raping virgins.

And we don't need that shit.

vs. 13: For the sake of the Lord submit to every human authority; to the Emperor... EQ

There are still people who believe God appoints the leaders to be leaders.

"George Bush is God's man. And the Jews are the chosen race."

"No. George is an idiot puppet for the war lords and many of them are Jewish. And they are all criminally insane inbred pricks."

chapter 03

Peter need not write. He's too Jewish for a Christian.

"What's the difference."

"Fuck. Don't ask me."

Women are not to dress up, wear jewellery or wear make up, show cleavage and all the rest. Says the Jews.

vs. 6: Sarah was like that; she obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are now her daughters if you do good and are not afraid of anything. EQ

Children. Wake up. Sarah was whored out by Ab to a king for goats, sheep and silver. And had the King's kid.

Ab was an asshole and wanted to burn the bastard son Isaac.

So fuck off about Ab.

vs. 7: They are the weaker sex. EQ

Why any woman would accept Jewdaism, Christianity or Islam is beyond me. Unless they truly are weak in the head.

It's a fuckin' bloody book. Do not submit to your husbands. If your husband is not content to be your equal, leave him. If he beats you and won't let you go, kill him.

"You can't say that."

I can if I'm sick and tired of the planet killing Men's Club. Fucking cock worshippers.

There is a vagina as well.

Ignorance is suicidal.


peter chapters 04 - 05