barbaralba's translation of the new testament
BARBARALBA BIBLE

THE NEW NEW TESTAMENT

Letter to the HEBREWS

 

chapter 04

I had a very nice nap today. 20 or 30 minutes and afterwards I felt real fine. And I went out to play with my friends' children. We put our feet in the river and later played in the puddles.

And it was much more real and relevant than this chapter. They go on about taking a rest. God was pissed at his chosen race and told them to die in the desert. They could wait a few thousand years for the promised land.

And they got Jesus as the high priest. Over the everything. Which is simply a lie.

Throne next to God up in heaven.

And I don't know who to cuss.

chapter 05

This shit is complete Moses is God madness.

vs. 4: No one chooses for himself the honour of being high priest. It is only by God's call that a man is made a high priest - just as Aaron was. EQ

Who is responsible for this shit.

Christ rejected the synagogue. He was not a high priest.

vs. 6: ... "You will be a priest for ever. EQ

Okay. That's it. Go fuck yourself.

vs. 10: and God declared him to be high priest, in the priestly order of Melchizedek. EQ

What the fuck are you people on.

How the fuck this get in here. Hebrews. He brews 40% brandy. Gets sloppy drunk and writes some fantasy shit and some pinhead puts it in the Bible.

And no one says anything.

Are you all on crack.

chapter 06

vs :1: Let us go forward, then, to mature teaching and leave behind us the first lessons of the Christian message. EQ

I think this was written, Hebrews, later than the gospels and Paul's ranting.

And it was written by a priest who was a descendant of Melchizedek. Who was famous for sweet piss all.

Jesus is simply getting buried under more and more shit so that he becomes a pointless icon on a cross 2000 years. No one has a clue at all what the fountain of youth meant to Jesus. People simply believe. Or pretend to believe for there is no way they understand the bible. Not a fuckin' chance in hell.

A bloody shit storm.

All popes are antichrists. All institutions of religion are antichrists.

vs. 14: He said, "I promise you that I will bless you and give you many descendants." EQ

He said, he said. But he was full of shit.

"Except Ab does have half a billion descendants."

"No. Isaac wasn't his kid. So the whole thing is simply bullshit."

vs. 16: ... and the vow settles all arguments. EQ

No it don't.

vs. 18: ... God cannot lie. EQ

Very true. On account God the he in the sky, don't exist. Human assholes exist.

Fuckin' myopic megalomaniac idiot sperm mad primates exist.

And Jesus weren't no priest of high rank of Melchezadick.


hebrews chapters 07 - 09