steve howard's update of the new testament
BARBARALBA BIBLE

THE NEW NEW TESTAMENT

Paul's first letter to the TIMOTHY

 

chapter 01

vs. 4: Tell them to give up their legends and those long lists of ancestors... EQ.

Paul is not only referring to his Jewish friends, he includes anyone that thinks differently than he does. Paul is sick of the old ignorant superstitions and prefers faith in Jesus Christ.

If we can agree that he is striving to understand that this Jesus Christ character is our maturing awareness and common sense, we could agree with him. The biggest trouble is that everything remains as symbols and icons.

Vs. 8: We know that the Law is good if it is used as it should be used. 9. It must be remembered, of course, that laws are made, not for good people, but for lawbreakers and criminals, for the godless and sinful, for those who are not religious or spiritual, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, 10. For the immoral, for sexual perverts, for kidnappers, for those who lie and give false testimony or who do anything else contrary to sound doctrine. EQ.

“So he makes it clear that laws are made for the ruling class.”

“I don’t imagine that is what he meant, but maybe. It certainly does describe them well. The only thing we might need to update is ‘sound doctrine’ to common sense. Common decency.”

vs. 18: Use those words as weapons in order to fight well... EQ.

Use your language to communicate ideas. And if you know something is bullshit, say so. Sing it. Write it. Like so many do already. Be a member of the beast angels who are the guardians of life rather than mute servants to the lie. The grand illusion.

It’s us. We gotta do it. And now is the time for action. The gates of heaven are opened.

vs. 20: Among them are Hymenacus and Alexander, whom I have punished by handing them over to the power of Satan; this will teach them to stop their blasphemy. EQ.

“Paul the self-righteous Super Jew telling everyone what they have to do.”

Paul did not have the authority in anyone’s name to turn anyone over to anything to teach anyone to stop any fucking goddamn blasphemy. Blasphemy is relative. Paul did not own the one ultimate truth. No one does for there simply is no ultimate truth and no way to put an ownership on it or hold it as a secret. Such notions are ignorance.

“Isn’t Satan a penis.”

“Everything is a penis. The universe is an orgasm. God is an atheist.”


chapter 02

Paul had real serious trouble with women.

“He hates and resents them.”

vs. 5: For there is one God, and there is one who brings God and mankind together, the man Christ Jesus... EQ.

“Hang on. Here’s an idea. Jesus Christ was a woman.”

“Why do you say that.”

“Paul makes me think so. But let us call Jesus Christ instinct. Common sense is instinct. The war is against the woman. We attribute instinct to woman.”

“Well, it’s a nice thought. I think Jesus Christ was a man that knew the woman half of himself. The left side. The side left behind when the world was made into a man’s shopping mall. The merchant’s take over. The death of Esau.”

“And anyway. Whatever.”

vs. 7: ... the message of faith and truth. I am not lying... EQ.

Well, he is. First lie here is, one God. That is the Moses tyranny paranoia. One big mother hater in the sky that blots out bad non-Jews. And Jews too. Holy patriarchy. Personified elements.

The man Jesus Christ is a spokesman for the fish. He is a voice for the animals that have no voice in the primate theater.

It is an illusion, a grand farce, to believe that Jesus Christ is a man that went away to hang out in heaven with his dad, God. Waiting a couple thousand years to drop back down on earth to raise hell will all those who don’t do what Paul has instructed. In fact. Religion is insanity.

Vs. 9. I also want the women to be modest and sensible about their clothes and to dress properly; not with fancy hair styles or with gold ornaments or pearls or expensive dresses, 10. but with good deeds, as is proper for women who claim to be religious. 11. Women should learn in silence and all humility. 12. I do not allow them to teach or to have authority over men; they must keep quiet. EQ.

But hang on. If you are a woman and wondering why Paul has decided this for you.

Vs. 13. For Adam was created first, and then Eve. EQ.

So there. And we all know God created Adam first because we read it in a book written by mad men who invented the idea that there was a God. In the book. Not enough. Okay.

Vs. 14: And it was not Adam who was deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and broke God’s law. EQ.

So shut the fuck up, serve and obey you dirty whores. Snake fuckers.

vs. 15: But a woman will be saved through having children, if she perseveres in faith and love and holiness, with modesty. EQ.

“Now ain’t that fucking clear.”

“Why the fuck do women put up with religion.”

“Why the fuck does anyone put up with religion.”

“I must be a test to see how fucking stupid primates still are.”


chapter 03

Paul hands out rules. Church leaders can have only one wife. Meaning he can’t divorce and marry again. Can’t love money or get drunk or fight or rape little boys and girls in public.

“And is a man.”

vs. 10: They should be tested first... EQ.

He’s talking about religious leaders.

“So how do you test a religious leader.”

“Ask them the important questions such as: why did God put dinosaur bones under the earth. Where did the water come from to cover the earth when God murdered everything. Why did he make Jews the chosen race. Why was Jesus nailed by the Jews. And the most important question of all, do Christians have to be circumcised.”

“And what are the answers.”

“Because God can do what he want. And the last question. No.”

Church helpers have to follow similar rules. Marry only once, make certain their children obey what they are told or else people won’t believe the helpers are any good as leaders.

Vs. 16: No one can deny how great is the secret of our religion: EQ.

“I can. Wanna watch me.”

“Sure, show them how to do it.”

“You religion has no great secret.”

“In fact, it is a crock of shit.”

“You religion is a fairy tale written by privileged scholars who knew very little about any science.”

“Wait. Science is based on knowledge and examination. Religion is based on story telling by primates that took everything personally.”

“Religion will not save us. In fact, we don’t need to be saved. We need only to awaken to the simply truth that we are here.”

“And where is here.”

“No particular place and never the same place except that we are in a traveling space ship we call the solar system. So we are here in a natural space ship speeding around a black hole in the center of the galaxy.”

“And where does everything go that is sucked into this massive black hole.”

“Some would speculate into a point.”

“What would you speculate.”

“That from this point will be born another universe.”

“So it is a hungry egg.”

“That’s how I see it. Speculation, of course.”

And to be fair. There are a few bit of wisdom revealed in the scripture: The Lords are tyrants. The priests and lawyers are their dirty lying whores. Heaven is everywhere now and forever.

Vs. 16: … He appeared in human form.
Was shown to be right by the Spirit,
And was seen by angels.
He was preached among the nations,
Was believed in throughout the world,
And was taken up to heaven. EQ.

“What other kind of form would he have.”

“Goat. Cow. Fish. Bunny.”

“What is Spirit.”

“Spirit is never really defined. It may suggest the magic of life. Maybe instinct. The power of the evolution that works through us.”

“Was he the only one the angels saw.”

“We are the angels. Most don’t know it for they fail to see it for they hold on to traditional beliefs that are mostly founded in paranoia and fear.”

“He, if we are talking about Jesus, was a teacher not a preacher.”

“True. We are all teachers and learners, or at least we could be, and when we are we will drop our silly beliefs and wake up to realize no one is taken up to heaven until we have space ships.”


timothy chapters 04 - 06