steve howard's retelling of the new testament
BARBARALBA BIBLE

THE NEW NEW TESTAMENT

Paul's first letter to the PHILIPPIANS

 

chapter 01

Like most letters, Paul repeats the words: God, Christ, Lord and me me me.

Vs. 8: God is my witness that I am telling the truth when I say that my deep feeling for you all comes form the heart of Christ Jesus himself. EQ.

“Doesn’t Paul have his own feelings.”

“No. That is his most serious ailment. He doesn’t know how he feels so he must feel using someone else’s feelings.”

“That can’t work, can it.”

“Not likely. But he can write and say whatever he wants. It is for the reader to decide if they accept it as reasonable or not.”

“Assuming the reader isn’t in an infant state of consciousness and takes everything at face value.”

vs. 18: It does not matter! I am happy about it - so long as Christ is preached in every way possible, whether from wrong or right motives. EQ.

This is very true from a marketing point of view. As long as we argue between Coke and Pepsi as to which taste better we are agreeing that they are the two that matter. And the Barbaralba Bible also, in a bit of a backwards way, plays to the story of Moses, Jesus and Paul as if it really matters. The name Jesus Christ remains one of the most used names in the western world. And is spreading the world over.

Like a virus.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ. Do you know what time it is.”

“It is time for the antivirus to take affect.”

“And what is the antivirus.”

“It is a truth serum. Not the hole truth of the secrets of the universe. There aren’t really any. Just many things we don’t yet know.”

“How will it work.”

“I can only guess and hope that it bites into the virus. The virus is a mind virus. It wipes out all old superstitions and replaces it with the three in one virus. The Judochristislam mind set. It has put the believer to sleep just as the primate was about to awaken. But it has also made it more likely to have a mass awakening by finding the antivirus to the main mind fuck virus.”

“That makes it clear.”

“It will be. Timing is everything. And the time for the awakening has come. And a little antivirus might just tip the scales off the bedside table and crash them onto the floor of reality and awaken the sleeping beasts that have evolved into angels and failed to notice.”

“I hope you are right.”

vs. 23: I am pulled in two directions. I want very much to leave this life and be with Christ which is a far better thing; 24. but for your sake it is much more important that I remain alive. EQ.

Jesus Christ, Paul. Where in heaven do you think Jesus Christ would be if he don’t stay dead.

“In heaven. Jesus Christ.”

“And where the hell is heaven, Paul.”

“Somewhere up above the sky.”

“No. It is below the protection of the sky. In all of heaven, there are very few places like the paradise we find ourselves in. A fragile thin layer of life. A perfect sanctuary in which to evolve from the inert elements to conscious angels of life in a real living paradise.”

“I don’t go to heaven when I die.”

“You got it. You are in heaven when you live. And you will be in paradise when you let it be.”


chapter 02

Fuck in heaven.

Vs. 2: I urge you, then, to make me completely happy by having the same thoughts, sharing the same love, and being one in soul and mind. EQ.

“So that when the time comes that the antivirus is written it will spread like wild fire driven by a strong wind through a dry forest.”

“Paul may have been more interested in obedience.”

It must also be noted that there is great danger in having one mind set.

It is the hope of the narrator that the antivirus will not take the place of the virus but rather balance it out to nothing. A clarity. Unlocking the last gate. Or as Paul would say, so that we become new creatures. The end of belief and the blooming of common sense. A wakeful consciousness. And understanding of instinct. A celebration of evolution. There is room for many thoughts, many ways of love, and many minds reflecting many minds.

Paul, and the established belief systems based on his ranting, attempt to make Jesus Christ look like a God above all else. A world dictator. The father who tells everyone what to do and how to be. The opposite of what the world needs.

vs. 10:
And so, in honour of the name of Jesus
all beings in heaven, on earth, and in the world below
will fall on their knees. EQ.

No. That ain’t it. We have been on our knees like ignorant frightened slaves far too long. Jesus Christ will not be worshipped. It was Jesus Christ that went on his knees to wash the feet of his disciples.

Do not worship Jesus Christ. Do not worship. Fellowship. We are social creatures. At least it is in our nature. And we will be social again.

Vs. 11: and all will openly proclaim that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father. EQ.

There is no God the Father. We are all gods. And this is what we will awaken to. There will be no more Lords.

vs. 12: ... always obey me ... obey me now ... keep on working with fear and trembling ... obey ... EQ.

Listen when I tell you. For Christ’s Sake.

Do not obey.

Think. Know. Learn. Love. Communicate.


chapter 03

Study the scripture long enough and you may just end up hopelessly mad.

vs. 2: Watch out for those who do evil things, those dogs, those men who insist on cutting the body. EQ.

He’s talking about circumcision again.

vs. 3: We do not put any trust in external ceremonies. EQ.

vs. 4: I could, of course, put my trust in such things. If anyone thinks he can trust in external ceremonies, I have even more reasons to feel that way. 5. I was circumcised when I was a week old. I am an Israelite by birth, of the tribe of Benjamin, a pure-blooded Hebrew. As far as keeping the Jewish Law is concerned, I was a Pharisee, EQ.

All those advantages. Such a Super Jew and he humbled himself to become the world’s greatest dictator for the mindset of the church.

“Which is about as different from Judaism as Pepsi is from Coke.”

vs. 13: ... forget what is behind me and do my best to reach what is ahead. EQ.

“New World Order.”

“No thank you.”

Vs. 17: Keep on imitating me, my brothers. EQ.

“He is very modest.”

“He is Paul the Super Jew. The model of self-righteous humility.”

vs. 20: We, however, are citizens of heaven, and we eagerly wait for our Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, to come from heaven. EQ.

Stop waiting. Heaven is at hand. The time is now.


philippians chapter 04