chapter 16

vs. 1: Paul traveled on to Derbe and Lystra, where a Christian named Timothy lived. His mother, who was also a Christian, was Jewish, but his father was a Greek. EQ.

“His Coke was also a Pepsi. His cat was also canine.”

“Military intelligence.”

“Jumbo shrimp.”

“Religious education.”

“But his father was a Greek.”

“And his uncle a duck fucker.”

“His aunt raise rabbits but liked raisins too.”

“Moses dictated many laws but loved raping children best.”

Vs. 3: Paul wanted to take Timothy along with him, so he circumcised him.” EQ.

“Why he do dat. He just say last chapter no must circumcise if no fucky fucky. And no strangle animals you eat.”

“But his dad was a Greek.”

“Oh, so if your father is a Greek and your mother a Christian and Jew too then you must be circumcised.”

“If you wanna hang out with Paul and have him look at your penis all the time.”

Vs. 4: As they went through the towns, they delivered to the believers the rules decided upon by the apostles and elders in Jerusalem, and told them to obey those rules. EQ

The rules that changed from day to day in dancing dualistic contradiction.

“Paul is an asshole. And hysterical. And can never make up his fuckin’ mind about the rules. Just the exact fuckin’ same as Moses with no difference at all and this you call Christianity. Is religion for suckers.”

“Ya. And the Koran is the same shit. Funny they all kill one another. They could make one big monotheistic bible for fucking morons and quit killing women and children.”

“And just kill people who can read.”

“Don’t give those fucking mad apes any crazy ideas.”

“Don’t worry, the morons have television now. They won’t read or get ideas. Just mindless sheep. Ba.”

And suddenly in verse 10. They go from ‘they’ to ‘we’. And the story turns from rambling gibberish into an illiterate hippies on crack parade.

A slave girl. Slaves, of course are okay for Jews, Christians and Moslems. Shit, how the hell are the tyrants going to build palaces without slaves. Everyone knows God wanted most of the population of the planet to be fucking slaves. That is why he created the universe. To have slaves. Uneducated work force to plunder the planet. Fuck the rest of life. God said so. Everyone knows God is a fucking idiot.

This is making me angry. You people cannot possibly have read this book.

Jesus laughed.

She wouldn’t stop shouting.

vs. 17: “These men are servants of the Most High God! They announce to you how you can be saved!” EQ.

She did this for many days before Paul finally noticed.

“Bullshit. He paid her to do some cheap marketing.”

vs. 18: “In the name of Jesus Christ, shut the fuck up.” End Misquote.

“Miss Quote. In the name of Jesus Christ. Please shut the fuck up.”

She did. So her owners who made money with her predicting what they were going to sell to idiot consumers got really upset.

So they threw Paul and Silas into Jail and whipped them.

“We forgot they stayed at Lydia’s. The woman with purple cloth.”

“Well fuck Lydia.”

Then there was an earthquake. Just happened to be a fucking earthquake and Paul and Silas just happened to be set free but didn’t leave. They hung around and saved people. Had a party with the Roman guards who all wanted to be Christians. With a bunch of incoherent Moses God update rules. For everyone liked to have rules so they would not have to use their brains for anything more than motor functions.

Anyhow. It turns out they, our antagonistic anti-superheroes, are Roman and can’t be thrown in Jail without the paper work.

“Okay, you can go now.”

vs. 37: ... “Then they threw us in prison. And now they want to send us away secretly. Not likely...”

“That’s right. One free whipping and a night in our luxury jail then you can go.”

“Not fucking bloody likely. You get some Roman officials down here to wallow. Or we are going to stay in this jail and convert morons from one idiot monotheist bullshit to another.”

So the officers come and apologize to jackass Paul.

“Please. Get the hell out of here you psychotic lunatic.”

“Okay.”

Paul waved his forever-limp circumcised penis at them and left to go piss off someone else.


chapter 17

vs. 2: According to his usual habit Paul went to the synagogue. EQ.

Because it was his habit to stir up trouble. He told the same thing about the Messiah and many joined his parade. Mostly because people love a parade and don’t care what the premise is.

And of course, this pissed off the Jews. They didn’t and don’t believe Jesus was the messiah. In fact. They don’t want a messiah on account a messiah will always try to explain that heaven is at hand and no one owns God. Priests and Lawyers are pricks. The concept of a chosen race is complete fantasy that only a moron would believe. And monotheistic religion sucks because it is hatred toward women and resurrection is a goddess.

Vs. 5: But the Jews were jealous and gathered some of the worthless loafers from the streets and formed a mob. EQ.

So there was a riot and Jason, the host of Paul of Asshole and Silas, his sidekick, was taken to jail, made to pay a fine and released.

So they went to another place and told people to believe their version of God. Then trouble caught up to them again so they went to Athens to mock their culture.

Vs. 18: Certain Epicurean and Stoic teachers also debated with him. Some of them asked, “What is this ignorant show-off trying to say?” EQ.

“I’m saying never mind your philosophy. People love to be ignorant and terrorized and told to follow random rules.”

“You want to propagate ignorance.”

They took him to the city council and made him explain. So he did. His God was the one God and they could snap right into it and become part of the ignorance movement to set the world in slavery.

Vs. 26: From one man he created all races of mankind and made them live throughout the whole earth. He himself fixed beforehand the exact times and the limits of the places where they would live. EQ.

From one man comes nothing.

Well guess what kids. This is bullshit. First of all, God created, in the story, a bunch of people one day then Adam on another day. And it is not true. One could use simple probability logic and say it is mad for it is women who have babies. Not men. But if that is too much of a leap. Try evidence in rock that humanoids have been around from over a million years. And that the creatures they evolved from, and the creatures before those creatures go all the way back to the rocks. Over 4 billion years of life evolving. The creation story is a fantasy. Anyone who believes it to be true is an idiot.

“No. God put them there, those fossils, to test our faith.”

“The dinosaurs didn’t exist then, God just put dinosaur bones in millions of years old rock to confuse those of failing faith.”

“That’s right. He wants most people to go to hell. That’s why he made it much bigger than Zion. He put the universe out there just to test our faith. It only looks like the universe is 13.7 billion years old. And the stars aren’t really real anyway. Just hole in a big blanket.”

“Morons. As simply as that. Believers are morons.”

“I’ll tell you, man. The Jews will one day own the world. And looking into the sky will be illegal. Dinosaur bones too. And that will be the end of the world. Then we don’t have to be born again and again like stinking animals. The rich and the righteous can all go to Zion and watch television forever.”

“Did the Jews started the second world war so they could get their promise land.”

“There was no second world war.”

“No one would suspect it was a business move.”

“There are no Jews.”

vs. 31: ... He has given proof of this to everyone by raising that man from death!” EQ

This assumes that someone was raised from the dead. And this is bullshit. If he was alive after hanging on the cross he did not die on the cross.

If Jesus died on the cross, he was dead. It wouldn’t even be necessary to steal his body to say he was alive. Just make up a story say he came back to life. Say it often enough, the morons will believe it.

As much as I love the Jesus character, I’m afraid to say, the whole thing is a story. Someone like Jesus comes along all the time. Just like someone like Moses or Paul comes along all the time.

“Why you wanna wreck the story.”

“Oh. Sorry. Jesus never dies. He is born again and again. Resurrection is the goddess of rebirth. Jesus has been everywhere in every age.”

“That’s more like it.”


chapter 18

“You need to know the rules so you know which ones to break.” Quote from Ludwig Van Beethoven.

Create. Create. Create. That is our salvation. With wild passion. We are the gods. As Jesus Christ told us, the kingdom of God is in you. It is not outside and above. As Paul would have the world believe.

Now we are in Corinth. Paul is again in the synagogue every Sabbath, trying to convince the Jews and the Greeks that Jesus was the messiah.

They told him he was an asshole, which, though Judaism is not at all true, just a crazy death cult, also based on astrology, was true enough for Paul. He was very Jewish in his thinking and not at all Christian. He was however not at all a humble man. He pretended to be, at least on occasion, but he was the closest thing to a wandering evil Moses that lived at the time. An incarnation of devilish deception.

Vs. 6: … “If you are lost, you yourselves must take the blame for it! I am not responsible. From now on I will go to the Gentiles.” EQ.

“Why don’t you go fuck yourself Paul. You are propagating hate and ignorance.”

“I can’t get a hard on.”

vs. 09: “Do not be afraid, but keep on speaking and do not give up,” EQ.

Your narrator will take that bit of advice for himself. For sometimes it seems futile to fight against ignorance when it is so embedded in the mind. The paradigm of man since the advent of monotheistic religion. But for the women and children, we must take an active attack against religion.

“And the animals, the fish, the birds, the trees. The war against religion is to save the planet from tyrants.”

Vs. 13: “This man,” they said, “is trying to persuade people to worship God in a way that is against the law!” EQ.

Maybe it was then. Now it has become the law.

“How to worship Batman.”

“Daffy Duck.”

They took Paul to court. And Paul simply was too illogical for them. With an asshole there is not talking sense. All that comes from an ass hole as reply is shit. Paul tells the Jews it is their problem.

Vs. 16: And he drove them out of the court. 17. They all seized Sosthenes, the leader of the synagogue, and beat him in front of the court. But that did not bother Gallio a bit. EQ.

So here we have believers in Paul’s variation on the story of Jesus beating the crap out of the head priest in broad daylight. And the Roman law enforcement allowed it.

Vs. 19: Before sailing from Cenchreae he had his head shaved because of a vow he had taken. EQ.

For those not versed in the Laws of Moses, this is a Jewish practice. Abstain from things made of grapes. And for those not versed in Christian methods, it is often written, do not make a vow, either on heaven or earth. And for those who like to swear on the Bible, you are defying the Bible by doing so.

Paul went from place to place helping people believe his preaching. His paranoid laws.

Make everyone believers. Paul was driving the philosophers mad. And two thousand years later, he still is.

Making people believers is leading the world into ignorance. And the reason people are made to be believers is because believers do not need chains to remain slaves. They need debt. They need to have landowners lock the land behind fences. They need the jungles and forests chopped down. They will work. They will work for the man or they will not eat.

The system cannot be saved for it is not a system. It is robbery. The ruling class must be brought down.


acts chapters 19 - 21