chapter 19

Off to Ephesus.

Vs. 3: “Well, then, what kind of baptism did you receive?” Paul asked. EQ.

It was the John kind and that was nice but Paul wanted them to have more.

Vs. 6: Paul placed his hands on them, and the Holy Spirit came upon them; they spoke in strange tongues and also proclaimed God’s message. 7. They were about twelve men in all. EQ.

Now we won’t suggest that Paul gave them oral sex. We will notice that twelve is mentioned yet again. As in 12 houses.

Paul kept on preaching his Kingdom of God. Some refused to believe him. They said bad things about his Way of the Lord. And anyone who understands Jesus at all would also have trouble with Paul’s Way of the Lord. Non-believers will find the whole thing lacking in relevance. For them we will look for some entertainment value.

Vs. 11: God was performing unusual miracles through Paul. 12. Even handkerchiefs and aprons he had used were taken to those who were ill, and their diseases were driven away, and the evil spirits would go out of them. EQ.

“Well that’s cool. He could spend all day blowing his nose in handkerchiefs and the world could do away with medicines, doctors and hospitals.”

Seven sons of a Jewish High Priest tried the same trick Paul was doing. Not with passing their snot around but ordering evil spirits out in the name of Jesus.

Vs. 15: But the evil spirit said to them, “I know Jesus, and I know about Paul; but you – who are you?” EQ.

“Tell me, who the fuck are you.” The Who.

The man with the evil spirit attacked them. Drove them out of his house and wounded them and ripped off their clothes.

vs. 17: All the Jews and Gentiles who lived in Ephesus heard about this; they were all filled with fear, and the name of the Lord Jesus was given great honour. EQ.

No. The name of Jesus was given great disgrace. He didn’t worship the goddess but he adored her every move and loved every moment with her. Them.

“Who is the Goddess.”

“They had a big temple there for the Mother of the Gods. She was called a few different things. And it too is a cult but it is based on the idea of a Goddess of Fertility. Rather than a God of tyrannical dictators propagating ignorant obedience and brutal slavery and hatred toward women and children and the ownership of all of life.”

Quote: “At Ephesus she was Artemis and her temple became one of the wonders of the world.” pg 146 World Religions From Ancient to the Present.

Fertility goddess.

vs. 19: Many of those who had practiced magic brought their books together and burnt them in public. EQ.

Magic is not evil. And it does not break the laws of physics like the fantastic miracles proclaimed throughout the monotheistic books. Magic is not done with charms and curses. Magic is often simply what we call events we do not understand. Some magic can be done with plants. When we understand what the plants are doing, we will no longer call it magic. There is also the magic of suggestion. There is magic in language. In fact, the world is full of magic and the more we understand about it the more we can play in it. Life is magic. Matter is magic. It is also very real.

The stories in the Bible are not real. People were not healed by Paul’s dirty handkerchiefs. If anything, they might make them ill.

Now there is no excuse for making a temple and no excuses for making idols. Other than it is a profitable business. But to cuss the temple of the Goddess to have it replaced with 12,000 churches of the murder God. Well that is no help at all.

And those who had a business making these idols were not happy with Paul.

Vs. 27: There is the danger, then, that this business of ours will get a bad name. Not only that, but there is also the danger that the temple of the great goddess Artemis will come to mean nothing and that her greatness will be destroyed – the goddess worshipped by everyone in Asia and in all the world!” EQ.

They rallied to fight against Paul. They had a meeting in the theater but everyone was shouting at the same time. Eventually they settled down and agreed to stay cool.

vs. 40: “For after what has happened today, there is the danger that we will be accused of a riot. There is no excuse for all this uproar, and we would not be able to give a good reason for it.” EQ.


chapter 20

The chances of dying from being hit by an asteroid is much higher than being eaten by a wild animal. More people die in auto accidents than war. There are very few terrorists. There is no justification for mass paranoia. You do not get a cold because you are exposed to the outside. Colds and other diseases are caused by germs. Very few people die from colds since the advancement of medicine.

Millions of natives of the Americas never had a cold in over 12 thousand years, until the filthy, stinking, criminally insane apes from streets and prisons filled with shit Europe came to kill, rape and plunder and put an ownership sign on the free world.

“Is that part of the story.”

“It part of learning to understand.”

“So blasphemy.”

“Only if your are an idiot and believe God writes shitty books of random rules and bullshit fairy tales.”

In verse five we return to we instead of they for a few verses. It goes to prove something.

“But God only knows what.”

“And she doesn’t write books of religion.”

Eutychus was so board from trying to listen to Paul preach that he fell asleep and fell right out the window three flours to the ground. Done killed him.

Vs. 10: But Paul went down and threw himself on him and hugged him. EQ.

“Well, that should bring him back to life.”

“It did.”

vs. 19: With all humility and many tears I did my work as the Lord’s servant during the hard times that came to me because of the plots of the Jews. EQ

Paul is a bald face liar. He is not at all humble and he works against the teacher he calls Lord. Jesus never spoke to Paul. Paul was on Paul’s mission. And he often claims the Jews are against him but this is bullshit. He is an agent for the Jews. He is the Super Jew.

“That would make a marvelous comic. Paul the Super Jew.”

“Saving the world from science and technology. Putting and end to the thinkers and the writers. Murdering all that is good and glorifying depravity.”

“What does he look like.”

“He is a small man. Skinny except for a pot belly. Bent back. Evil grin. Bald head. A painful looking limp, practically dragging his right leg as he goes forth spewing shit out of his mouth. Flies around his backside. Skin flaking off his squishy face. Women and children run away when they see him. Kicks his wife every time he sees her.”

“So twice.”

“Fuck you.”

“Oh, shit, he took offence at being the anti-hero.”

“Well, I take offence that the world is run by tyrants and their religious whores. And he is as responsible as Moses. In fact. They are the same character except that Paul is frail and impotent. Moses raped little girls and boys.”

vs. 25: “I have gone about among all of you, preaching the Kingdom of God.” EQ

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

He went teaching rules. The exact opposite of the message of Jesus. The exact same as Moses.

vs. 26: ... if any of you should be lost, I am not responsible. EQ.

Paul. You are asshole number one.

vs. 29: ... fierce wolves will come among you ... EQ.

They are here. As are all the other fierce animals. And they will metaphorically start ripping out the throats of obedient slaves. Sheep.

Stop being a godsdamn sheep. Sheep are sheep. Humans not.

vs. 36: When Paul finished, he knelt and prayed. EQ.

And Jesus said.

Pray in silence. In a closed closet. Don’t make a show of it like the hypocrite Priests and Lawyers.

Who are demented lying pricks. Whores of the warlords.

Awomen.

Jesus Laughed.

In the face of adversity.


chapter 21

Belief is a tool of evil.

We are much more than dust in the wind.

Ignorance is a disease.

Paul is a shit disturber.

vs. 1: We said good-bye to them and left. EQ

“Don’t be fooled by the radio, the TV or the magazines. Show you photographs of how your life should be compared to someone else’s fantasy.” EQ Styx.

Vs. 11: He came to us, took Paul’s belt, ties up his own feet and hands with it, and said, “This is what the Holy Spirit says: The owner of this belt will be tied up in this way by the Jews in Jerusalem, and they will hand him over to the Gentiles.” EQ.

In the next verse Paul says not to worry, he is Paul the Super Jew. If he had to he would die for Jesus. This can be done by any idiot. In fact, it is common practice by ignorant believers. And Jesus don’t want people dying for him. Live, for Christ Sake. This is heaven, stop wasting it.

vs. 20: “Brother Paul, you can see how many thousands of Jews have become believers, and how devoted they are to the Law.” EQ.

“What law.”

“Law of Moses.”

“What about the Law of Rome.”

“The only law of Rome was to pay taxes.”

They were worried for Paul because he was telling Jews in Gentile countries not to circumcise their kids. Forget the Laws of Moses. Follow the laws of Paul. Just a reminder. Jesus was not about making laws of what not to do.

vs. 24: Go along with them and join them in the ceremony of purification and pay their expenses, then they will be able to shave their heads. EQ.

There is the logic. Shave your head and that proves you are following the rules. Another good one, still used, is, swear on the Bible, with your hand on it. That proves that you can’t tell a lie. Here is another, stick your finger in your ass and quack like a duck, that proves you are not a fish.

Paul performed the ceremony.

“Performed what ceremony.”

“Finger in ass and duck quacking.”

Rumor had it that AH Paul took a Gentile into the Jew temple. So a riot started and all Jerusalem wanted him dead.

Vs. 28: “Men of Israel!” they shouted. “Help! This is the man who goes everywhere teaching everyone against the people of Israel, the Law of Moses, and this Temple. And now he has even brought some Gentiles into the Temple and defiled this holy place!” EQ.

“Was that a circumcised or uncircumcised Gentile.”

“Hard to tell, his penis was in a duck.”

There was a riot and everyone wanted to kill Paul but somehow didn’t manage with only the whole city out to kill him.

“He is Paul the Super Jew. Nobody can kill him. Not by stoning not by beating. Not by shipwreck in a storm. He will survive all the trials because he is Paul the Super Jew.”

“Then why do the Jews wanna kill him.”

“If they really wanted to kill him, they would have. Jews are among the world’s best at killing.”

“Respect.”

The Roman soldiers came to arrest Paul for inciting a riot. And to save him from the hoard he had yet again managed to piss off with his parrot squawk.

They had to carry him away. People were so wild, ripping at him, trying to pull his limbs off.

“Wait, can I have a word with the mad hoard. I’d really like to get their goat.”

“Why do you need their goat.”

“I don’t need it, I just really like it.”

vs. 37: “You speak Greek do you?” The commander asked. 38. “Then you are not that Egyptian fellow who some time ago started a revolution and led four thousand armed terrorists out into the desert?”
39. Paul answered, “I am a Jew...” EQ.

“What did they do in the desert.”

“They tortured manna. Blew up sea quail.”

Paul got up and motioned the screaming mob to silence so that he could speak in Hebrew.

He pulled out his penis and waved it at the hoard.


acts chapters 22 - 24