steve howard's retelling of the new testament
BARBARALBA BIBLE

THE NEW NEW TESTAMENT

THE ACTS of the Apostles

 

chapter 04

Oh ye of too much faith, can you not recognize fiction when you read it. This is simply a story to undermine the story of the Israelites. All religion is based on stories. And most of all the stories are fiction. None of it is true and little of it is relevant. Why must you persist in unquestioned ignorance and obedience to small-minded authority. Do you not see the open universe awaiting the intelligent angel beasts that have spent so long evolving on a fairly hostile planet. Awaken, throw off your yoke of fear. Read the stories of your religion and see that they are neither holy nor real.

Well, the priest and lawyers we not happy with the theater of Peter and John.

Vs. 2: They were annoyed because the two apostles were teaching the people that Jesus had risen from death, which proved that the dead will rise to life. 3. So they arrested them and put them in jail until the next day, since it was already late. EQ.

It may very well be that we are too interpret this story and realize that we all are raised back to life. Earlier translation are said to be clearer with this point. Jesus was trying to demonstrate reincarnation. But we will stick to the literal for now.

So there it was. Two blockheads tell a story about a man that rises from the dead. And they didn’t mean born in a new carnation. So they were selling bullshit. The priests and lawyers, of course were also selling bullshit. Their bullshit had been law for the Jews a couple thousand years. So they didn’t want no new bullshit coming along to mock their bullshit.

Again, we are reminded that it was the Jews that murdered Jesus. A big mistake. Of course the Jews have been murdering for thousands of years. That’s what chosen races do. The Christians have been murdering as well. And the Moslem are famous for their murdering campaigns. Monotheism is all about genocide. That is why it was made. A flag to wave for the mindless soldiers.

Sad fuckin’ lot, the monotheists.

“Sad murdering lot.”

“Lot wasn’t famous for murder. He raped his two virgin daughters to make two proud nations.”

“That’s holy.”

Vs. 11: Jesus is the one of whom the scripture says,
‘The stone that you the builders despised
turned out to be the most important of all.’ EQ.

Well, the council was pretty amazed, they tell us, at the boldness of the bald face blasphemy of Peter and John.

They were told to leave, then later they were told to come back so that they could be reminded that they should shut the fuck up about fairy tale stories about Jesus.

Oh, but we can’t stop telling the story of Jesus. God be our witness we must propagate what we feel is a real pretty story.

And the priests and lawyers warned them again. But they already had 5,000 new believers. Fools that would believe anything they were told. They are everywhere. Fools. Fools happy and proud to be fools. For the Lord loves a fool. And usually doesn’t chop his or her head off. Whereas the Lord will quickly chop off the head of anyone who is intelligent. They are always the first to go in any land that is ruled by a tyrant. And this is still true in what some fools call, modern time. Even though it is not much different than what we call the dark ages.

But let us not lose hope. Let us shine our light and awaken the sleeping fools. Believers. And just a note of hope. It is less likely to be murdered by a fellow human today than it ever was. Even with all these bloody believers cursing one another to hell. More people die in car accidents. One of the most dangerous things we do. Driving these shiny death machines.

“But we aren’t going to get political on the vile car industry that refuses to improve their limited resources poisonous energy wasting and oil companies murdering and taking over countries propagating murderous lies.”

“No, we will stick to the one bunch of murderers. We won’t mention the Monsanto murderers. The patent on life murdering thieves.”

“We don’t want to get into any kind of trouble.”

“No. We will continue in very vague euphemisms.”

“Religion is rape.”

So the fools prayed. And when they had done their praying the place of meeting was shaken. God farted.

Vs. 32: The group of believers was one in mind and heart. EQ.

And in case there are readers who are ignorant of history. This is a horror story. It is slavery to an ideology sold by the perpetrators of the ideology. And those kinds of men are almost always pricks. And dictators.

It is the goal of any Empire. The great American, God bless our privately owned money by the Rothschild Empire. Man, this world is in a mess.

Anyone who thinks they are not a slave needs to wake up.

Vs. 34: There was no one in the group who was in need. Those who owned fields or houses would sell them, bring the money received from the sale, 35. and hand it over to the apostles; and the money was distributed to each one according to his need. EQ.

The money was distributed to each one of the apostles. Take a look at the Vatican City State. It is a palace, fortress. Build on blood and money of the poor. Take a look at the highest of self-professed holy men and they all live in palaces. Fool’s gold.

Vs. 36: And so it was that Joseph, a Levite EQ.

A Levite. Anyone remember who Levi was.

“I do. He was a small-minded murdering prick son of thieving murdering tyrant prick Jacob. Otherwise know as Israel.”

Sperm worshipping fools.


chapter 05

This story is very much the story of Moses. One tyrant mocking another tyrant and taking his mindless slaves to build another Empire of idiocy. And nothing is improved.

So Ananias sold all he had and kept some of the money for himself. The New Jesus Tyrants found out and murdered him.

“That ain’t what the book says.”

“Oh, but it does, if you know how to read.”

Vs. 4: Before you sold the property, it belonged to you; and after you sold it, the money was yours. Why, then, did you decide to do such a thing? You have not lied to men – you have lied to God! 5. As soon as Ananias heard this, he fell down dead; and all who heard about it were terrified. EQ.

So, Ananias wanted to keep some of his money and not give it all to Peter and John. And that was against the rules. The new rules were, give everything to Peter and John, and you will get enough to eat. Bread and water. And he didn’t, so Peter murdered him on the spot. Just like Moses did any time anyone questioned the new law. Spare the sword, spoil the hoard. And it wasn’t just to clear out anyone who dared question the new law. It was to instill terror into others so they would not question the new law. But wait. We have one more murder.

Vs. 9: So Peter said to her, “Why did you and your husband decide to put the Lord’s Spirit to the test? The men who buried your husband are now at the door, and they will carry you out too! 10. At once she fell down at his feet and died. EQ.

Murdered by Peter. Peter was the new Lord in the town. The new tyrant.

Vs. 11: The whole church and all the others who heard of this were terrified. EQ.

No shit. Here they thought Jesus had set them free from tyranny and the first thing that happens when he is gone is a new tyrannical Lord takes his name and instills fear into the followers.

Jesus screamed in torment.

“What have you done in my name.”

The new Lord was Peter. Gone stark raving mad.

Vs. 15: As a result of what the apostles were doing, sick people were carried out into the streets and placed on beds and mats so that at least Peter’s shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by. EQ.

Lords. Bloody Lords. When will you stop this bloody game.

The priests were not happy. Just like the Pharaoh was not happy with the terror Moses instilled into the people he was mindfucking. Same mindfuck. Only the names have been changed to fill up more pages to discourage anyone from reading the bloody disaster of a horror story that was made with terror into a three part monotheistic super mindfuck.

So they put Peter in prison again and a demon let him out. They say angel. It’s just a story. And he waltzes right back to the Temple to play the exact game we had with Moses.

Vs. 29: Peter and the other apostles replied, “We must obey God, not men. 30: The God of our ancestors raised Jesus from death, after you had killed him by nailing him to a cross. EQ.

They keep insulting the priests. Accusing them of being against the almighty God.

Then the council gets together to talk about the Moses returned as Peter problem.

Vs. 35: … “Fellow Israelites, be careful what you do to these men. 36: You remember that Theudas appeared some time ago, claiming to be somebody great, and about four hundred men joined him. But he was killed, all his followers were scattered, and his movement died out. EQ.

Killed, for those still sleeping, means murdered. Assassinated. To put an end to his jabbering. Like was done with Jesus. And about a million others.

“Several million others.”

Vs. 37: After that, Judas the Galilean appeared during the time of the census, he drew a crowd after him, but he also was killed, and all his followers were scattered. EQ.

Murdered. By the Jewish council.

“We don’t know that.”

“Well, Rome certainly didn’t do it.”

They decide to wait to see what happens with Peter. Which could mean, he will soon be murdered. Let’s wait and see.

Vs. 40: They called the apostles in, had them whipped, and ordered them never again to speak in the name of Jesus, and then they set them free. EQ.

Well, the boys where happy to be whipped. Happy to be worthy of suffering disgrace for the sake of Jesus. And of course, they continued with their campaign.

Which, just a reminder, for the sake of Peter, is likely not at all true how it is here written. The writers want an attentive reader to think Peter was not at all influenced by Jesus and was like Moses Hitler.

Whatever the case, it is one major fuck up.

 

chapter 06

vs. 1: … The Greek-speaking Jews claimed that their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution of funds. EQ.

What we have here is a totalitarian communism. It’s a nice concept when keeping control over the slave class, the most of the population, but it never works without brutal police state rule. It is always a military dictatorship. And that isn’t what communism is. In this case, the money wasn’t being distributed to some. So they elected seven accountants to take care of finances. Stephen was one of them.

Vs. 8: Stephen, a man richly blessed by God and full of power, performed great miracles and wonders among the people. EQ.

Some of the Jews didn’t like him because, well, he was teaching the new religion.

Vs. 10: But the Spirit gave Stephen such wisdom that when he spoke, they could not refute him. 11. So they bribed some men to say, “We heard him speaking against Moses and against God!”

vs. 13: “This man,” they said, “ is always talking against our sacred Temple and the Law of Moses.”

vs. 14: “We heard him say that this Jesus of Nazareth will tear down the Temple and change all the customs which have come down to us from Moses!”

vs. 15: All those sitting in the Council fixed their eyes on Stephen and saw that his face looked like the face of an angel. End Quotes.

And no one understood what an angel was. As no one 2,000 years later does. Except Nietzsche and a few others. Happy Heretics.

And any creature that understands anything about the Laws of Moses, will dedicate their life to tearing down the temples of lies. Because nature don’t like vacuums. Vacuums suck. Moses sucks and idiots that believe he talked to God.

Are ignorant illiterates.


acts chapters 07 - 09