barbaralba's translation of the new testament
BARBARALBA BIBLE

THE NEW NEW TESTAMENT

The Gospel According to MARK

 

chapter 13

Take note that Jesus told only his disciples about the temple coming down.

By the way, you shouldn't believe. Look and see. Listen and hear. Like an animal. Because we are animals. With real instinct that evolution has granted us.

Many men will come and say I'm Jesus. Well guess what. I ain't a man. ha ha.

And don't be surprised if there is war at home and abroad. There is always war.

vs 8: "... These things are like the first pains of childbirth." End Quote

You'll be killed, beaten and whatnot for my teachings.

Why. Because war is the biggest business since we got hold of fire. This is a growing pain we alone can remedy.

And the remedy is so easy no one wants to hear it.

Love Life and your fellow creatures.

The priests of the War Lords are evil lyers.

Preach my gospel to all creatures. Don't sell them a bloody church. I am preaching against that very tyranny.

For Christ's sake.

Then Jesus talks about the Catholic inquisition as if he could smell what people would do with his name. Evil bastards.

But Jesus says, "After the Catholic Church has raped and murdered and plundered in my name, as my ancestors in God's name, people will slowly wake up. Charles will come again. Nietzsche and Barbaralba."

Okay, for those of you without half a century of Jesus and Moses manipulating your mind. Here is an obvious juxtaposition.

vs 20: "... For the sake of his chosen people,"

That's the myth of Ab, Isaac and Israel. That God chose one people to rule the world. And the Levites to rule the rulers.

That is war declaration. And the Jews must put down their bloody Torah, holy scriptures, write, 'Ancient bloody Science fiction' on it and be Palestinians.

But better yet is: we get used to saying:

"I am a creature of life on Earth."

That has a nice ring to it and won't be offensive even to aliens or AI.

Because it is true for all and requires no hate or killing to protect a lie.

I really hope someone is reading this ranting.

Again the abomination for people in Judea. Very likely another tyrant king. And for a bible quite out of context.

What is a Bible.

Now that you ask, I shall reveal it to you. It is a book with text written by men trying to make enough money to feed their families. And they write what they are told to write.

The end times question.

Time will end when there is no spacetime. When the universe runs out. 100 billion years. We have much more pressing problems than that. The thing on our shoulders.

No one suspected this.

chapter 14


The sad news that I must convey before I go on and hope not to lose you is:

The Bible is not very good. There are college students writing better works. Robert Silverberg's 'Lord Valentine's Castle' was far better. Namor of 'Castle City' was also a more real representation of the Jesus Christ character.

And, again, even if he was real, the story is a story, full of contradiction and fantasy.

It is not holy. Hold your species' writings in high esteem. Know as many as you can. Don't make religions.

Do Not Worship.

Love the creature you are. A beast and a god. And have the courage to love. It isn't more of a trick than hate.

And it will serve us better and most importantly. Much longer. Embrace life and you will love.

Flog. We haven't even started yet.

The Jews conspired to kill Jesus secretly. Which was pointless if they publicly present Jesus to Pilate and sentence him before the crowds that loved him up until the day he stood on the stage of the king. And they played the theater. Kill the King of the Jews. Who are in Palestine. Israel was actually the name they got 1948. The year of Jesus Christ.

Then Mary, the wife of Jesus Christ, mother of seven children in a well to do family. The royalty of the Jews. Poured oil, expensive stuff, over Jesus.

They, the Apostles, is that king james. They always are called disciples.

So what.

So the writers write in that, since it's written in as he does it, people will read it.

Mary Helene Magdalene, the loving wife of Jesus, shall not be forgotten. In fact. One day her gospel will be found and transcribed.

Then it goes on to pass that the Jewish rebels celebrate a Jewish murder festival. Not very Christian of them. Taking part in death Cult rituals.

So what do we do about that detail.

Ignore it.

Give money to the church.

Not.

After Jesus tell's them his brother Judas, who he loves, has been chosen to tell the priests that it is now time to arrest Jesus after not doing it any other time.

No crowds.

It's all bullshit.

Anyway. He does his thing, says his bit, prays to his dad, bitches at his friends.

Judas comes and kisses him like brother's do.

Everything is sort of the same as the first story. It has to be done like that because it is the script each of the writers got and were told to write a story about a Jew that embraces the Roman church.

Mark adds a character of no significance.

A young man dressed in a linen cloth was following the vigilanty Jewish mob. Not Roman soldiers. Important though insignificant. It makes me think the Romans didn't take note of Jesus until he was brought to Pilate.

Which makes me think it was a mostly Jewish conspiracy to make Jesus holy.

So no one would ever again attempt to propose that:

Moses was a big fat lie. God is a big fat lie and there are no real Jews and it wouldn't matter if there were.

"I am that I am a creature of the life on the planet paradise we call earth. There are two commandments: love life. Love one another. When you have this, you will need no laws or religion.

You will be free creatures in paradise."

"Kill the bastard."

They ask Jesus if he was the messiah.

"Ya, sure."

"Blasphemy."

"Kill him."

chapter 15

Next morning. Now come, if the Jews wanted Jesus dead, they would simply have him disappear. Like what will happen to me.

The show was Jewish. Now it appears to have backfired but it hasn't. Things are backwards to what they seem.

But one must also add that Jesus Christ was interesting protocol.

So Pilate gets to see Jesus for the first time in his life.

"So, you are the King of the Jews."

"You said it."

"Are you aware that the Romans will make a church much like the synagogue."

"What else can you do."

"True enough. Well, let's see what the crowd thinks we should use as a motive, freedom or crucifiction.

"They are too frightened to embrace freedom."

The priest lead the crowd in chanting.

"Nail the bastard to the cross."

Quantum alarm. The day before, they layed down their robes so that the ass of Jesus could walk on them.

The lucky one receives the ass's shit. And screams.

"Holy Shit."

And another cult is born.

Apparently, Pilate figured the priests were jealous of Jesus.

As if.

Pilate doesn't wash his hands of Jesus in Mark. He whips him. Has him whipped. Kings didn't do much. Or whatever Pilate was.

The story says the Roman soldiers dressed Jesus up like a King and mocked him.

Not likely. Probability of reality in Fantasy realm. Crucifiction happened in large numbers every day.

And the Jewish priests and Sadducees were under Roman law.

But to follow the script. With intention to close the book. They put Jesus on a hill of his own with two thieves.

Because it was written. Whenever.

Moses did the 3 day darkness trick in Egypt. A trick that bends the needle as it comes to the limit of Fantasy.

So they go for 3 hours.

And that is also Fantasy. It doesn't damage the needle but it is Fantasy. We have seen eclipses. The last one I saw, the horses danced in panic, the clouds covered the sun, a great wind blew up the hill and dumped a rain storm on us.

But it didn't stay near dark more than a few minutes. I saw it. I was there. No other object in the solar system casts such a shadow on the Earth.

Very impressive. But it is the moon. And it has been there much longer than us.

But yes, use this moment to die on a cross if you find you live in a world with some of the creatures of your species dictating lies to you.

And some rich Jewish friends run to Pilate.

"Tomorrow is a holy day for us."

"So what."

"So we want to bury Jesus now."

"Who."

"The king of the Jews."

"Yes. The king of the Jews. Is he dead already."

"He is."

"Died right around the eclipse, did he."

"Oh, you saw it too."

"Do whatever you want, for Christ's Sake. We only nailed him up there at your request."

"Thank you sir. You will be rewarded richly."

Pilate waved them out.

They ran and got Jesus off the cross.

"Is he still breathing. I can't find his pulse."

"He's not dead. Come, we must hurry."

Now it might interest some to know that the only witnesses that saw the body of Christ go in the tomb were the wife and grandmother of Jesus. I thought it was his mother but Luke says grandmother. But not the mother of Herod. The mother of the father that raised him. Even in real reality, his real father.

We're all the same monkies.


mark chapters 16