steve howard's update of the new testament


The Gospel According to MARK


chapter 16

We are about done with Mark. It gets slowly better. Wait and see what we do with Paul. The rat. The wining back biting little bitch.

So the day after the sabbath, the usual women. Like it always is. Came to anointed the body of Jesus.

“Oh. How will we move the stone.”

“Oh. Look. It is moved.”

And what do you know. There weren’t no Roman guards like we were told in Matthew.

Most likely there were no Roman guards because the Romans wouldn’t waste their soldiers on a dead King of nowhere.

But there is a man in a white robe.

“You must be looking for Jesus.”

“Are you a cop or a master of probability.”

“No. Just a writer’s liberty, but let’s go with it. Jesus is on his way to Galilee, like he said he would be, to check on the kids. Hurry along and don’t forget Peter.”

The rest of this chapter was written even later than Mark and ads a bit more science fiction and muddle so that no one figures out Jesus was never in the tomb for more than 6 minutes. If at all. And most important for the story. It makes Jesus an impossible character if you throw in going on up to heaven. To assure no one else will attempt such a holy character. For what right would they have.


And they met in Galilee and Jesus said.

“Tell the world these two commandments: Love life. Love one another.”

Then they had a party.

luke chapters 01 - 03