barbaralba's translation of the new testament
BARBARALBA BIBLE

THE NEW TESTAMENT

The Gospel According to MATTHEW

 

chapter 19

Religious writings are a deliberate abuse of language and meaning.

And Jesus crossed the Jordan and met some Priests who were prepared not to like him, challenge his authority.

And the topic is adultery. Moses says divorce is okay under some conditions. Like she ain't no good no more or might have had sex with someone else.

And Jesus, or the writer who narrates from the perspective of Matt, the tax collector. Long after the next generation was dead. What I'm saying is, I don't believe what he says he says, Jesus says. Because it is one of the most absurd paranoias since the advent of the men's club.

One spouse for one life.

Now I ain't saying if that's what you want then that ain't okay. Go for it. But it is not natural. It is a remedy for hoards of soldiers and their bitches in the desert with no doctors. No penicillin. No understanding what a disease was.

So for that reason, it made sense to be monogamous. Almost.

But it is a custom that is more illusion than reality. The Mosk, Church and Synagogue still tells us no sex before marriage. And some obey this law. But not many. Not many have love for only one other human in their 40 or 60 years of sex.

And so it's called cheating. Like a game.

God almighty did not make animals and plants and insects and birds all sexual creatures, having sex and mutating billions of years so someone could come along and proclaim that for humans sex is a sin.

For that one crime, the whole thing, the worship thing, should be discredited and abandoned.

Such a sin can only be propigated by the evil daemons who want to nail us down and stop us from becoming the gods.

Genesis 3 vs. 22: "... He must not be allowed to take from the tree that gives life, eat it, and live for ever."

Then Jesus tells the disciples not to send the kids away. And some guy wanted eternal life and he had been obeying the laws of Moses but didn't want to sell his things and follow Jesus 'cause he was rich. And rich people can't get their camel through the famous eye of the needle. Which is obviously either over stated or the needle ain't to sow with but rather a rock formation there somewhere that don't allow packed camels through.

But whatever.

There is truth there. Being rich, or the mad desire to be rich, can really lay into your life so that all your time is eaten up with the gold rush and we forget the planet is a living thing.

And we have become a caustic parasite.

Peter wanted to know what the bunch of them would get.

"Same as Jacob. Twelve thrones to rule the twelve tribes of Israel."

A few other exaggerated who gets what. Like ever lasting life.

What I'm going to extrapolate onto the highway of insights, knowledge and dare we say wisdom of the last 2007 years.

Seen as a unit, life, intelligence. Self and external awareness. We are a part of that. And forever does exist. Our universe is one of many. Where there is infinity and infinite possibilities. One day we are the gods and will look back at the beginnings of learning how to perceive the universe. Home of the gods.

Right.

chapter 20

Our preacher, one of many, one of the few I liked to listen to, he liked this story as well. Some guy hires workers throughout the day and at the end of the day all receive a day's wages. And though the early ones got what was agreed upon, they didn't like that the workers who worked half as much got the same pay.

Well, too bad and so what.

I guess for kids the story might explain something but it isn't really anything to do with the last shall be first and first last because what are we meaning anyway. If we are all in the same boat, on the same planet, someone might have managed to accumulate power or whatever else there is.

But fighting to be first of something loosely defined is also just distraction.

April 1st 2036 we might get hit by an asteroid. This knowledge simply puts most other things on the back burner.

And we haven't even mentioned the disaster we call the industrial revolution. The poison revolution. Death Cults. Always Death Cults in paradise.

Jesus tells his disciples about the crucifiction plan.

The grandmother of James and John came to petition Jesus, in the names of her sons, the thrones to the left and right of Jesus.

Which shows she completely missed the point.

And the other 10 got offended as if her nonsense had a bearing on real reality.

Jesus tells them, if you wanna be great, you gotta serve. And Jesus figured his service for the end of antievolution religion would be hanging on the cross.

Not really to pay for sins. Sins aren't really real. Least most of them. There are sins against life. Which is holy enough not to be destroyed by pricks and morons.

And three days later they would find him gone.

To rap up the chapter Jesus Christ, the messiah the Jews but not the Levites thought they were waiting for and didn't think him worth the.

Whatever.

chapter 21

"Okay. Time to go to Jerusalem and show those holy lying Priests and Lawyers what we think of the bloody laws of Moses and their royalty farce."

So they get Jesus a donkey and a colt from a friend. And they go a riding into the bloody holy city.

A prophet had wrote it in the script.

Shows humility. It shows something never mentioned.

The finger.

No reverence for the establishment.

The crowds might have understood that Jesus represented hope for improvement. They called him the Prophet Jesus of Nazareth of Galilee.

He might have been Bob the Prophet of Nazareth USA. But he wasn't.

They got to the Temple and Jesus Christ, on arrival, kicked over tables sending out those buying pigeons to sacrifice.

"You make a bloody business of burning pigeons. This is not a temple but a den of thieves."

Jesus healed a few people and oddly enough the Priestly Levites were flaming mad.

The crowd cheered. Jesus stood before the priests.

"You have kept my people ignorant so that you can have them as pet monkeys trained to praise your illusion of greatness. You are evil tyrants."

Jesus was so raging upset with the farce that had been used to steel heaven from the life that had inherited it that he cursed the first fig tree that had no figs.

And it died.

"If you have faith, you can throw that hill in the sea."

After Jesus settled down, he went back to the temple to teach a new law.

"What gives you the right."

Jesus could have said, those who see that something is wrong have no choice but to do what they can to right it. Life depends on our honest perception of it. Our honest perception will tell us what we do. And you ain't it.

But he asked them who they thought John was.

The crowds thought John was a prophet. And it served the Priests right for putting the meaning to the word. Prophet my ass.

Jesus does another story about two sons. One says no but decides to do it anyhow. The other said yes but didn't. Like, in case you don't get it, the Priest say they do but they don't. Tax collectors and prostitutes might get it and it won't matter about society's opinion of their age old professions.

The next one gets preached often.

Some guy rents out his vineyard and all what's on it, and when he sends his slaves to collect his share of the harvest. The tenants kill some of them. So the guy sends more. Some of them get killed.

Then he sends his own son, in whom he is well pleased.

And they, the tenants, kill him.

Hang him on a cross.

After thinking about it, the story ain't so bad. It's the same kind of poetic justice so many writers use. David Copperfields of the world should always get the beautiful blond angel of eternal beauty and loving. And wild in bed and good in the kitchen.

And the Uriah Heeps of the world can burn in hell.

The priests didn't like being the next bad guys so they planned to arrest him. Jesus.

Obviously.

Which makes me wonder.

Who owns the most shares in the Christ Business. Den of thieves. I'll say. The den has taken over the landscape.


chapters 22 - 24