steve howard's update of the new testament
BARBARALBA BIBLE

THE NEW NEW TESTAMENT

The Gospel According to MATTHEW

 

chapter 10

So now we got our dozen and Jesus gave them all the authority to heal and cast out unclean spirits.

Okay, we’ll do the names once so we got them written: Peter Von Simon and brother Andy. James and his brother John. Philip and Bartholomew. Tom and Matt. Another James, Leb-baeus, surname Thaddaeus. Simon the Canaanite, what Moses wanted all dead. And the little brother of Jesus, Judas who Jesus would ask to betray him.

For the big event.

“Go to the lost sheep of Israel. Take no shoes, no metal money. Get yourself invited in somewhere. If no one in any given town takes you in, shake the dust off your feet to show your feeling of disgust.”

You will be, you disciples, like sheep visiting a pack of wolves. Be as cautious as a snake and smile like a dove.

There are those who will arrest you. And whip you in the dungeons of the synagogues. You will stand before kings and queens in their theaters they call courts.

Don’t worry about what you’ll say. The words will come.

Brothers will turn in their brothers to be tortured and killed. A father his daughter. A child will rise against their parents.

What we got here is the problem of ideology. If say, an evil tribe makes a company of poisoned food and chemicals and calls their pack of thieves Monsanto and makes their evil ways into law, those who follow the death cult will lick the dirty asses of the rulers and turn in their brother or son if they refuse to poison their soil and patent their pigs in the name of holy Monsanto.

“What does that have to do with it.”

“With it. That is against it. An ideology could be the laws of Moses or Mohamed. If your family worships in fear of either or both of these tyrants and the law of the land supports the prostitutes of war, you will be turned in by your own family if you say, ‘no, this is all bullshit.’”

“Because I don’t want to eat their bullshit.”

“Most men are women and children hating worshippers of bullshit because they are in fear of the ruling class that find if funny to make the peasants eat bullshit.”

“It can’t be that simple.”

“Oh, but it is. They will hate you if you question their suicidal ways. But have no fear. Religion and evil corporations have had their day.”

Hold not to the laws no matter who would present them to you as holy. Open your eyes and see the world how it is. The secrets will be made known. Take my message and make it heard.

And again, the point we must understand and perceive, the main thread is:

This now, what is, is it. We have the potential to be the gods. Evolution makes it so. Learn to love. Love to learn. Allow the angel in us.

Like Moses, or the writers of other stories to be sold to the slave class as God’s word, the text of the New Testament tends to go from one extreme to the other. Continually. Push at one side then the other. Dualism.

Bust out of dualism and find a way out of our limited two-dimensional perception of the infinite universe around us.

Let us take another look at vs. 39 for it can be seen as thread material.

‘He that loses his life for my sake shall gain it.’ Instead of ‘my’ being Jesus, think of it as the angel in you. The over man. What was. What is. What is yet to be. Billions of years in the making. Life reincarnating and evolving, never losing the basics of what makes us all the same. Instinct.

We are not creatures of belief to be locked in real and virtual cages that the ruling class has us build.


chapter 11

So they all went out teaching and preaching and two of the disciples of John the Baptist, who was still sitting in prison, came to Jesus and asked him if he was the one.

Now this is a little silly. John and Jesus knew each other. Likely close relations. John had already baptized Jesus. He knew what roll Jesus was playing. What was more likely was that John wanted to know if everything was on schedule.

So Jesus told the disciples of John the Baptist what events had been preformed. And that the people were getting the message and starting to understand it.

There were making mockery of the Jewish religion by acting out the prophecies.

“You’re a good man, Jesus.”

He told them John was a prophet.

Vs. 11: Verily I say unto you, Among them that are born of women there hath not risen a greater than John the Baptist: not withstanding he that is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.

Now this could make sense if it had too but it seem like an elegant oxymoron. Or nonsense. No one is greater except everyone in the kingdom of heaven. This may suggest that the kingdom of heaven is somewhere other in the universe. At least until the next verse.

Vs. 12: And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force. EQ.

We’ll do one quote from the Good News Bible again. If GNB isn’t included with a quote in the New New Testament, the quote is from our friends, the Gideons.

Vs. 12: From the time John preached his message until this very day the Kingdom of heaven has suffered violent attacks, and violent men try to seize it. EQ.

Now the reason your narrator feels it necessary to look at this twice is in the hope that the reader will understand the somewhat hidden message in the Bible. And it is only really hidden when the reader doesn’t read to understand what is being said. And the biggest trouble with believers is that most are illiterate. This is not said for be mean. It is a fact. The Bible, which ever one, Old Testament, New Testament, Koran, was not available to be read by the believers. Literacy of greater numbers is a new thing. Readable translations are also a resent event. Believers have believed and never question. Were not permitted to question.

The Kingdom of heaven refers to where we are. Planet Earth: as long as we refuse to embark on space travel. And planet Earth has been under violent attack. And it is the men of violence. The masters of war who have brutally taken ownership of something that simply should not be owned.

Do not believe without question. We must reject such madness and learn to understand. Comprehend our environment. That’s why we stood up in the first place. To see a little farther.

And that, my dear readers, ain’t part of a thread at all. It’s a hanging bridge made of rope. Hand made by Aztecs to cross a deep ravine.

You can walk your horse on it.

“Heaven has been stolen by the War Lords. The religious leaders are lying to us.”

Anyhoward, Jesus explained his displeasure with the cities that refused to listen to his teachings. To continue in their myopic ways of oppression and abuse of the poor for the benefit of the rich.

“You will be thrown down to hell.”

We gotta wake up to the fact that evolution tries whatever it can. It will wipe us completely out of the future histories if we don’t co-operate with it. We can not expect to conduct a grand theater of lies with no regard for the planet and be part of its future. We will be thrown into the proverbial hell fire.

Life is a real thing. We have the best possible part of it. We need to be the gardeners. The caretakers. The monkeys that take life from star to star. The primates that become the angels of heaven.

Jesus is thankful for his wisdom. And how he could sell it to babes ‘cause it was so simple and clear.

We are here. This is it.

Drop your moldy myopic beliefs handed down by the whores of the warlords. We are not slaves. We have not sinned before God. We are here because it was possible for us to be here. It is the nature of this universe. It is the nature of this solar system. We’ve made it in. We have landed in a young universe. We can take our part in it where and how we decide. No dictatorship from the heaven. No dictatorship on Earth. Laws are physics and survival.

“Save heaven from The War Lords.”


chapter 12

So now Jesus and the boys were walking through a field of corn on the Sabbath. And it came to pass that they did hunger. And so they did eat of the corn that was growing in the field.

And some Jewish priests saw them and called out.

“Hey. That ain’t legal. No one can do anything on the Sabbath. Moses said.”

“Who the fuck cares what Moses said. Do you not remember David, your great killer of tens of thousands, he ate food set out as taxes for the priests and told the priest to go fuck themselves because his men were bloody and hungry from murdering and raping gentiles. On the Sabbath he ate the priest’s bread. Every priest breaks the law in the temple on the Sabbath.

It’s our planet and we will do as we see fit. Obeying only the laws of life and our part in it.”

“What.”

“No more sacrificing animals. We must forge a path other than the main road to the cliff of extinction.”

So Jesus goes in a temple and tells a guy with a crippled hand to stretch it out. This is good advice for those who have held tight on to nothing, often in anger and pain. It can hurt to stretch out the hand again but it is better to do it.

The Jewish priests were getting seriously pissed off with Jesus openly defying their holy arbitrary laws.

Vs. 14: Then the Pharisees went out, and held a council against him, how they might destroy him. EQ.

“This bastard shows no respect for our fucking laws.”

“We will have to murder him.”

“I think it is best to murder him in such a way as to remind others not to question authority.”

“Yes, yes. Make an icon of him so that his murder is a holy event and the peasants can worship his bloody murder image.”

“Well, we’ll talk to the other son of Herod, he is usually happy to have a murder show for the public. We’ll simply have the son of Herod nail him up on a cross and Rome can make a religion that will mold the gentiles into happy idiot slaves of the new Jesus dead on a cross religion. Hell, they can call it Christianity and people will never forget to never question authority as long as there are churches all over the world with a dead Jesus on a cross.”

“That sounds crazy.”

“Ya, let’s do it.”

Anyhow, Jesus knew this was the way. He didn’t like it but he enjoyed suckering the priests into the theater he had arranged with his father. He had studied astrology and new the significance of the cross and he knew star gazers would notice when the sun finally came down off the cross in a couple thousand years.

And if you think this is nutty. In the original it makes even less sense.

What Isaiah said is redundant. Most of it is vague and was easy enough to fulfill and, shock, most of the shit is just a story. What Jesus said or did is anyone’s guess. And most of the words are simply tedious dualistic mind training. For dumb monkeys. King David did it, so can I. If the wind blows so do the flies.

So Jesus heals a dumb blind guy and everyone is impressed.

“Could this really be the son of David, the murderer of children and grandchildren.”

“That’s him all right.”

Which ain’t true. Joseph was not the gene father of Jesus. The Lord Herod was. Mute point.

The Priest said he was given powers from Beelzebul or bub. In real reality there simply is no such creature. It relates to, quite possibly, a simply dispute from thousands of years ago. Any god figure of a town was open game for any other pack of dumb apes to give ridicule. Beelzebub is classically thought of as Lord of the Flies. Or Lord of a Pile of Shit. Now something about flies is that most uneducated people think they are no good for anything. Flies don’t care for their young and don’t carry weapons like bees and Jews. Seriously. The point is, since we are wise enough to know that there are no real demons. And that Beelzebub isn’t their boss, one can just as easily say. ‘Hey, Shithead.’

Any country divided against it self will be destroyed.

“And if Beelzebub gives me the power to cast out demons, where do you get your authority to cast out demons. Anyway.”

“Our God is the real God.
He sends your God to hell.
Your God rules a pile of shit.
And we don’t like the small.”

“Oh, you troubled believers of so many words.
Can you not see that believing is absurd.
Why must you live with hate and fear.
Wake up: the kingdom of the gods is already here.”

On and on they went throwing sticks and stone, shit and bones at each other year after year over the centuries and millenniums.

If you aren’t with us you are against us. If you don’t buy our lies we’ll rip out you eyes.

You shit snake priests who preach bloody death cult laws. Your evil words will return to haunt you.

“Then show us some more miracles. Jesus Christ.”

They knew he was just staging tricks. A magic show to attract crowds.

“No, I will not perform on demand. Not for you shit snakes of death. But I’ll show you the three days under the earth dead trick. You think I’ll stay dead when you kill me. You don’t know shit about evolution you priests of plunder and rape.”

Then Jesus talks about losing one devil in your head and seven coming in when they see that the house is vacant. It doesn’t really mean anything at all but we’ll pretend it does. Devil is a word for madness. And as we already said. The most dangerous devil is doubt. Fear of everything. And oddly enough. Most fears come from religious belief. The first television. Mindocide of the masses that are uses as slave or cheep labor. To serve the lying pricks who rule the planet paradise and tie it up with fences and dump poisons in the air, water and earth.

“Shut up. Already.”

“Oh. Okay.”

And Mother Mary and her other sons wanted to come visit Jesus. To take him home. Now this doesn’t say, though it is clearer in other gospels, the mother of Jesus wanted Jesus to quit fighting against a system that had been handed down several generations. But to be fair and mean at the same time, she wanted Jesus to stay away from danger.

But. Then again. I don’t buy it. He was a hero of women and children. He was fighting the myopic hateful men’s club. The club of evil pricks that ruled with fear and hate and violence. Pricks that made women into possessions. Pricks that slaughtered city states to plunder and rape and gather slaves. Pricks that were destroying the life of the planet. She didn’t really want to see her son in such danger but she knew someone had to stand up against the pricks. The War Lords of Hell on Earth.

So, Jesus stayed away and took on other friends like most anyone does when they grow up. For Christ’s sake.


chapters 13 - 15