steve howard's update of the new testament
BARBARALBA BIBLE

'if a god put us here to worship him, he deserves to die.'
jose wombat

THE NEW NEW TESTAMENT

The Gospel According to MATTHEW
 
chapter 01:

vs. 1: This is the list of the ancestors of Jesus Christ, a descendant of David, EQ.

There are those who believe this is a relevant or significant event to have David as an ancestor. David was famous for ‘killing ten’s of thousands’ including King Saul and his family.

And David was a descendant of Abraham. And we talked about him in the Holy Bloody Torah. As we did the other mad murdering monkeys Ab begat. And again we must remember that Isaac was a bastard son of a Lord.

We go on with other names that don’t matter but we are reminded that the idiot Solomon, the King of excess and a harem of a thousand women, was the son of ‘the woman who had been Uriah’s wife’. And for those who missed what that story was about: that was the beautiful woman David had seen bathing in the moonlight one night. He wanted to have her but she was his best friend’s wife. So he killed his best friend to take her as booty.

“No, he didn’t. He simply sent him off to the front lines to die in battle.”

The point is: David, like most of those we hold in high esteem because we are taught to by the religious authorities, was a murdering prick that was raised in the temple by priests to be a murdering prick.

And then we get the list of the men who descended from other men after the exile in Babylon all the way down to Jesus. Fourteen generations. They would have us believe. Or have us killed.

Vs. 16 … Joseph, who married Mary, the mother of Jesus, who was called the Messiah.” EQ.

Now, as is often the case in Jewish families of the bible, Jesus was a bastard child. So not a direct link to David. Which need not matter to us but is a significant part of the story.

What we have is a classic euphemism that is believed and seldom questioned by billions of ignorant sheep.

Vs. 18: This was how the birth of Jesus Christ took place. His mother Mary was engaged to Joseph, but before they were married, she found out that she was going to have a baby by the Holy Spirit. EQ

Holy Spirit is a euphemism. Later we will have it referred to as ‘the Lord came onto her’. The Lord may have been King Herod. There is evidence for this farther into the story and it need not be believed for now. What needs to be understood is that if Mary didn’t have sex, she was raped.

Now this may seem crazy for anyone wanting to live in a fairy tale forever and hold virginity for a symbol of innocence.

Joseph was inclined to dump Mary when he found her to be pregnant before he had had sex with her. He was asked not to disown her. And this is also not new. It is a rerun of the Torah. And if you have done your homework and read the Torah, you will understand that Mary was raped by a Lord. For rape was, and still is, a habit of those who find themselves in a position to engage freely in such practice.

Vs. 23: “A virgin will become pregnant and have a son, and he will be called Immanuel”. EQ.

A virgin will lose her virginity before marriage quite possibly not of her own free will.

Vs. 24: So when Joseph woke up, he married Mary, as the angel of the Lord had told him to do. 25. But he had no sexual relations with her before she gave birth to her son. And Joseph named him Jesus. EQ.

When he woke up. Joseph certainly had sex with her after that for Jesus had brothers and sisters.


chapter 02

vs. 1: Jesus was born in the town of Bethlehem in Judea, during the time when Herod was king. EQ.

In Roman occupied land. Under King Herod.

Now the Good News Bible has given us the translation: vs. 1: … men who studied the stars came from the east to Jerusalem. EQ.

What that would mean is: astrologers. Not likely astronomers but let us not dismiss astrology too quickly even though it is not an exact science; it was a beginning of trying to understand how the heavens mattered. And we are very much still at the beginning of our long quest of comprehending the nature of the universe we are in.

Other translations call them ‘three wise men’. And this very likely has everything to do with ‘the three kings’. And these are three stars that point toward the eastern sky. Christianity, though soon to rage vengeance against the practice of astrology, was very much influence by its predecessors of star and plant gazers in its many years of creation.

But let’s take it as the story goes. And these wise men went to the Roman King Herod and asked, vs. 2: “Where is this baby born to be the king of the Jews.” EQ.

Vs. 3: When King Herod heard about this, he was very upset, and so was everyone else in Jerusalem. EQ.

Strangely enough, the King found this upsetting. And we must again remember that astrologers were often predicting the future based on speculations they plotted based on assumption of meaning. And proposing a Jewish baby was born to be King of the Jews in the early years of the Romans Empire could be taken as a serious threat.

So Herod calls together his priests and lawyers.

Vs. 4: “Where will the messiah be born.” EQ.

And they answered, “well the people of the book says Bethlehem so it must best be there.”

So Herod talked to the wise men and asked them when this star, which wasn’t a star but could have been Venus, had appeared.

Then, instead of sending dignitaries with the wise men, or soldiers, Herod asks the foreigners to pop back in after they go on over to Bethlehem.

“Go on down to Ham’s village and when you find the Messiah, come back and let me know, so I can go on down and worship him as well.”

“Will do.”

“Hang on. Did someone think for a second that a Roman King was going to go on down and worship a Jewish baby.”

“Don’t interrupt.”

And the astrologers went. The star was still up in the sky. This made the wise men happy, seeing a thing in the sky and all.

Vs. 11: They went into the house, and when they saw the child with his mother Mary, they knelt down and worshipped him. EQ.

Of course, with gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

And again, verse 11 sounds like astrology. The three kings went in the house of the virgin.

Then the wise men had a dream that enlightened them to the idea that King Herod might not really want to know where his bastard child was or he would have come along already. So they figured they wouldn’t bother Herod on their way back east.

Vs. 13: “Herod will be looking for the child in order to kill him.” EQ.

An angel told Joseph that. Or he might have been smart enough to do the math. But your humble narrator would like to propose that there is an untold element in the story. Jesus was the son of Herod. It was not likely that he wanted him dead. He wanted him Roman. An icon for the new religion that would become the mind set of the world empire.

“What.”

“Just read on and see.”

So all the babies were killed in and around Bethlehem. We would suppose because Herod wanted Jesus dead. Except that he would know that his bastard son was already out of the country. Just like he knew the three wise men were.

Much of what is written in the book of the new world religion is written to answer the grand prophets of the Jewish book of belief. With intent to make it more believable.

And before we go on, we must make it clear that religious books are seldom based on real events. They are contrived stories. You narrator does not write this to offend the believer but to allow that we interpret the story as a story. Thus doing so see that, like all other stories, it has something to teach us about us. Not history. Human nature.

Then Herod died. How many years later, who knows. But Joseph brings his family out of Egypt.

This is written so because it was written that it must be so written. The messiah would come back from Egypt, after finishing his studies. Where astrology was at least part of it.

So back to Israel but Archelaus, another son of Harold, wasn’t inclined to like Jesus so Joseph, after getting to where he was going, got up and took his family to the province of Galilee.

Vs. 23: and made his home in a town named Nazareth. EQ.

Because that was also in the script.

Vs. 23: … “He will be called a Nazarene.”

There are many things this could mean, including nazarite, which is a ritual found in the Torah. Nothing made from grapes, no contact with dead people and no razor. However, we don’t want to get bogged down with details so let’s move on to John the Baptist.


chapter 03

John the Baptist was, in all likelihood, a close relative and friend of Jesus. He was a preacher and a promoter for Jesus. They had one very important message.

vs. 2: “Repent ye: For the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” EQ.

That was from the Gideon translation. The Good News Bible reads: vs. 2: “Turn away from your sins,” he said, “because the Kingdom of heaven is near!” EQ.

This is repeated by Jesus often and is the start of the thread of truth. Repent can mean anything. It can mean, stop doing the self-destructive things you are doing and awaken.

The kingdom of heaven, is here and now. This is it people. We are in it and have been always in it. It is now that we start to see it. The start, and likely the end, of a universe are too hot or cold for life. It takes billions of years for life to evolve. And when we get to where we are, we find that it is we who are in it. Heaven is not a place beyond. It is all that there is.

Now that, my reader, may be the simplest most profound clarity ever spoken by anyone until John, the friend of Jesus, came along.

René Descartes proclaimed: “I think, therefore I am.”

This doesn’t mean that rocks are not. But it suggests that it doesn’t really matter much until we reach the point where we are conscious. How it matters is yet to be known.

And this changes everything. It is a direct attack on the laws of Moses and all the so-called prophets that came after him. The bloody death cults that want the followers to believe they are unworthy of heaven until they get a permit from the authorized leaders of tyranny.

And the representatives, the Pharisees and Sadducees, lawyers and priests, of the laws of Moses came to be baptized.

Vs. 7: O generation of vipers, said John. Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? EQ. Gideon

This is the framework that John, Jesus and the rest of the crew set up to be preserved until it was understood. It is a declaration of war of words against those who have set themselves in high places of authority. The end of the institutions of lies that are the war machine and the prostitutes of the war machine. The mad plundering unconscious primates.

One must not forget that a few thousand years is not a long time to break through to the inside.

They write in the story that the priests and lawyers came to be baptized by John but this is simply too absurd to be at all true. They were and are the enemy. They may have come to see if John the Baptist was a danger to their established laws. They likely dismissed him as insignificant.

Then John the Baptist told of the great one who was yet to come. He’ll baptize you with the Holy Ghost and with Fire. In this case, Holy Ghost would be the spirit in man. Man as in human. What that is we can leave for later discourse.

Then Jesus walks on down to the Jordan, a man and a scholar. A teacher. A man on a mission.

Jesus wanted to be baptized by John. And as was the way of Jewish formality, John proclaimed before the crowd that he was not worthy to baptize the one who should rather baptize him.

Jesus smiled.

“Just do it, brother. It’s part of our story.”

So John laid him in the water and Jesus jumped out and saw heaven before him. And a bird flew by and a voice was heard.

vs. 17: “... This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” EQ.

Since Herod was dead, it is hard to say who might have spoken the words. More than likely is was just written so. Maybe Joseph came by but that is also not so likely because Jesus’ family was not so pleased with their son and his quest to tear down the laws and beliefs of their forefathers.


chapters 04 - 06