chapter 25

Good-bye yellow brick road.

More yapping about rules. Here's a funny one. Unless you are trying to rest that day. vs. 9: Then you shall sound the horn loud; EQ.. Through out the land. That’s the every 50 year party. Redemption for many things.

Then Lord Moses goes over agricultural rules.

For the land is Mine.

The rules about buying, selling and owning dwellings.

And then we get to who can be a slave. You can make other Israelites work for you to pay debts, but you can't make them your slaves.

Vs. 44: it is from nations round about you that you may acquire male and female slaves. You may also buy them from among the children of the aliens resident among you. EQ.

You can pass slaves on to your children. For all time. You can enslave who ever you wish. Not Israelites, naturally. Forever. Under my authority.

Said Captain Moses. The snake prick.

For it is Me who is God. You obey me.

Vs. 55: For it is to Me that the Israelites are servants; they are My servants, whom I freed from the land of Egypt, I the Lord your God. EQ.


chapter 26

No fuckin' idols or I kill you.

Ah yes. chapter 26 is a hit. Well worth reading the original, and as always, the Jewish Publication Society translation of the Torah is the recommended version.

Obey me, your Lord God, and I'll control the weather to your advantage. I will grant peace on your land. No sword or beast will come upon your land. You will have such superior weapons that a hundred Israelites will cut down ten thousand not Israelites. The enemy.

And once again, the nicest promise of all. Countless descendants.

vs. 12: I will be your God. EQ.

But.

If you refuse to obey all my laws.

I will fuck you up big time.

I will wreak misery upon you, sickness; your enemy will eat your crops. Your enemies will cut you down.

If you refuse to obey me, I will punish you seven fold. I will send wild beasts. To rob your children and livestock. I will send pestilence. You will eat your own children. I will heap your carcasses upon your idols.

I will lay your cities to waist. And your land.

And I will scatter you around the world.

This Moses would have learned from his private teachers. Back when he was living in the palace. He had time and opportunity to be taught a few books on war.

Which, for the casual observer, made him a prophet. A dictator prophet. Constructing the future for a bunch of slaves so that they would carry on forever.

For he would not forget his promise to Jacob, Isaac and Abraham.

Follow my war strategy and we will fuck over the world.

Of course, no one really wants the world fucked over.

So I, your narrator, suggest that we lay down our religions. Abandon the Babylonian dream of holy dictator new world order.

No holy land or city.

And ask one another to forgive one another. Especially the men.

For obeying mad megalomaniacs.

And try something new.

Such as a world space cooperative and an end to war and the abuse of finite resources and lives.

Awaken. We are the closest thing there is to the gods.


chapter 27

Well, this 'bout raps it up for Leviticus. Not for Lord Moses. We ain't rid of the fucker yet.

Moses explains what the price difference is for various types of humans. Something to do with redemption taxes. Males are twice that of females. The young ones are cheep 'cause they gotta be fed till they are strong enough to bring in any decent amount of cotton. Or rice. Or sheep.

Lord Moses passes a few more redundant meat, house and land laws.

He reminds his fan club that if you are proscribed for death.

You will die.

A horrible death.

Vs. 29: No human being who has been proscribed can be ransomed: he shall be put to death. EQ.

Ten percent of everything is the Lord's.

You will obey me.



numbers chapters 01 - 03