barbaralba's translation of the old testament
TANAKH: THE HOLY SCRIPTURES

TORAH

exodus

 

chapter 28

After you got lots a killin', plunderin' and creed makin', you gotta make pretty robes for the men who love to hate and dictate.

So as the common folk have a constant reminder that they can fuck off.

Royalty was made into a costume party. Gold. Pure Gold. The most brilliant colours.

For dignity and adornment.

Aaron and his sons got to be the high priests. Ordained and consecrated to serve the War Lord.

They had to hide their penises when performing silly rituals to amuse the dumbfounded primates.

Death for penises.

A law forever.

Sort of.

chapter 29


Moses loved a good barbecue party. He ordered up a young bull and two rams, cakes and wafers with oil.

And pomp.

Aaron and the boys had pretty dresses to make them holy and give them the right to be priest forever.

Or until someone jumps up and shots, "You Priests are a bunch of lying, killing, lecherous bastards. Shut the fuck up."

Which happens once in a while.

They kill them off as fast as the instinct for free will pops them out.

Or make a new cult of lies.

For example. High Pope.

But we stray.

Let's get back to Moses smearing blood on Aaron and the boys. It's how to ordain high priests.

Blood on ear lobe. Right one. Thumbs of right hands. And on the right foot, the big toe.

Splash blood around.

Jump up, turn around and spit.

Priest eat only the best meat. Laymen can't eat the meat of a priest.

Everyday, they needed more meat to eat. Every day they lived a life of decadence and held their 600,000 soldiers down with terror laws.

Like we still do.

And the same God lie is being used on the dumbfounded primates that haven't learned how to use their brain and remain.

Still today.

Fuckin' dangerously stupid.

chapter 30


Now make me an alter for burning incense. And use as much Egyptian Gold as you can find. And burn a special incense and if any fucker copies the holy mixture, so help him God, I'll have his nuts.

On a plate.

Wash it, the alter, with blood occasionally.

And wash your fuckin' stinky feet before coming to the holy places.

Or I'll kill you.

Do everything how I tell you, no matter how absurd, for I am your God.

And will fuckin' kill you forever.

If you dare to question my authority.


chapters 31 - 33