chapter 40

The Pharaoh was displeased with his cup bearer and the baker and tossed them in jail. Joseph was assigned to them.

After some time, they had some wacky dreams. Joseph could tell they had troubled sleep. "What's up." Joe asked. "Wild dreams that no one understands." "God can figure them out."

The cup bearer, thinking that was cool, told his dream. "So on this vine, what I saw were three branches. Before you could shake a stick, they'd budded and burst into grapes. I squeezed them into the Pharaoh's cup and gave it to him." "That's cool, you have your old job back in three days. Mention me to the Pharaoh. I was kidnapped and I didn't fuck his wife."

The barber thought that was all pretty nice so he told his dream. "Three baskets did I have on my head. The birds where eating the food out of the top one." "Oh that's easy. In three days the Pharaoh will rip off you head, impale you on a pole and the birds will devour your flesh."

What Joseph told them came true but the cup bearer forgot about him.

chapter 41

After a couple years, Pharaoh dreamed he was standing by the Nile when seven cows jumped out. They looked good. Then behind them jumped out another seven. Ugly as sin. They ate the healthy cows.

Then he had another dream, the same idea but with corn on the cob.

The whole thing messed up his simple mind so he called up all the magicians and astrologist but they couldn't put two and two together.

The cup holder said. "Oh shit, I completely forgot about my friend in jail. He knows all about dreams and he could tell you."

So Pharaoh sent for Joseph. Joseph had a shave and a hair cut, a bath, new clothes and was presented to his old friend. "I had a dream and I hear you're a dream whiz." "Not really, I get God to do it."

He told his dreams to Joseph.

"Oh, that's easy, it's the same thing twice in different colours. Seven good years are coming, then seven shitty ones. Very shitty or you wouldn't have dreamed twice.

Maybe you should store a little away to be on the safe side."

"Okay," Pharaoh said. "I'll keep the throne but everything else is in your command."

He, Joseph, was given a wife then they travelled around Egypt.

And just like was the plan, he stored up unmeasurable supplies of grain. Before the seven good years were up, Joseph had two sons. One called, oh well, too bad about my family and the other, I'm doing pretty good here.

Then came the next seven years. Not only all of Egypt was coming to Joseph for bread but the whole bloody known world. The whole know world was starving and only Joseph had the power to save them.

chapter 42

Jacob, being in the world of famine, got hungry. "Why do you guys look at each other like a bunch of idiots, there's rations to be had in Egypt. Go get some, maybe we won't die." Except for Benjamin, all the brothers went down to Egypt.

Joseph, of course, was in charge of rations on account he was in charge of everything. He saw his brothers bow on the ground to him. "Where you all from," he asked. They told him. "Don't believe it. You're spies." "No we ain't. We're brother's come looking for some food. Your humble servants." "Don't believe it." "No, really." They told about their dead brother and the one at home with their dad. "Tell you what, all but one can go to jail, the one shall go get the other brother, see if your story is true."

He decided to let all go but one. They figured they were being punished by god for the nasty thing they had done to their little brother. Joseph gave them food rations and even put their money back in the bag. He pretended not to understand their language so that they didn't realize he understood their talking among each other. The translator didn't translate the bits about when the brothers talked about doing in their brother.

That night they discovered that their money had been returned. That was scary.

At home they told their dad about the harshness of the man in Egypt. And that they'd have to take Benjy back.

Jacob complained about the situation and Reuben told him he could kill his two sons if it made him feel better. That being if he didn't bring Benjamin back alive. Jacob didn't like it and wondered if his white head would have to go to Sheol in grief.


chapters 43 - 45