chapter 37

Jacob had a line as well. Joseph looked after the sheep with his brothers. Jacob loved Joseph, the seventeen year old boy, from his favorite wife, the most. So he gave him an ornamented tunic, that's the famous coat of many colours. So his brothers hated him.

Joseph told his brothers a dream and this increased the hatred. "I dreamed I was ruler over you guys." They didn't like it.

Then he had another dream. "The sun moon and eleven stars bowed down to me." "What," asked his dad, "You want us all to bow to you."

Israel, that's Jacob, sent Joseph to meet his brothers one day to see how the flocks were doing.

They saw him coming and decided to kill him. "Here comes the smart ass dreamer, let's kill him, throw him in a pit and say he was eaten by a savage beast." Reuben thought that was taking it too far. "No, just throw him in the pit, don't shed his blood." He wanted to come get him later. So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him, taking his clothes off, that which he had on, including the special jacket. They tossed the boy into the pit, the empty pit with no water in it.

Then they had lunch. Just then, a band of Ishmaelites were on their way by from Gilead to Egypt. They had the camels packed with gum and whatnot to sell. Judah thought it a good idea to sell Joseph to them rather than have him dead and useless. After some Midianites went by they sold Joseph to the Ishmaelites. for 20 pieces of silver.

Reuben hadn't been in on this transaction and was ripping his clothes apart when he looked into the empty pit. "Oh shit," he thought. So they took his jacket, killed a goat and took the bloody jacket to their dad and asked, "Hey, Dad, isn't this you beloved son's jacket." "Oh, ripped apart by beasts," Jacob said. So he ripped his clothes as well and put a rag on his crotch and cryed a few days. No one could comfort him. He wanted to go to Sheol. That's where dead people went back then before heaven was invented by the Catholics.

The Midianites, meanwhile, sold the kid to the right hand man of the Pharaoh.

chapter 38

Judah went camping, found a young girl, a daughter of a certain Canaanite, married, had sex and some sons.

He got a girl for his first son. But the Lord didn't like Er, the first son and killed him. So Judah told his second son to do up the first wife, it was duty back then, but Onan, the second son always pulled out early and spunked on the bed. The Lord caught him and killed him. So Tamar, the woman in question here, had to go live with her father.

Then later, Judah's wife died. So he had sex with Tamar, thinking she was a prostitute and offering to pay her a goat. She took the seal and a stick as insurance and went away and had a baby.

Judah tried to pay her the goat but couldn't find her again. "Where is the whore," he asked. "Sorry, we don't have any here." "What the fuck do I do with this goat. Everyone is going to laugh at me if there's no prostitute."

Three months later he learned it was his daughter-in-law that was playing the hooker role. "Let's burn her," Judah said. But she sent him the seal and stick and Judah realized he should have let his younger son fuck her.

She had twins, one stuck his hand out to get a red ribbon, then pulled it back in and let his brother come out first and so they both got funny names.

chapter 39

Joseph was taken to to Egypt and that's where he was. Him and the chief fellow right hand kind of guy from the Pharaoh. The Lord was buddies with Joseph and made certain everything Joseph did was a big hit. The Pharaoh, being no dummy, took notice. He put Joseph in charge of everything. The Lord was still on Joseph's side so things went well for the Pharaoh as well. It was noted that Joseph was a well built handsome man.

The Pharaoh's wife wanted to fuck him but he wasn't into it. He told her, "Look, Babe, your husband has let me have charge of everything, I'm not going to pop his wife. That's too low down and God wouldn't like it either." She tried seducing him every day but Joseph wouldn't fuck her.

One day, she grabbed his garment and begged him to fuck her. "Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me," she bellowed. Joseph ran away, leaving his garment in the horny woman's hand. She cryed to her servant, "Look, the Hebrew guy tried to do me up." She kept the garment beside her until the Pharaoh came back. "Your boy wonder tried to attack me, if I hadn't screamed for help and scared him away, he would have had his circumcised dong in my tight little snapper what I open only to my man."

So the Pharaoh, not being quick enough to understand that his wife was a lying slut, threw Joseph into prison, the prison where the kings prisoners were imprisoned. The Lord went with him there as well and made the jailer like him. The jailer put Joseph in charger of everything and the Lord made Joseph a great success there.


chapters 40 - 42