chapter 25

Ab got a new wife and made many sons. He gave them presents and sent them east to the land of the East.

After that, he died and they stuck him in the hole with his first wife. God then Blessed Isaac.

Ishmael, meanwhile, was pumping out kids, all sons. A dozen or so. They made twelve tribes.

As we said, Isaac had his Rebekah, daughter of someone who was kin to someone. So everything was in order. But she wasn't having babies, like Isaac's mother. It ran in the family. "Why do I exist, if I can't have babies." She asked the Lord. There was no other reason back then. Not like today where woman can even make decisions if they want to.

The Lord said. "There are two nations in your womb. Two people who aren't one will come out. One people shall be better than the other and the older shall serve the younger."

Having that straitened out, she popped the two boys out, one with red fur and the other, Jacob, which means, holding on to his brother's heel.

Esau, the red one, became a skillful hunter. Jacob liked to hang around the camp site. Isaac liked Esau, Rebekah liked Jacob.

Jacob was a natural born asshole. His brother came in hungry one day and Jacob told him if he wanted a bowl of lintels and a piece of bread he'd have to pay with his birthright. After eating, Esau left.

chapter 26

They were doing another famine. The Lord told Isaac not to go to Egypt and went on about the land and numerous offspring.

Isaac told some guys that Rebekah was his sister. He learned that trick from his dad. But they caught him feeling her up. Abimelech asked what his damage was and told him it wasn't funny because someone might have fucked her. And married women weren't supposed to do that. And they didn't kill him.

Isaac had a good harvest and got rich. So they filled his wells with dirt and told him to leave.

So he dug some more back where his dad had. But someone told him it was their's and then he dug a few more and was not bothered at the last one so he could start multiplying.

He went up to Beer-sheba. God went on about offspring again so Isaac built an alter. And the servant dug a well. Abimelech came for a visit but Isaac wasn't happy about all the other wells. They said, "Oh, don't be a suck, let's be friends." So they were and they had a feast.

Esau found a couple wives, Judy and Basemath. Isaac and Rebekah didn't like it.

chapter 27

Isaac told Esau to go shoot something because he was about to die and if he had something good to eat he could do some blessing.

Rebekah, the bitch, was listening in. She told Jacob, the asshole, the story. She whipped up a nice meal. "But Mom, Jacob said. "Just do as I say," she said.

Jacob put on his brother's clothes and his mother put some goat skin on his hands and neck. "Go on, take this meal to your dad and get blessed."

Isaac, not knowing his ass from a hold in the ground, asked which son had come in. "Me dad, Esau."

"That was fast."

"Ya, God helped."

"He always does. Come closer so I can feel you. I want to make sure your aren't your wimpy brother. You have a peepy voice like Jacob but hairy hands like Esau. What the hell, I'll bless you. Are you sure you're Esau."

"I should know."

"Kiss me and feed me."

He knew the smell of Esau's clothes so proceeded with the blessing.

"Let God give you everything, make you boss over your brother, have nations bow to you, have many servants, curse bad people and bless those who suck up to you."

As soon as Jacob had cashed in on his blessing, Esau came in.

"Let's eat," he said.

"What. Who are you."

"Your son, Esau."

"Oh shit, who was just here. I already blessed someone and I can't unbless him. You're shit out of luck."

"Bastard takes my birthright and my blessing."

"And you are his servant."

"This is turning out to be a bad day. Come on dad, give me just one little blessing."

"Okay, how about, you'll live by your sword and one day get away from your brother's command."

"Thanks. That's a great blessing."

Esau went away mad.

He wanted to kill Jacob, which was likely the best idea. But Rebekah heard Esau raving on and told Jacob. She sent him out of town for a while so Esau could relax a little.

Rebekah told Isaac she was disgruntled with her life because she didn't like the local women. She didn't want Jacob to end up with one. Her life would be a total loss, on and on she went.


chapters 28 - 30