chapter 16

No matter who Sarai had sex with, she didn't make any babies. She told Abram to do up her maid. So he did. Then the maid wasn't impressed with Sarai. Sarai got mad and treated the pregnant maid like shit. So she ran away.

And an angel said, "Hey slave, where do you come from, where do you go." "I'm running away," Hagar replied. "Don't be a wimp, go on back. I'll make sure you have so many babies you won't be able to count them." In those days that meant more than 2. Most anyone couldn't count farther. "And the son you will have will be called Ishmael on account it'll be his name. He'll be a wild ass."

chapter 17

The Lord came to Abram and said, "I'm going to make you many."

Ab threw himself on his face.

"You will be the father of nations. And so we'll put a couple more letters in your name. And remember, I'm the boss. And you listen to what I say. For one, all the males with penises will have the end cut off at the age of eight days. The slaves as well. And anyone who isn't into this new rule can piss off.

"As for your wife, you call her Sarai but her name is Sarah. She'll have a son from you. Overlords will be her offspring. Abraham threw himself on his face once again and laughed. "Me 100 and Sarah ninety." That was just a counting problem. Sarah was likely 16 or 11.

Isaac will be his name, Ishmael will be famous but I'll make Isaac more famous. On account he's not a slave child. Ishmael will not be quite as successful.

So Ab went around cutting off the ends of all the penises.

chapter 18

The Lord appeared before Ab's tent. Three at once. And Abraham invited them to have a bite to eat. Sarah made some bread, a slave boy prepared a sheep and they sat down and ate.

"We'll come back in a year to see your baby."

Sarah didn't have menstrual periods anymore, or yet, so she laughed. She said she didn't laugh but the Lord or all three, said she did but she said she didn't but they, he had heard it and said she did. This is pretty important to understand on account she shouldn't have laughed and not admit that she laughed all in one day.

"Buy the way," the three or one said. "I'm going to go check out Sodom and Gomorrah and take some notes."

The Lord stayed with Ab as the men went down to the town.

"Are you going to wipe them all out, even the nice people. What if there are fifty nice people."

"Then I won't destroy the city for the sake of the 50."

"How about 45."

"Okay."

"40."

"Okay."

"35."

"Sure."

"30."

"Yup."

"25."

"Ya Ya."

"20."

"Um."

"15."

"Ah."

"10."

"Okay. We'll settle at 10."

"It's a deal."

chapters 19 - 21