chapter 01:

Before the Beginning

Before any being or thing was, before time and space, was, for an instant, nothing. Endless nothing spanning endlessly. No darkness, no light, no anything. Then came the end of total dominance of nothing. Out of it's paradoxical state of oneness and notness, exploded being. An explosion without sound, quickly pushing it's way through the void to leave in its wake, space, light and darkness. And it was good. No one was there to say so but had there been, they would have been awfully impressed.

Over unfathomable time, matter and energy found itself collecting in balls, creating energy in fission and fusion. These balls would explode or and collapse in on themselves after billions of Earth years, a unit that at that time didn't exist. New matter flew through the growing universe. Like it did in many universes.

In one of these universes was a little star with a few planets revolving around it. On the third planet was life. Not right away mind you but pretty fast comparatively. Compared to if it took 12 times as long. And out of this basic one celled life came multi celled life and before anyone could reckon what was going on, for there was still no one to do any reckoning, life jumped up on the land and grew into dinosaurs and continued to grow or get smaller or die or mutate. And it came to pass that suddenly, after many millions of years, which we now had on account the Earth was there now, humans. So sudden was it not. They didn't just pop into being, they used to be something else for millions of years but then they suddenly could reflect. Not on account they invented mirrors or anything, more on account they had development in their brains which could make them think. It was a new function and no one is sure what it's good for. But that it was there caused a few more things to change. But change was what the universe was good at building and so it came to pass, not forgetting that the land was separate from the water and night from day and plants with seeds and animals that reproduced was all full in action and many said, "This is pretty good." And so it was.

Now, there are some writing of the day that say this all took just 6 days and God did it. But that's silly. There wasn't any gods yet. They all came with the advent of the brain that could reflect but not quite understand.

chapter 02

And it came to pass that somewhere in Havilah was a male human. He was a bit dim witted and on account he wasn't certain what his brain was doing, he thought he was talking to a god rather than his own reflecting brain.

His god that he suddenly had living in his head said, "Look, you can do what you want, just don't eat any of these tempting fruits."

"Why's that."

"On account you'll suddenly get into Theology and Philosophy and try to understand concepts like good and evil. Which will be your demise on account it's not so easy to figure out on account it's a point of view thing and mostly just a theory anyway."

"If you say so," he told himself, his new god.

He, Anton, was his name, or Atom, whatever, we'll call him Adam to keep it easy, decided he'd go around and put name tags on everything. This was a hard job so he wondered if he couldn't get some help.

One of the things he ate made him really stoned and he decided to rip out one of his ribs and beat himself on the head with it.

"What are you doing," he, his god, asked himself.

"I don't know. I need something and I don't know what it is."

He threw his one rib in the mud and fell into a deep sleep. When he woke up there was a woman standing over him.

"That's a nasty wound you have there. I stopped the bleeding but you'll have to take it easy for a while so it can heal."

"Hey, you came out of the mud.
Bone of my Bone
Flesh of my Flesh
I'm going to call you woman
Because I planted a rib in the mud."

"You better have another little nap."

"From now on a man will leave his mother and father to find a woman on account they are good. Will you marry me."

"If it doesn't hurt."

"What's your name. If you don't want me calling you woman all the time."

"Eon."

"Eve."

"Whatever."

chapter 03

They didn't have any clothes so they were naked. Since Adam only knew about 3 minute sex, Eve went for a walk and started talking to anything that was animated.

"Hey, look, these fruits are yummy, try one."

"Adam says, God won't put up with it."

"God, smod. Adam does too much drugs for a lame brain."

"But he said we'd die."

"No shit. Everything dies baby, that's a fact."

"I didn't know that."

"There's much you don't know. But learning is okay. Sure it may hurt to know some things but it beats being an idiot your whole life, thinking everything is just so nice. Wake up."

"Ya, good, let me try it."

She ate of the tree of knowledge and so did Adam. Suddenly they didn't like to look at each other's genitalia. Or so they'd have us believe.

"We better hide from God," Adam said.

But on account God was right in Adam's head, it was a little difficult.

"What's up." God asked.

"We're naked."

"It's evolution."

"Oh."

"You didn't happen to eat from the tree I told you to stay away from."

"Well what do you think. You say, look here is a beautiful tree with lovely fruit. And what is special about this tree is that I put it here so there would be something easily accessible to have but then again it's forbidden. What kind of a stupid test is that."

"I was just bored and thought I'd like to see how long it takes you to satisfy your curiosity."

"Nothing else to do."

"No, only thing in the universe that I care about is you and your girl."

"What's a universe."

"I'll let you know in a few thousand years."

"Why so long."

"You have a few things to do first."

"I wouldn't have ate it if she didn't."

"If she jumped off a bridge, would you."

"Sure, what's a bridge."

"Never mind. But listen up. I've decided that serpents should be cursed and wiggle around on the ground. And girls won't like you."

The serpent shook its head and went away to eat a mouse.

"And another thing, you'll strike at heels and they'll strike at your head."

But the serpent was already gone on account it didn't care to hear any pronouncements from troubled humans and their new god.

"and you women. It's going to hurt to have babies and the man is the boss. And you Adam, because you listened to your woman, the ground be cursed because of you and if you want to eat you're going to have to work for it, pull weeds and dig in the dirt. And when your days are done, you'll be buried in it. I made you from a lump of clay and you'll dam well go back to it."

The man named his wife Eve on account she made all the babies. And god made them some dead animal clothes so they'd have the latest fashion.

And God said, "Since Adam is like one of us, knowing good and bad, what if he figures out about the tree of life and eats that and lives forever." So God told them to get out and put guards up at the door to Eden so no one could get any of his secret goods.


chapters 04 - 06