subrosa: the adventures of bill chase chapter_04

Chapter 4


In pitch blackness, the journey was long and arduous. Many times, I became disassociated from myself. Occasionally, I tortured myself with the horrifying belief that I would die in a futile crawling struggle through the cold tunnels of darkness. The trip was such a shock to my senses that I was beginning to lose contact with my memory. Already, there were distortions between reality and dreams.

There was no sign of there ever being an out until we fell out. I smashed my head against a rock when I hit the earth. Blood quickly covered my face. It was some time before I forced myself to physical consciousness. I had to relearn how to use my eyes. It was no longer pitch black, but it was only barely lighter. It was light enough to make some distinction between forms but not light enough to determine colours.

There was plant life. I knew about plants growing in a controlled environment, but I had never seen so many varieties of plants or such a number of towering trees randomly scattered over such a violent landscape. Rocks, not even geometrically proportioned, cut through the soil. Screaming filled the air. Quiet screaming. It was all wondrous. I sat lost in a deranged bliss.

"Living. Everything is alive," Brian said.

It was the first thing either one of us said since we started our escape. I had almost forgotten that I was not alone on my adventure into the unknown.

Blood ran into my mouth; an enjoyable taste, but I did not think it good to be losing such a vital fluid. I tore off some of my clothing to wrap my wound.

We stood and cautiously began to make our way through the new world, touching and smelling the wild plants. We had learned about the possibility of chaos in an environment if we were to forget our duties of order, but somehow it seemed that this world might work without intervention. There was no sign of control, although there was life all around us. It did not make sense. Could there be life without man?

"It is both beautiful and macabre," I reflected ruefully.

Brian turned towards me. "What are we doing here? What do we do?"

"I do not know. I do not even have a clue. All that I know for sure is that I am dead tired and my knees hurt and my head is pounding with a burning pain. I have to sleep. Hopefully, it is not always dark like this. How will we know it is morning if the lights do not come on?"

"I do not think there are any beds either," Brian said.

We decided to lie down where we were.

Through the darkness of what we hoped was temporary night, I woke up a few times to brush small crawling things off of my face, as well as peel off dried blood. Despite the strangeness of the new environment and my discomfort, I slept reasonably well.

I dreamt of our other sex. This time it was not as pleasing as usual. I could remember being on a sparse, scorched landscape staring off into space when I was confronted by a beautiful woman scantily clad in tan leather. Something about her terrified me, so I fled. As I ran, I became smaller. I ran through what had to be a prehistoric forest. The trees, which were a strange texture, grew thousands of feet high. A giant reptile chased me with blind intent to kill. I ran until exhausted. I hid behind a tree as best as I could. There I waited.

I awoke violently when I felt the warmth of light on my face. I jumped to my feet to see light cutting through the trees. Colour spilled on all the earth and plants. Shadows danced on the ground. A full spectrum of random sounds rang through the air. Small creatures scurried and flew about, chattering and singing in celebration of the day.

"Brian, wake up; it is better than my dreams. The light, the space, the sounds, the smells, it is teeming with life."

Through the open woods, I ran, breathing in the scented air. When I came to a small stream of clear cool water, I threw myself onto the ground and plunged my head into the stream’s revitalising wetness. I scrubbed my face in it and drank greedily. I submerged my head until I realised I had to breathe, then pulled my head from the water and gasped for air. It was ecstasy to let my face soak in the warmth of the light while cold water dripped from my head down my body.

The water in my empty stomach made me aware of my hunger. I stood up and walked back to find Brian so we could discuss our food predicament.

"How do we eat here? I wonder," I said as I flopped on the ground.

"Look at this book."

"That is how we eat here?" I exclaimed impatiently. "Where did you get that book? Was that in those bags? What else is in those bags? What is that orange thing there?"

"A tent." Brian answered with his nose still in the book.

"Great! What is a tent?" I asked as I began searching through the bags to discover an assortment of interesting things, including dry food, long rubbery robes and rubbery pants, crude cooking equipment, a knife, matches in a sealed container and an assortment of other seemingly useless paraphernalia. "Where did you find these bags?" I demanded.

"We brought them with us, remember?"

"Yes, of course. No, not really."

The present was demanding so much of my attention that I was not sure if I could remember how to remember. Even if I could remember, I doubted if I would understand what it was that I was remembering. The outside would was too sensational to be relating it to anything that was stored in my memory.

"This book says to put the pegs into the ground through the six loops in the perimeter of the tent and then put the aluminium poles together to lift the roof and tie the ropes to . . ."

"What is it for?"

"To sleep in."

"I guess that would be useful."

"There is another booklet describing what vegetation is edible," Brian added. "Apparently, some plants are good to eat while some are useless, some are even poisonous."

"Is that not something? A manual with advice on how to survive in this wild environment. This is a bonus."

I took the book from Brian, took the knife from one of the bags and searched around for some food. To my amazement, there was an abundance of things to eat. Eating looked like it was going to be a new experience for us. But as we ate, I felt that stranger adventures awaited us.

After we ate, we examined the supplies in the bags. The bags contained many surprises. Deciding that we should move on, we packed our bags and left our first site.

Where we were headed, we did not have the vaguest notion. It was already a muddle where we had just come from. All that mattered was how to deal with and relate to the present.

"It might be a good idea to fill the canteen with water now because we can not be certain when the next water source will appear."

"Good thinking," I answered.

We hiked for a long time down the side of what Brian said was a mountain. Distances were immense. The sky went on forever and the land continued on to meet the sky. Breathing the air felt good. My muscles forced sweat through my skin. All the walking seemed futile but we felt we had to do something. Walking was to be the thing.

Neither of us was clear what we were looking for. I guess we thought it was likely that if there was a path to follow, there must be somewhere to go.

After having a short rest and something to eat, we started on a climb that humbled us about our foresight and common sense. It was later in the day than we had guessed and the distance to climb was far more than we had figured. I guess since we did not know where we were going, it was hard to be prepared for it.

The mountain was steep; thus we had to zigzag up along a thin, rough path. Our light source started to fade and each step was a conscious effort. The air became colder and thinner the higher we ascended. We stopped frequently to catch our breath.

We were silent for long periods because we were both on the fringes of irrationality and vile fury stirred in our faltering brains. Even Brian's breathing bothered me. The way his pants rubbed together as he walked, bothered me. The way he sniffed his runny nose infuriated me. I had to let him walk ahead where I could not hear him so that my unjustified rancour would not scathe him.

Because we were sweating profusely form the climb, we could only stop for short rests before we became too cold and had to move on just to keep warm. I was aware of the deepness of my lungs like I had never been aware of it before. It felt invigorating to have to draw on the full resources of my body but the farther we went, the more disillusioned we became. We were hoping to find a place to set up our tent but the terrain was unsuitable. We though about going back down. But it was much too far to retreat in our condition of near exhaustion.

It was almost dark. We saw patches of white frozen water, which was not encouraging. The thought of walking through darkness to keep warm, when each step was a conscious effort, weighed heavy on our already low spirits.

Just when we thought we would collapse and just before the light disappeared, we rounded another corner to behold the most perfect piece of flat, soft earth, barely bigger than our tent. Without hesitating more than a moment in disbelief, we set the tent up and unrolled our sleeping bags. As a new decided ritual, we urinated on nearby trees to claim our temporary home.

Despite the tent and our sleeping bags, we were cold through the night, but we awoke dry and somewhat rested in the early morning. We faced the new day with an optimistic attitude. Our gear was packed and we had eaten by seven. We were then on the trail again. We had learned something about time in our new world. As long as Brian's battery lasted in his watch, we would know when to expect darkness. Up until then, I had thought his watch useless. Time did not seem to have a physical structure in the chaos of a world of wilderness.

In a short time of hiking, we came to flatter land. The trail was mush more enjoyable than it had been the previous night. We were not trapped in a thick forest struggling up a steep grade; instead we could see our beautiful surrounding.

While Brian took a short rest, I climbed up a rock face to where there had been some white, mountain creatures. They were gone when I got to the top. I felt euphoric when I viewed the valley. I stood on top of the world. I was alive. It was rewarding to experience such beauty. Down in the valley, lay what must have been a lake, but the colour made it look like an emerald.

The animals that had been on the peak just before me had left lumpy faeces steaming in the morning light. Feeling inspired and the need to do the same, I dropped my pants and excreted on the natural monument of rock. It was my sacrament.

When I had filled my senses with the sights around me, I rejoined Brian. I found him poking around in the bush. He was watching little creatures scurry about. We continued hiking around the side of an ever-changing mountain, crossing soft earth with pine needles, fields of frozen water, small streams, sharp rocks, and puddles of mud. Parts of the trail had a vertical rock face to an incredibly high summit to one side and a sheer rock drop to the valley on the other side. I had never before, I am sure, felt so close to life and death at the same time.

We sat in the most dangerous place we could find to eat a few nuts and raisin. A little brown rodent scurried up to us, studied us for a moment, then ran off down the loose rocks to disappear with his bushy tail drifting behind him. We enjoyed the ecstasy of our surroundings for a while longer before we hiked around the cliff of the mountain.

The day was warm; the sky was clear. The gentle sloping trails were full of intriguing wonders. When we came to a crystal clear lake, we decided to stay for a few days to rest and enjoy the new world.



by Joanne B. Washington

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