Letter to Laetitia:
Love Call.
2ba_john_rah_part_04
"Nikki”
"Nikki,” Stan repeated like an omen. As much as he refused to be superstitious or hold any belief system, when something was as plain as the blue sky he had last seen behind the woman that was looking at him for what he was sure, the second time.
"And you,” she said familiarly as if they had known each other since they were kids.
Maybe I know her, Stan thought. But it was impossible. She could rip him apart, he thought. Stan couldn’t stop thinking.
"Stan.”
They moved through the building being informed on the history of the company, which had some noteworthy points. Stan had a talent for sleep walking and taking notes at the same time. He wasn’t happy about spending most of his time in a dark void while the world went on all around him but he was thankful he could take notes and he could always refer back to them.
Stan couldn’t believe all the information he was getting. He was the only one taking notes but no one called him on it. They figured he must have his reasons. He couldn’t believe he wasn’t stoned but glad he wasn’t. It was like the other people weren’t real and the whole show was for him.
There was a movie. A long movie on the environmental research and third world development that the company stood behind.
Stan had read other things about Oil Companies, he couldn’t imagine this one was so different.
- is it better to believe them and trust they know what they are doing.
- am I going to be dead soon.
- why the fuck won’t this room stop spinning.
The light came up and Stan put his note book away. Nikki was standing in front of all her slaves. She was a queen with very much power. Stan had to leave.
"Mr. Steinholz had some drinks and sandwiches prepared. If there are anymore questions, I’ll be here.”
Stan stood up first. He needed a drink. He had poured a glass of water before anyone else stood up. When Nikki joined him the rest of the day dream boys stood up.
"Why do you fight me, Stan,” Nikki whispered.
"I didn’t know I was,” he lied.
"Maybe you are afraid that of all the men in this room, you are the only one who will see me in bed.”
Normally Stan would have dropped his glass and ran but he believed that if she was right, he couldn’t say no. But he didn’t believe he was worthy of such an honour.
"I’m not as scary as you think.”
"This doesn’t seem real to me right now. You’ll have to forgive me.”
"Come to my place at eight, I’ll make you supper. I know you have a few more questions.”
"Are...” he didn’t need to ask. She was serious and he had no choice. His hormones would never forgive him if he didn’t go.
"These real lobster pieces?” he asked saying they were no longer alone. he had almost forgotten the room was still full of people. Everyone of them wondering how they could get Nikki to talk to them. Stan was the only one not wanting to she wouldn’t accept it. Was it an ego thing, he wondered. Stan had never read Freud. He’d heard that Freud changed his mind later and no one published his more clever works. Stan couldn’t see how fucking flowers had anything to do with how humans decided to fuck each other.
Stan still didn’t believe she was sexually attracted to him. She wanted something else. Likely she wanted to rule him.
He didn’t have to get away from her now. She was surrounded by them all, asking questions about the food.
"Paid with the hearts of slaves,” Stan said, not loud enough to be heard but loud enough to know he said it.
he could understand Nikki’s job now. She made brutality look good. She was just as brutal. And the boys didn’t care.
When he realized again that he was still Stan, he was lighting a joint in the park. Pig was pissing on a tree and the same woman was walking by with her barking dog, refusing to notice Stan. Stan only registered her as a really bad misplaced joke.
"Pig.”
Stan hadn’t called Pig for the lady’s sake, he needed grounding.
"Pig, I have to admit it, I’m really glad you like me.”
Pig licked Stan’s face a few times before going back to chasing trees.
Laetitia, I don’t know what I’m writing here. I hope it ain’t a pile of shit. I don’t really dare hope that it’s some kind of writing coming out but it’s tearing out of me so I have to have some hope for it.
I take a short breath of air on the balcony.
_bunnie stop_
Stan sat on his coach dividing his time evenly with the clock and the pictures of Nikki. He had had a good look in the mirror when he returned from his walk with Pig. He had forgotten that he was a hansom man. He didn’t know really what it meant. he understood that anything can happen. His life was a trail of tings that just seemed to happen.
Somehow it all seemed like a conspiracy. Even the woman in the park was acting in it. He wondered what pictures he should give to Connie. He didn’t have Connie’s number or anywhere he could reach her. He didn’t even know what she did for her father’s company. He realized that none of the pictures really proved Nikki was having a relationship with Mr. Baker. Stan wasn’t even sure if they had kissed. He was pretty sure Nikki wasn’t really interested in the man. Maybe she was secret service. He couldn’t remember if the CIA worked for or with Oil concerns. did the oil concerns have their own terrorists.
"Shit! I didn’t call the waitress that makes the excellent cappuccino.”
He looked in his notes. She had written ‘call Lisa’ and the number.
He called. He also scratched out ‘brain fried’.
"Hello.”
"Hi. Lisa?”
"Yes.”
"Here’s Stan.”
"Stan, with the dog and the camera.”
"That’s me.”
"How are you?”
"I’m beat. Had a hard day and I have to work tonight.”
"What kind of work?”
"I don’t know yet.”
"Okay.”
"Can we go for a walk tomorrow?”
"If you bring your camera and your dog.”
"When.”
"When do you get up?”
"I don’t know.”
"How about we meet for lunch first.”
"Breakfast for me.”
The conversation went on a little and Stan was wondered why. He didn’t mind; it was nice company; he just didn’t like to have it on a phone. After he had hung up, he hadn’t remembered if the conversation was over. Had he said good-bye.
It was seven o’clock, the clock seemed to be going faster. He was suddenly attacked by paranoia. He gathered all the pictures and negatives of Nikki and hid them under the mat on his little balcony. He wasn’t sure.
"Pig.”
He was suddenly worried the would shoot him.
"No, I’m just paranoid. Come, one last piss boy, it might be a long night.”
He thought about previous cases he had had and wondered if someone was using a shortcoming of his to their advantage. If he was notorious for his madness, perhaps Connie had picked him for that reason.
They were planning a big frame up. Nikki would convince him to help her kill Mr. Steinoil.
"Holz. That’s a funny name for oil.”
Pig never contradicted Stan. Stan appreciated that. Pig was sometimes a little impatient with Stan but their relationship seemed better every day.
"Connie must be a Scientologist. She likely has proof that I masturbate too much. They work together. I saw them together. Pig. They are using me for something and they know I can’t resist it. That’s exactly what they know. They know about the case exactly like this where I made a fool of myself and the papers made me look...”
The woman with the yapping white rat. She was watching him talk to himself.
"Don’t bother me.”
The woman dragged her rat by without saying a word or showing any sign that she had heard Stan.
"And you can stop your fuckin’ game now.”
Stan realized he wasn’t smoking a joint. He didn’t even have his tobacco with him. He couldn’t even remember if he had smoked the whole day. Realizing he must be perfectly sober and strait, he decided to adopt the roll.
"Come.”
Stan took Pig back to the apartment and assured him that he would return as soon as his investigation was finished. He was sure Nikki wanted to tell him things he didn’t really think he should know. Stan knew dirt about men he didn’t even know. And he didn’t want to know it. Why did people tell him everything?
As he drove over to Nikki, he wondered about the paper and realized it was a movie he remembered. There were two beautiful sisters. One was mad, the other madder. Kim Basinger was the maddest. Stan liked Kim. Not just because of her body either. He liked her because of ‘No Mercy’. Was Richard Gere in that one as well? Urma Therma was the other sister in the lighthouse. It was alcohol. It made her crazy. But she had faked it. Richard was the big sucker. Sucker for a beautiful woman. Stan knew he was doing the same thing. He was the big sucker who thought he was so wise, noble and smart.
He parked the car and sat for a while wondering if he should smoke a joint before going in. Did he really want to go in? he knew she was playing him. Did she know he knew? If she did, that made it worse. He knew if he just turned on the motor and drove home, he could smoke as many joints as he wanted and take Pig to the park.
Stan rolled a joint with almost no grass. He really just wanted to smoke. A silly trick to play on himself. He knew he smoked too much to be a nonsmoker. He didn’t need to be a nonsmoker. He just didn’t want to be one of those old sorry detectives who sit in their cars drinking gallons of coffee, liters these days, and chain smoking.
But so what. Why did everything have to be defined. I’m a non-filter-tip cigarette smoker. But mostly because I lost the taste, he thought.
"I mean, why does it have to have a line. Are you a smoker? No, I’m a burner. Do you drink. No, I’m a robot and liquids make me rust.”
It was eight. He took one last long slow drag on his cigarette, disguised to himself as a joint and stepped out of the car. he walked to Nikki’s door and saw one name with an ‘N’. N. Sanderson. He had his finger on the button that when pushed, would send an electronic signal to a box in N. Sanderson’s apartment.
He was just about to wonder if Nikki had told him where she lived. Her address wasn’t in his notes. No. She didn’t tell me. I can’t be here. he was about to turn around when he heard a voice.
"Hi.”
He buzzed.
It was a kid who had nearly scared the shit out of him. The door buzzed and he pushed it opened. The kid went ahead of him to the elevator. Luckily, Stan wasn’t asked any questions. he said good night when the kid got off.
"You too.”
I’ll be happy if I’m still alive tomorrow, he thought when he got out on the forth floor. The fifth floor could only be reached with a key. The stairway was beside the elevator. He walked up and came to a locked metal door.
"Now all we need is the light to flicker out and someone to open this door and shoot me.”
The door did open but Stan wasn’t shot. He knew his life would never be the same after walking through the pale green door. He expected to step onto a trap.
"Glad you found me.”
Stan looked up expecting to see the gun and 3 agents. He didn’t; he saw a perfectly beautiful woman almost standing behind the door, writing for him to walk another step so she could shut it. She didn’t even tell him to come in. She made him make the final step on his own.
He stepped and the door closed.
Nikki walked through a double old oak door into her dimly lit apartment with Stan following. He knew the apartment so he wasn’t going to be impressed with it. She had good taste and she could afford to flaunt it.
"Would you like a drink?”
Stan looked at the table. It was set for 2. With candles but not in an attempt to be romantic. Just good taste. he promised himself not to lose his head, then he finally looked at Nikki.
She was a dream. She didn’t play any kind of dirty, sexy, whore or anything else one sees in magazines. She wore a dress that was simple. Simple, almost modest, but skin tight. Not one fold. her nakedness screamed out under it. Her nipples weren’t erect but almost.
"A small one.”
"I’m having a cherry.”
"Okay.”
She poured Stan a cherry and brought it to him.
"Prost.”
"Salute.”
"I thought we could eat on the balcony.”
"Okay.”
Stan watched her walk. She had no shoes on. She did everything perfectly. His biggest fear was that he was going to wake up.
To his surprise, the sun was still shining on the balcony and Nikki was sitting in a chair with her feet under her. It was a chair big enough for two people. The little table with two chairs was just a little too far away. He thought of bringing one over until he looked at Nikki. She was watching him. She was watching him. She put her hand so gently on the space beside her.
"This is the best place to watch the sun go down.”
"I believe it.”
Stan sat as far away from Nikki as possible. Her feet were under his leg. She adjusted them to be a little more comfortable but they were on his leg. It was unbelievably intimate.
"You make me nervous.”
"Stan. I really do like you and have no intention to hurt you.”
Stan believed her. He understood that she was speaking the truth.
"Thanks.”
She kissed him just lightly.
"I want you to like me as well.”
"I’ve never met a woman like you.”
She smiled and took his arm and put it around her shoulder, sinking down onto Stan’s lap. He put his hand on her belly and felt her gentle breathing. She was watching the sky. She really seemed to want to be with Stan on her balcony watching the sky.
Stan noticed that he was caressing Nikki’s breast. He hoped he could spend the night with her.
"Stan?”
"Yes.”
"Say my name.”
"Nikki.”
She smiled.
"I want this to be a beautiful night.”
"You are so beautiful, Nikki.”
"I like how you said that.”
"I’m sure everyone tells you so.”
"No, they use different meaning.”
"I have to admit I’ve also noticed that you are sexy.”
She bit his leg.
"I’m also hungry and I made a nice meal.”
"Can I have one more kiss before we eat?”
She stood up with her hand out and Stan stood taking it. She pressed her body gently against him and kissed a kiss that was designed for the recipient to beg for another.
Stan knew when she slowly directed him to the table that he wasn’t gong to kiss her again for hours. It was only going to make him want it more. He could watch her differently now. Her movements seemed to tell Stan that she liked him.
Stan ate slowly. He wasn’t in a hurry to finish the meal to have sex. And he realized he wasn’t even pretending to be patient and relaxed.
"You’re a wonderful cook.”
"Thanks. I don’t cook much anymore. I don’t bother when I’m alone.”
Stan wondered why she had to be alone.
"It’s not easy to find a man I trust enough to invite to my house.”
Stan was worried suddenly.
"You tell everything with your face. Do you know that.”
"I know. I also try to watch people’s faces.”
"Tell me what’s worrying you so it doesn’t eat at you when I fall asleep in your arms sometime tonight.”
"I’m worried that I’m not as nice a guy as you think I am.”
"Don’t worry about that.”
"I’m worried that I have to tell you I have over 30 pictures of you and you will hate me for it.”
"Did they turn out?”
"I’ve had them a day and have looked at them a hundred times. I feel like a peeping Tom.”
"Does anyone else have the pictures?”
"No.”
"I’d like it if you kept it that way.”
"I’m a pathetic private detective. I’ve been doing it off and on for years, never making any money, always prying into people’s lives, trying to get incriminating evidence.”
"A detective. I must say that’s a bit of a surprise.”
It was a surprise for Stan that she didn’t know.
"Do you know what kind of dog I have?”
"How would I know you have a dog?”
"Are you going to throw me out?”
Nikki smiled.
"I find is sweet that you aren’t sure if I really like you. It’s a nice balance to your belief that you are smarted than everyone else.”
"I didn’t say I was smarter than everyone else.”
"No one is taking notes.”
Stan wasn’t sure what she meant. He was happy to have come through his confusion.
"And I masturbate.”
"You don’t have to tell me everything the first night. You can save some for the fourth night.”
"What’s with the 2nd and 3rd.”
"We don’t want to hurry.”
Stan knew there was something about Nikki that should be wrong. Anything too good to be true, wasn’t.
No more thinking tonight, he told himself. Allow yourself to accept that this is real. So long as it doesn’t stop, it might be what it appears to be.
Nikki pulled the table back a little so she could sit straddled over Stan’s lap.
"I want you to adore me tonight,” Nikki said. "Can you do that?”
Stan could read her expression well enough to see that she wasn’t mocking him. She knew she was beautiful. She wanted it from him. and she didn’t want dirty lust. She wanted complete adoration. Stan had no idea why she chose him for the job but he was glad she did.
Stan smiled a real smile for the first time in a very long time.
"Gladly, Nikki.”
"Thanks.”
_bunnie stop_
Leatitia, I’m happy and excited about this story. I didn’t know it fit in with Barbaralba, I’m still not sure how. Connie is Barbaralba and we’ve seen what happened with her. That is, or it is the same time frame. Connie will fly to the States tomorrow to do a test run. Cut and paste here.
I haven’t had a story really since Aaron. Ten years ago. I started Castle City. I still like it, but can’t write it.
If the story won’t tell itself, I can’t seem to make any of my ideas work. I didn’t know Stan was gong to fall in love.
I didn’t even know much about Nikki. I have some ideas now, I can’t tell you yet. I want you to want to know how the story ends. It won’t end here. it isn’t a short story anymore. There aren’t enough pages left in this letter to finish the book.
I’d like to read the rest to you personally. I dare to dream and hope that you are pleased that my belief in my love for you has made me write like mad the last few months.
Most of it was purging but it has come to a start of a fairly large event. A novel and a comic and my Auftritt.
I don’t believe I want the most beautiful woman in the world to verify anything. But if you can learn to like Stan, you will be glad to get to know me.
"That’s not quite what you wanted to say.”
"That’s the thing, I don’t know what to say to Laetitia.”
"You’ve opened yourself up enough, either she likes you or she doesn’t.”
So Laetitia, I know everyone adores you, it doesn’t matter. I want you to want me to adore you.
And since it is six in the morning again, I will go to sleep and try to get Stan out of bed to deal with his Friday.
Kisses.
_bunnie stop_
by Joanne B. Washington
read on. 2ba_john_rah_part_05
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