Letter to Franny:
thanks_for_the_fish_part - end of a letter to Franny.
In the beginning was a word in the end was another word.
Words are letters to be read.
Read words.

Miss. Francisca, I finished Tom Jones. It took some time, being over 800 pages of small print and lengthy sentences and the odd bit of meaning intended to be discovered though not explicitly sighted. And Uwe and I wrote another song today. It's 03:12. I'm hungry and slept less than 3 hours last night and Brian sent me a 20 page letter, mostly out of his journal, which isn't so different than this escapade except for the contents and not being specifically directed to a particular recipient, which I may, with possible exception of his sister, be one of the few that reads anything he writes. Okay, I lost track in the sentence but call it style. There are likely several people who write and never show it but to a few. Might be better in some cases, but I believe in Brian's case it may be temporary. 20 or 30 years. As for me and my house, we shall worship the Fish. German words keep cursing through my head. Was soll ich tun? I spend so much time alone lately. Maybe I'll buy a chocolate ice cream cone. And I start a job for 2 marks the hour. It's like a prison sentence for collecting welfare. I still get my welfare so it's like a 2 mark raise. But I go from no manual labour to 30 hrs. per week. This may cause me stress but I'm determined to face it like a man. I'll check in my handbook to see how men do it. If you get a labour job, it is womanual labour? I'm sure the odd woman has asked that. I don't mean odd as in strange, for if I was a woman, and I'm much to harry to ever pass as one naked, I'm sure I would understand the concern about a language that denotes a slight prejudice in favour of four legged rodents being classified as fish so that Catholics need not break any ridiculous rules. Brian told me that the white buffalo had been born. This is important to some Indians. The owner of the buffalo was compassionate (I'm in a hurry to find the right word) no, sympathetic's the word, to the situation and didn't sell it for a million dollars. The Indians and everyone else are making pilgrimages to see this animal. I got a shot in my elbow and my ass today. I don't remember getting a shot in the ass before unless it was when I had my nose reamed and cauterised. Morphine, they gave me so I'd think pain didn't mater. I must say, I understand very well why people are attracted to the drug. Though my experience in drugs is not so extensive, I have to say Morphine was the best. Again, I don't recommend it as a habit any more than I'd recommend becoming a nun. Funny, I just though of Tom Wishnowsky. He used to call me an old whore but only because he like me and considered it a compliment. For why shouldn't it be? Though I've never had the pleasure of purchasing directly with cash the favours of a professional, I can see the temptation. In fact, if I wasn't me and had not the good fortune of my situation and had spare cash, I probably still wouldn't but would like too except I wouldn't like to think she didn't like me. Hell, I sometimes write 5 or 6 hundred page letters trying to convince someone to like me even though I have no intention to ask for sexual favours. Though I must confess the thought is not in the vicinity of unpleasant. One other thing before I close for today; I realise I'm getting quite attached to this, dare I call it pleasure, of ranting haphazardly about whatever I can contrive out of the vacancy of my mind, by the way the fridge is back to normal, with the colony of rabbits and wildebeest leaving peacefully again since I played a little Slade for them at breakfast, that I'm certain I will have to continue with another book. Though I may address you the odd time in the next letter, I believe I must write it to someone else. Maybe several people, depending on the rant. But mostly Geoff and Brian I believe, for they may be the only ones with the patience to bare it. And so Franny, as the pages of this last and fifth book come to a fish soup, I'll bid thee a good life, please be my friend and should you get this letter, send me a post card to say that you may read the odd line on occasion. Such as constipation. Uwe wants to do another song, something like, I love you so much I can't shit. So I suggested we start: Your love has cause me to be so elated and if you can't guess the last word of the next line then you really are blond. Speaking of which, I wish my blond would come back to me. Married life without wife. I better not date this entry, she'll wonder why I'm blasting off to a stranger when I could be writing to her. I can't even remember the last time I went fishing. But I digest. So that's it for tonight and if I fail to notice when I'm at the last page, let me tell you now, it's helped me to get this of my chest, as they would say, and I hope I haven't offended you too often. I honestly hold you in high esteem and except for the fact that you didn't like me much, I would have endeavoured to be worthy of your love. But as history shows, things fade to black.

bunniestop

Hah. Absolutely nothing to report. Complete uneventfulness. I hardly would dare to bore you with getting orange overalls and safety shoes and what not for my new job that I don't really want but hell, I guess I should have a job sometime in this country. It seems quite silly to spend 6 weeks out of six months with the woman I come to this country for. I hear they are cutting the army back to save cash. It makes sense. War is a bit out dated now. Sorry. I shouldn't have tried to write. I just thought I'd do it before I turned the light out.

I don't want to sound fatalistic or nihilistic or pessimistic, just realistic. Everything adds up to nothing. This the scientist will support. All matter and force when added together equates to exactly nothing. This goes to show that not only does nothing have a way to be, but it has different ways to manifest itself. And when this mess of force and matter can no longer support it's being because of it's nothing foundation, the whole thing will go back to not. And if nothing again can not maintain the paradox of being not being then it's quite likely to burst out into this or something like this or something different. How it matters to us, I haven't a clue. We are the observers, and as such we must watch like little points of reference reporting back to what is. Which of course may all boil down to nothing.

bunniestop

The pain of loneliness beats all others. We're all crowded together in a cold city somewhere, with walls all around us. And since we're nearing the end of the book I shan't dwell on it. I'll find some kind of drug to get me through the next few hours while I wait for sleep. I have chocolate and in Germany you never need fear being without a cigarette. They have a machine every fifty yards or less. I'd like to go to bed early tonight on account in two day I have to do it. It's my nightmare, a job. Worse yet a welfare job at less than 10 marks per hour. That will either make me so depressed I'll melt into a puddle of oblivion or I'll become so angry I'll take it out on random victims. Probably it will curdle inside me, making me a hard shelled slug. There are other options. Possibly, I'll pursue them. My life seems to never start. Sometimes - Jesus Christ, that guy snores loud. I'm going to put myself to bed and either try to read a book or stare at the ceiling.

bunniestop

Did I tell you I have a job now? It's in a wood working shop. I must admit that of all the jobs I'm suited for in this country, I'd put this as one of my top choices. And to make it even better, it's a make work project, which means productivity is not an issue and therefore there is no one saying hurry up. In fact, quite often, if you chose to do something for yourself, such as make a wind chime for your wife's birthday, they will accept that as working. Wiebke will have a very beautiful wind chime. I used copper tubing that I had collected months ago. I sanded the tubes to make them very attractive. I added a duck, fish and bunny to make it super pretty. I also do things that need to be done, such as repair furniture or what not. Since it doesn't matter except to me, I won't labour the subject except to say it's an interesting collection of people. There's also a metal shop and auto repair shop a garden and landscape team and a cafe restaurant. There are several Auslanders but I'm the most resent and Canada is an interesting place to come from. Most people think it's a place to go to. And they are right. Germany is not at all a bad place to be though. In fact, I quite like it. I never would have imagined being married to a German but it seems quite natural now. I actually enjoy being an Auslander as well. It's an education. Since I must get up at 06:45, I'll sign off. I'll try to think of something significant for my last couple entries but if I don't, try not to be disappointed. If you actually read this letter, thank you. Send me a post card to say so. I'm going to miss talking to you. It seems like the end of a friendship. But I will always hold your memory dear to me. And that goes for anyone else if they ask. I've been lucky to have some very excellent friends and short relationships. I draw on them sometimes to feel a bond with - things.

bunniestop

Now we have the 14th of March. Wiebke comes in 4 days. I've got a perfect excuse to take time off work. The doctor said I'm not allowed. He put a cast on my arm, right up to my armpit, so I wouldn't forget not to remember. What's shitty is, I'm repairing and making pretty a kitchen cabinet. I've got much work to do on it and I wanted it finished this week for a homecoming surprise for the wife. So I hope they let me work one handed. They shouldn't on account I'll be in the way and a problem to work around. But productivity is not an issue at this place so maybe it won't be a problem if they can keep it a secret from my doctor. I've never had a cast before. I'm about to learn what it's like to be behinderd. Three minutes, it took my to open a can of tomatoes. Other than that, I didn't bother - Whoops. What am I going on about? Maybe I'll go do something to get the place ready for tomorrow's new things.

bunniestop

Everything must come to a point so that we can have a good ending. Unless I cheat somehow, which I don't think I will, there is only 6 pages left in this letter. I hope you weren't looking for great truth or revelation. It ain't to be found. But even so, blessed are you for having read this letter. I'm typing my second novel out now with one finger on account my left arm is in a cast. It's a little tedious. The program is in German but I got if from Toby, oh shit, I just incriminated myself, so he changed the keyboard to be in English. Which is good for me but now Wiebke will have to get a German one in German so the funny letters we don't have, she can use. Follow? It doesn't matter. Wiebke is on the train from Lubeck. 13 hour trip. It's the 15 mark special. Unbelievable price. And you can go with 5 people. But only Saturday and Sunday. Maybe over night? But it's practically free. Unfortunately, there ain't no one to go visit in Germany. But I don't want to babble on this as we exit. It's Sunday the 26 of March, oh, the clocks must go ahead. I wonder if Wiebke knows that? Let me do that now.

Franny. You can be assured that I'll think pleasant thought of you on occasion. I shall do the same for most of the people I've met along my trail. Derrick and Allan McCullach were in my dream last night.

Let's try that again. Franny. It's been really good to be able to talk to you. It's helped clear up a few things for me. I hope I didn't trouble you with my tedious insecurities but there you go. No. That won't do either. Francisca. You are a truly lovely creature and the world is big. Not too big. Men are obsessed with the idea of sex with a beautiful woman. Aren't they? Sex is nice. Especially when you do it with someone. So have a life of good cheer. Be good to you partners in sex, friendship and crime. Remember, paying taxes is making you an accomplice. Never share needles. Avoid unnecessary stress. Keep you bum clean in case someone has to poke his nose in it. Cut down on smoking and you cut down on cutting down trees. Avoid having to share a toilet with neighbours. Sometimes I find it odd to think that here I am in Saarbrucken, where's that, and most of the people I ever knew have vanished out of my life. Doctors don't seem to make much difference. Paris has many rats. Remember that Germany ain't so bad. In fact, it's pretty good. Nazi's just a word. Those kind of people are everywhere. Always have been. Maybe one day they won't be. ‘Kill ‘em all,' he said, taking up his banner and smiling proudly. The fanatics are everywhere. I can't take a relaxing bath with this verdant cast on. Bloody, hell. I've run out of steam before getting started. I think what I'll do is stop before I start saying even dumber things. Say hello to Carrie for me. Be good to yourself.

Love Steve

P.S. I bet there will be a couple postscripts.

P.S.S. Read my novels. The one about Aaron is very good.

P.S.S.S. Oh. And drop in if you're in the neighbourhood. I mean it. Wiebke and I like the odd caller. And you are pretty odd.

P.S.S.S.S. If you bump into Brent, tell him to watch where he's going. Or send me a letter.

by Joanne B. Washington

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