aaron_the fall of america_chapter_48

Chapter 48

After walking Shelly to work in the morning, promising her I would see her again and that I'd take care of myself, I walked back to my apartment, made myself a few sandwiches for my trip, packed a few of my clothes together and went to Bob's car.

I decided to take my keys back to Shelly and leave her some of the money I took from Bob. I was about to turn into the parking lot of the store when I noticed a police car. I decided to drive farther on and park the car behind a car wash.

I walked back and sat on a bench across the street from the store until the police finally left more than an hour later.

"What the hell did they want so long in here?" I asked Shelly.

"Bob is unconscious in the hospital after a serious car crash yesterday. They wouldn't tell us more but I think something is up because they were a long time in his office searching through his things."

"Do you think he was doing something illegal?"

"I don't know, Eddy. He's never done anything that I know of other than molest his workers."

"That's enough."

"But it doesn't explain his accident."

"I'd like to stay and find out more about it but I just came by to leave you my keys and a little money in case you want to keep the apartment for a while. You just have to put money in my account and it will keep paying rent. I don't think the landlord lives in the city. There will be no trouble."

"Eddy, this is a lot of money."

"Yes, don't put it in the bank all at once."

I kissed Shelly and bid one more final farewell. I was almost back to Bob's car when I noticed a police car across the street. There was no way of knowing if he was watching for the car but I decided not to be reckless. I walked by and continued directly to the bus station and bought a one way ticket to Bangor, Maine. I wasn't sure why. If I found nothing, I was not far from my old teacher and could get another bus to see him.

Time had no meaning when the Bus had been on the highway for what could have been hours or days. Nothing had meaning for me. Memories were vicissitudes in the vacuum of my frail consciousness. I sometimes had the feeling that I knew who I was but wasn't certain if that made any difference. No matter who I was, I either had nothing to believe or had to do as I had decided. I didn't know what I wanted and couldn't imagine what would happen to me after I was finished doing the few things I had convinced myself had to be done.

I knew nothing had to be done.

The sun had set and I was confined to looking at my reflection in the window. At the next pause, I would have to remember to get something to eat. I had avoided it at the last stop because I was afraid that if it didn't satisfy my hunger, I would have to accept my hunger as terminal.

I remembered a passage from the Bible about the woman at the well. She had believed she had found what she was told she needed. For me, there was no such salvation. There was always the clause that one must believe to receive. I had made the mistake of seeing behind the story. The was nothing there. There continues to be nothing no matter what story is told.



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