steve howard's update of the new testament
BARBARALBA BIBLE

THE NEW NEW TESTAMENT

Paul's second letter to the CORINTHIANS

 

chapter 10

vs. 1: ... By the gentleness and kindness of Christ, I beg you 2. not to be harsh when I come; for I am sure I can deal harshly with those who say that we act from Worldly motives. EQ.

“And I can say you are in the world’s biggest business, selling lies to the poor so they are happy to stay poor in body and soul giving all they can and more to the filthy rich because the suckers think your story of God, or the fucking American Dream nightmare, is true and that God, who supposedly can do anything, needs the money of the poor to finance his missions.”

“Like cluster bombs and machine guns and fighter jets.”

vs. 6: And after you have proved your complete loyalty, we will be ready to punish any act of disloyalty. EQ.

“That sounds like the king’s knight that has come to collect taxes. Give us what you have or we kill you. And if you hide any of the little virgins we will rape and kill them and pluck out your eyes after you have watched. So have them ready and clean.”

Vs. 10 Someone will say, “Paul’s letters are severe and strong, but when he is with us in person, he is weak, and his words are nothing!” EQ.

“Maybe he has someone else writing the letters.”

“His letters are not strong. They lack continuity and substance. To anyone with a little knowledge and understanding, they are a farce. A hoax. A joke misunderstood.”

Paul is a silly goose.

Monotheistic justified states of military might are stupid ape clubs. Fine for stupid apes with sticks and stones. Not fine for apes that are discovering the power of atoms and forging into space. Drop your lies now. There is no more time for pissing around.

Your messiah has spoken. Your religion has been revoked of all significance.


chapter 11

Paul Paul get ready for your fall.

vs. 3: I am afraid that your minds will be corrupted and that you will abandon your full and pure devotion to see Christ - in the same way that Eve was deceived by the snake’s clever lies. EQ.

Eve was not deceived by the snake. For those who don’t know the story.

“It’s the most famous story of the last several thousand years.”

“Yes. But most take the snake for the deceiver. The snake represents rebirth. In cultures murdered by the succeeding culture. The snake is Jesus Christ. Not the person of. The concept. The idea. The snake plainly told Eve that knowledge and wisdom would not kill her.”

“But it did.”

“No. The new men’s club cursed her, enslaved her, and raped her thousands of years long.”

It was the clever propagation of fear and ignorance that have been the curse of Eve. Before the tyrannical advent of violent patriarchy she was respected and held in reverence for her ability to give life and for her knowledge. Knowledge of plants and herbs. These kinds of women were called witches and burned for their crimes of not abandoning millions of years of instinct and collected knowledge.

Monotheistic religions are raping and enslaving women.

vs. 5: I do not think that I am the least bit inferior to those very special so-called “apostles” of yours! EQ.

“Paul, you are a winy little suck.”

vs. 7: I did not charge you a thing when I preached the Good News of God to you... EQ.

vs. 8: I was robbing them... EQ.

vs. 13: Those men are not true apostles - they are false apostles, who lie about their work and disguise themselves to look like real apostles of Christ. 14. Well, no wonder! Even Satan can disguise himself to look like an angel of light! EQ.

And that is what Paul and his men’s club has done. Paul and his belief business. Belief saves on swords. They have convinced the world to respect their religions of bald face hateful lies. An attack on women, children, knowledge and wisdom. A celebration of holy evil thousands of years long. So long that even intelligent primates will claim affiliation to the organizations and not question for a moment that they are condoning the rule of the slime creatures of hell.

vs. 16: I repeat: no one should think that I am a fool. EQ.

“No Paul. I don’t think you are a fool. I think you are brilliant. You have fooled the world. Made them think you worked for Jesus Christ when really you are the devil. But your joke must come to an end. You are criminally insane and you are killing paradise.”

vs. 17: Of course what I am saying now is not what the Lord would like me to say... EQ.

Ah. Really.

vs. 23: I sound like a madman... EQ.

Ah. Really.

Vs. 23: but I am a better servant that they are! EQ.

“Now this actually, just maybe, if we get past the critical point which we just passed a little while ago, and find sanity, this just might be true.”

“How come.”

“For Paul has had the kindness to make his writing a virtual time bomb. For anyone who is not a believer that is just crazy enough to study his writing will take the chance that Paul almost is begging someone to take to kick the living shit out of him. Virtually. With words.”

“So he can’t lose. Either he is a hero for making such a fine religion of ignorance and hate. Or he is a hero when he motivates some descendent of Esau to wage a war on the holy liars.”

Vs. 23: … I have worked much harder, I have been in prison more times, I have been whipped much more, and I have been near death more often. 24. Five times I was given the thirty-nine lashes by the Jews; 25: three times I was whipped by the Romans; and once I was stoned. I have been in three shipwrecks, and once I spent twenty-four hours in the water. EQ.

That is about the half of it. He goes one perhaps to make certain we know he is shooting the shit. Maybe so people, idiots and fools, will think he is even greater than Moses and Mohamed and Jesus wrapped in one. What he is trying to show is that because he has suffered so much for God’s sake, you should believe everything he tells you.

And that is in no way logical. Even if everything he says happened to him did, which is not possible for a frail man like Paul, it does not prove anything about what he says.

“I work all day to pay the fucking bills around here so you will bloody well do and think what I tell you or I will tan your hide.”

“I crossed over the mountains with no shoes so do what I tell you and don’t fuck with me.”

“I went to see God up in the mountain for 40 days and he only talks to me. No one else is allowed to talk to God but me. God said. I am the Lord and if you don’t do what the Lord says I’ll cut off your fucking head.”

vs. 31: The God and Father of the Lord Jesus - blessed be his name for ever! knows that I am not lying. EQ.

“Bullshit. Paul you are the biggest liar since Moses.”

“Maybe he is Moses.”

“Same shit, different asshole.”

“And you have cursed the name of Jesus Christ.”

“And your feet stink.”

“And you have bad breath.”


chapter 12

vs. 1: I have to boast, even though it doesn’t do any good. EQ.

Paul is always boasting that he was the last man on earth to talk to Jesus Christ. He refers to him as the Lord. Exactly as did Moses.

“Moses was a couple thousand years before Jesus Christ.”

“They are both characters. And they are our characters in the theater we perform. And the theater is done and we need to write a new one. And after that is written, a new one to replace that one.”

Vs. 6: If I wanted to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be telling the truth. EQ.

Paul was impotent. Your narrator does not say this to be mean. It is the matter of Paul that makes him so mean. It is his weakness that he talks of and it is motivation to propagate the concept of sexual immorality.

Asimov had a character called the Mule in the 2nd or 3rd book of The Foundation. The Mule could manipulate emotions and he could do it so that you were his slave. And he was a pathetic ass like Paul. He could not love and therefore was not loved. He used his talent to his own selfish whims at the cost of all who he manipulated.

The Mules one weakness was that he loved and admired one woman. He stayed out of her head. Did not read or manipulate her feelings.

She took him down. But we will say no more so that we don’t spoil the plot. We will say, however, that most great story writers have studied the Bible. It is one of the most important fairy tales ever written and a serious writer does not get away with not reading it.

In fact, anyone interested in modern culture will have to deal with the monotheistic religions. And anyone who proclaims they believe any one of the three big ones also must study them. All three are built from the same material.

“Luckily the Barbaralba Bible makes the task of reading the holy shit much easier.”

“It very likely will be required reading in high schools.”

“I can’t think of any reason why anyone would have anything against it.”

People. We don’t want to be saved by artificial intelligence. It will not be good for our relationship with AI. We need to be sane before then.

“What.”

“That’s in reference to Asimov.”

vs. 14: It is you I want, not your money. EQ.

No. Paul wants both. But he likely cares less about the money for he already owns everything. He wants obedience to him. Lucifer. Satan. Death. Hate.

vs. 16: ...But someone will say that I was crafty, and trapped you with lies. EQ.

Well, Paul, my sad and pathetic failed soul. I believe you wanted someone to call you on it. Acknowledge your brilliance.

Vs. 20: I am afraid that when I get there I will find you different from what I would like you to be and you will find me different from what you would like me to be. EQ.

Paul wants us to admit that the devil is real and that he owns the monotheistic religions. Making him the most powerful man in the western world. All done with a few crafty letters.

“Impressive.”

“Yes, but like the Mule, he has fed on hunger and fear. The lowest form of vampirism.”

Vs. 21: I am afraid that the next time I come my God will humiliate me in your presence, and I shall weep over many who sinned in the past and have not repented of the immoral things they have done – their lust and their sexual sins. EQ.

Accept your impotence, Paul. Don’t make the rest of the world slaves to a lie. Sex is evolution. It is a big part of what we are.

You miserable fuck.


second corinthians chapters 13