steve howard's update of the new testament
BARBARALBA BIBLE

THE NEW NEW TESTAMENT

Paul's first letter to the CORINTHIANS

 

chapter 01

“Why the hell do people even believe there was a Paul or Moses or Abraham or God.”

“Why the hell do people believe in Peter Pan or Santa Clause or Batman or George Bush.”

“Wait, George Bush don’t fit.”

“We were gonna play that old game which one of these things don’t belong but since you blew it already let me tell you what the biggest trouble is. What we got for a grand situation is that most people are board. They got too little to do or too much stupid stuff to do they don’t wanna do so instead of doing something with their lives they wanna have someone else tell them a nice or scary story. And ain’t nothing wrong with that sort of thing except that the story becomes more alive then most anyone’s life and suddenly people are talking about God and Batman as if they are real.”

“People gonna get over worshipping God but I don’t know about Batman.”

vs. 5: For in union with Christ you have become rich in all things, including all speech and all knowledge. EQ.

“So there I am in Guyana talking to an Amerindian and suddenly I was a wondering what her religion was.”

“Why you wanna wonder about her religion.”

“If you know someone’s religion you know what paranoia they most love and what things not to say. Like when you are talking to a Jew, it’s better not to talk about genocide. Or if you are talking to a Moslem, you don’t want to talk about suicide bombing. And if you are talking to a Christian, you don’t wanna say shit piss fuck Mother Mary was rapped and Jesus Christ was a bastard.”

“But that’s all true.”

“Yes, but anyone who has a religion avoids true things and takes offence in them when someone points them out.”

“Like saying God is a character in a book.”

“For example.”

“So what was the Amerindian’s religion.”

“If I had been on a horse I’d have fallen off when I saw her look at me.”

“How’s she look at ya.”

“Like I musta come from another planet not to know such a thing.”

“So what was her religion.”

“Christian.”

“Well, obviously after a hundred million years being anything else.”

“That’s what I figured. Jesus Christ woman, why in Gods’ names you wanna be a fuckin’ slave to the bullshit stories of Paul. Batman is cooler.”

vs. 13: Christ has been divided into groups! EQ.

Christ has been sliced up and dried out in the sun and sold to murder and plunder corporations to laminate on their lying smiling representatives and advisors who waltz into countries with non-Christian cultures and mineral resource.

“Hi, we are here to ram Jesus up you ass
and steal your oil to make it gas.
What pretty skin so nice and brown
say good-bye jungle we chop it down.
So much gold you cannot use
so we take it all and sell you old shoes.
Smile at us and shake our hands
we have come to rape your lands.”

vs. 17: ... to tell the Good News, and to tell it without using the language of human wisdom... EQ.

“What. What language do they use, these fucking back stabbing murdering Good News childrenfuckers.”

“Gibberish. You can’t contradict gibberish for is swallows all logic and makes it gibberish.”

vs. 19: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and set aside the understanding of the scholars.” EQ.

“With rivers of blood you murdering pricks. You vile tyrannical slugs of hell. You living scum off the shit of slugs from south of Hell.”

“You mean east don’t you.”

“No, the wind comes from the north in Hell so south of Hell sucks the most and that’s where the evilest lying soulless living scum off the shit of slugs come from and they quite often land in positions of great power when they slither to earth and start vomiting gibberish to the world which translated mean, I will piss in your eyes with my acid waste, I will claw out your balls with rusty spoons and make you eat them while I …”

“So, obey of torture. God is the lowest of all life forms.”

“God is not a life form. It is an evil propagated paranoia. The slim from the shit of the slugs of hell proclaim affinity to God to scare the living kingdom of God out of the ignorant. The majority.”

“It is all very confusing.”

“It is fucking gold mania. The evil slim from the shit of the slugs from hell has poisoned our minds with fear of permanent torture in a living death and the promise of eternal bliss with a price tag on it. We are sending the planet into a disaster that will never ever return to how is was. Because we are hooked on fantasy. And addicted to lies.”

Christ Jesus. Wake up and stop your idiocy believing. We are in very big trouble now.

vs. 21: ... God decided to save those who believe. EQ.

No. Again to be serious and without too many fantastic adjectives. There is no such thing as one true God. Not even one big bastard prick God or Devil. The idea of such things comes from hundreds of thousands of years staring into the campfire. It was a slow awakening to ideas. But do to our present situation of world plunder crises. It is necessary that you fuck your belief and wake the fuck up.

vs. 27: God purposely chose what the world considers nonsense in order to shame the wise... EQ.

No. God did not anything purposely to us silly fucking humans. Some prick simply wrote that to piss off anyone not a complete fucking idiot.

Ignorance is a tool of slavery. As long as the masses stay ignorant, they will be obedient frightened fighting slaves, willing to sell eternity for a few pathetic days of fantasy.

Well. Fuck off. Right the fuck off the planet. You lying pricks and the rest of you stop being so fucking ignorant. Stop your unquestioned acceptance of any shit any slug of hell sells you as holy. There is no one and no thing holy.

Stop believing.


chapter 02

vs. 1: When I came to your, my brothers, to preach God’s secret truth I did not use big words and great learning. EQ.

No. Paul uses absurd apologetics based on asinine assumptions. There are no secrets. There are many things we don’t yet know. They are not secrets, however. At the time of the start of religion there was very little known. There are a few more things now known. For example, no one then knew of dinosaurs, we now know of dinosaurs. Most of them died many millions of years ago. Some of them are now birds and lizards. We know the earth is about five billion years old. It started out as hot liquid rock. It cooled and formed a crust. After less than a billion years there was life. Now there is a life form that knows many things about the planet, how it was formed. How life came about. Those were secrets for Paul but they have been revealed through examination. Discovery. And we know enough now to know that God did not do it all in 6 days. 13.7 billion years it has taken. It will take a long time to know all there is to know. None of it will be revealed by any religion’s idiot God.

vs. 6: ... But it is not the wisdom that belongs to this world or the powers that rule this world - powers that are losing their power. EQ.

So far the powers of tyranny have not lost their power for we continue to believe the religions we have been handed down by our parents. And of all those willing to speak up for their religion, almost none know the first thing about their religion. Almost none have taken time to read and understand what they so proudly support. Proud and ignorant.

Vs. 12: We have not received this world’s spirit; instead we have received the Spirit sent by God, so that we may know all that God has given us. EQ.

“What.”

The spirit of man has been systematically beaten out of him and her with the lie of a spirit outside of life that comes from a fickle tyrant in the sky since the fuckin’ prick Jacob fucked over his brother, the man of the wild. Don’t take it literally. See that we have slaughtered most of life to build a safe shopping mall and hide in a fantasy.

Tear down the shopping malls. Let back the forests and jungles. Not just for the sake of millions of species of animals, birds, fish, insects, bacteria and plants. For what do they really matter. Bitch. But for the selfish myopic idiot humans. For without the rest of life, there is no life. Just mechanical slavery to tyrannical dictators.

And that is nowhere. And you don’t need no fucking revealed secrets from no prick’s God to see it if you just fucking well open your fucking eyes and see. Open your fucking ears and fucking well hear.

And if you are so fucking arrogant to support a death cult religion. Judaism. Christianity. Islam. Then bloody well read the bloody books you say you believe.

For fuck sake.


chapter 03

vs. 3: ... When there is jealousy among you and you quarrel with one another, doesn’t this prove that you belong to this world, living by its standards? EQ.

Well, Paul is either perfectly wrong or right on. The writers. And I’m certain this was designed to be a time bomb. Just waiting to be read and understood.

Paul’s conclusions are deliberately misleading. They always return to God.

“Tell them of the preacher.”

“One Sunday my friend and I joined my father for a sermon of a brilliant preacher. He explained with such wisdom and beauty for all up to the end of his sermon. And at the end of the sermon he ended it like the ending of Ecclesiastes. And like the end of Ecclesiastes that was obviously written by another writer at a later date so that the book could be included in a collection of less philosophical writing, the preacher, instead of concluding anything else, concluded that we should worship God. And no one noticed the previous brilliance of his sermon. Except one young man sitting up in the balcony who was greatly inspired by his words. Those with ears, let them hear the whole story.”

“Why are we always told to worship God.”

“Subordination is what the ruling class needs and demands to feed their greedy egos.”

Vs. 16: Surely you know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you! EQ.

This is close to making sense. If we can make the leap from God to Life it would become clear. Temple must mean something a little less religious but the idea that we are of the universe and everything we are is the universe, scaled down, of course, we could get to the point where we start to like ourselves. Not to measure ourselves against the shopping mall world of who has what and which silly title but to find the kingdom of life, the spirit, or the eternal instinct, that is within. We are not new here. We are only new to understanding that we are here. And in a very real way, we have yet to begin the world of conscious beast angels.

And we will be freed from belief and feel confident with action. We will know that we are directly responsible for our actions. Even a soldier will know when to say no, I will not kill women and children any more. For I know that my leader is not ordained by God. He is just another mad ape like the rest of us. And it has become obvious that the poor are sent to war to kill the poor. To amuse the warlords. And make them rich in artificial luxury.

Vs. 21: No one, then, should boast about what men can do. Actually everything belongs to you: 22. Paul, Apollos, and Peter; this world, life and death, the present and the future – all these are yours, 23. And you belong to Christ, and Christ belongs to God. EQ.

“What.”

“Paul, who wants us to believe he is not boasting, boasts that the world belongs to him and his two friends. And in a way, it does, as long as monotheistic madness molds the minds of the ignorant masses, he has won with his story.”

“Except that it was written in such a way that some one would come along and tear it apart bit by bit.”

“Ever lie will eventually be exposed.”

“Even the three towers shamble.”

“Every lie.”

Vs. 19: … “God traps the wise in their cleverness”: 20. And another scripture says, “The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are worthless.” EQ.

“What.”

“The scripture is clogged up with absurd apologetics and outright gibberish. Men and women can do anything they chose as soon as they let go of their God paranoia. And no one owns anything. No one belongs to Christ. Christ belongs to no one. God is a character in a book. It is mindfuck. Religion is war against the clever and the wise. The wise know that there is no future in a world of ignorant slaves pillaging the planet for the slime of the slugs of hell who call themselves the ruling class. Their day is done. The new age will see them fade like the shit spread out on a field to fertilize the hey.”

“Maybe God has trapped you in your cleverness.”

“The gods have blessed me with cleverness. But let us rather say life. Billions of years of evolution. Billions of years of instinct. The instinct to knowledge through the living language. Language, the holy spirit. A real living thing. Living through and beyond us. Paul is simply wrong when he curses the wise and the clever. And since he is also no fool, perhaps he is just being a silly bugger. Just like the pricks at the very start of Genesis. The best thing anyone ever did was to take from the tree of knowledge. The worst thing was to curse Eve. Upon knowledge we must have wisdom and never shall we come to a point where we can dare say we know everything. There is always more to understand. More to learn. When we start to become thinking beasts we will become the gods. The beast angels. The Übermensch. And we will understand how very little we know compared to what we don’t.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier just to take a religion and obey.”

“Of course it would be easier. But it is a lie. And it is certainly the end of a could have been god’s species.”


corinthians chapters 04 - 06