chapter 10

vs. 1: There was a man in Caesarea named Cornelius, who was a captain in the roman regiment called “The Italian Regiment.” 2. He was a religious man; he and his whole family worshipped God. EQ.

And he too had a vision and talked to an angel. So either he was visited by a human with a white robe on or he had a hallucination. Something people do when they are fasting.

We have a problem people. Jesus is barely down from the cross, done with his campaign of trying to get people to see the difference between real and illusion. And he is simply ignored. There is no one true God to be worshipped. Worship is a social sickness. And military rule sucks.

We, including other animals, are the gods. Not perfect. Not to be worshipped. We have the word. Language. We commune and learn and enjoy the company of one another. And we create. And we evolve. And we execute our will.

Peter also has a vision, while waiting for something to eat. Mass hysteria.

Vs. 11: He saw heaven open and something coming down that looked like a large sheet being lowered by its four corners to the earth. 12. In it were all kinds of animals, reptiles, and wild birds. 13. A voice said to him, “Get up, Peter; kill and eat!” EQ.

He argues that he can’t eat things unclean.

And the voice said, “Do what I fucking well tell you.” Three times.

Vs. 19: Peter was still trying to understand what the vision meant, when the Spirit said, “Listen! Three men are here looking for you. EQ.

Peter went on down to see who they were.

Vs. 22: “Captain Cornelius sent us,” they answered. “He is a good man who worships God and is highly respected by all the Jewish people. EQ.

Never mind that every murdering prick claims the same. In this case, they explained an angel wanted Peter to come to visit Cornelius. So the next day they go.

Vs. 25: As Peter was about to go in, Cornelius met him, fell at his feet, and bowed down before him. 26. But Peter made him rise. “Stand up.” he said; “I myself am only a man.” EQ.

Peter goes in and sees the place is full of Gentiles. A quick penis inspection makes this clear.

vs. 28: “You yourself know very well that a Jew is not allowed by his religion to visit or associate with Gentiles.” EQ.

Peter, luckily had a dream about lizards and osprey coming down on a sheet and the voice telling him to eat.

And it made perfect sense. People not Jewish could give them money too.

“You mean become part of the New Church.”

“The daughter company of Judaism.”

Vs. 34: Peter began to speak: “I now realize that it is true that God treats everyone on the same basis. 35. Whoever worships him and does what is right is acceptable to him, no matter what race he belongs to. EQ.

Pretty good thinking on Peter’s part. The chosen race had a shit load of money but the rest of the world had some too. And as long as they followed the rules of the new men’s club and paid their dues, fuck it. What does it matter what ape title they hold.

Peter goes on to explain that the Jews killed Jesus by nailing him to a cross. And this could become quite tedious for a Jew. But alas, they started the bullshit with monotheism. Now they get it back in their lying faces.

Peter tells the people only the chosen 12 got to see Jesus after he was raised from the dead. And they were to carry on his work.

Now this is not true. For Mary, his mother, and Mary Magdalene saw him. But what it does suggest is that they are telling a lie. They took the dead body of Jesus and buried it somewhere else. Or used it as fish bait. And this is what the Jews believe.

Not the fish bait part. But that the dead stay dead. Which is true enough.

vs. 44: While Peter was still speaking, the Holy Spirit came down on all those who were listening to his message. 45. The Jewish believers that had come from Joppa with Peter were amazed that God had poured out his gift of the Holy Spirit on the Gentiles also. EQ.

This tells us a few things. Jews tend to be arrogant self-righteous myopic morons holding onto a silly horror fantasy story that propagates hatred to all Gentiles. The going out to teach the gospel never happened. The Christian Church is full of shit and has nothing to do with the teaching of Jesus Christ. Who, in real reality is a character in a book. Until we make that character part of us. Meaning, we look to see where we are and embrace the here and now. And love it.

“So anyone can be Jesus.”

“Anyone is Jesus.”


chapter 11

vs. 2: When Peter went to Jerusalem, those who were in favour of circumcising Gentiles criticized him, saying, 3. “You were a guest in the home of uncircumcised Gentiles, and you even ate with them!” EQ.

What an outrage. A Jew spending time with uncircumcised Gentiles. How could anyone be so base. And how come Peter wasn’t yet circumcised.

“Do they always have their dicks hanging out.”

“For sure. That is the custom. Show your dick so everyone knows who is from the chosen race and who is to be murdered or made a slave.”

Peter tells them the vision about dinosaurs, bats, snakes and an uncircumcised pig coming down out of heaven on a white sheet. He stood beside it and saw all the unclean animals and a voice told him to kill and eat. God cleaned them all. And that is why he went to visit Gentiles and petition them to the New Church of Rome.

And your narrator can’t get over how there is so little difference in this story from the Torah.

Vs. 17: It is clear that God gave those Gentiles the same gift that he gave us when we believed in the Lord Jesus Christ; who was I, then, to try to stop God!”
18. When they heard this, they stopped their criticism and praised God, saying, “Then God has given to the Gentiles also the opportunity to repent and live!” EQ.

“And if you buy that, I got a bottle of mineral oil that will cure all your ailments. And it only cost 36 pieces of silver.”

Like the Torah, every story is told a few times in slightly different ways. This is done to drive a point home. And since there is no point most of the time, it may be done to discourage the reader from reading the godsdamn book.

Vs. 22: The news about this reached the church in Jerusalem, so they sent Barnabas to Antioch. EQ.

He brought more people to the Lord.

“Who was the Lord.”

“Doesn’t matter. It’s just an idea. The idea that there are Lords who should have servants that obey and serve.”

“God made that a rule, didn’t he.”

“It is highly unlikely that a God of a universe would have a flawed ego and rage hell on the one planet in the universe that had creatures in his image that were all a bunch of ignorant slaves to tyrants. One would hope a God so grand would not be such a narrow minded myopic prick.”

“So the Lord was just some guy.”

“Some tyrant. Though often they refer to Jesus Christ as the Lord of all.”

“Why do they do that.”

“Because the lying pricks don’t want any insubordination.”

Vs. 25: Then Barnabas went to Tarsus to look for Saul. EQ.

They propagated their gibberish to large crowds.

Vs. 26: … It was at Antioch that the believers were first called Christians. EQ.

It didn’t really catch on until a few hundred years later when Christianity was married to Rome officially but Constantine, the prick.

“And murderer.”

“And paranoid psychopath.”

“History is fucking grim.”

“It’s the backward thrust to shoot us into the clean space age. The age of enlightenment. Just you wait and see.”

Agabus predicted a severe famine was about to cover the whole earth. That would be the known world. Known by the ignorant.

So they then sent piles of money to the church elders by Barnabas and Saul.

Go fuckin’ figure.

 

chapter 12

Here we go. Some grand events to understand.

Vs. 1: About this time King Herod began to persecute some members of the church. 2. He had James, the brother of John, put to death by the sword. 3. When he saw that this please the Jews, he went on to arrest Peter. EQ.

This was Herod Agrippa l, ruler of all Palestine. And in case anyone missed the paradox, Herod did not give a shit about the Jews. He had many people killed because that is what rulers do. To weed out anyone that might be a potential troublemaker. And to instill fear.

Herod wanted to make an example of Peter. Peter was chained and locked in prison with guards watching him.

And the night before his trial an angel wanders in and wakes him up and takes him outside. Chains fall off, gates open automatically and guards don’t notice any of it.

“Sound reasonable.”

“Much more reasonable than a few hundred armed Christian soldiers.”

When Peter realizes he is standing alone out on the street he figures he isn’t having a vision.

So he goes on over to the home of Mary, any Mary, and they are all there praying for him. He knocks on the door and the servant recognizes his voice but doesn’t open the door and tells everyone Peter is at the door. They don’t believe her but Peter keeps knocking until someone finally opens the door. And they still can’t believe it.

Peter assures them he is real and goes to a whorehouse.

“No he didn’t.”

“He might have.”

“He likely went and got drunk at the tavern and planned to murder Herod.”

Well, when Herod got the news that Peter was out and could not be found he had the guards put to death. Then he went to Caesarea.

Vs. 20: Herod was very angry with the people of Tyre and Sidon, so they went in a group to see him. First they convinced Blastus, the man in charge of the palace that he should help them. EQ.

Now we must stop. And think. What do they mean, the writers, when they say convinced Blastus.

“They sliced his neck.”

“Maybe. Or maybe they paid him a good chunk of money.”

“Neck slicing is cheaper.”

“Okay, we go with neck slicing.”

What we have is an angry hoard storming a palace. And this would mean a large number and weapons.

Vs. 21: On a chosen day Herod put on his royal robes, sat on his throne, and made a speech to the people. 22. “It isn’t a man speaking, but a god!” they shouted. 23. At once the angel of the Lord struck Herod down, because he did not give honour to God. He was eaten by worms and died. EQ.

Which means. He was killed, then eaten by worms. He was slaughtered by the Christians. Because he did not respect them. He didn’t respect anyone or anyone’s bullshit god. He was just another typical greedy tyrant.

“Mad childfucker.”

But most important. He was in the way of the new craze.

One man was not going to stop the Christian movement.

Vs. 24: Meanwhile the word of God continued to spread and grow.
25. Barnabas and Saul finished their mission and returned from Jerusalem, taking John Mark with them. EQ.

We can only guess that his mission was to have Herod murdered.

The Christian soldiers had a good start to their bloody world take over. In the name of God and Jesus Christ.

“They didn’t know about Mickey Mouse and Spider Man.”

“They didn’t know fuck all. Just a bunch of crazed mad myopic apes on a rampage.”

“Religion truly sucks.”

“It is the most wicked curse this world has known.”

“And they don’t even know it.”

“The devil’s best trick was to make religion.”


acts chapters 13 - 15