chapter 07

vs. 2: you must doom them to destruction: grant them no terms and give them no quarter. EQ

The Lord God is going to rid your promised land of Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. Seven nations much larger than you. If they were all the same they would have had 4 million soldiers. And a population between 10 and 30 million people.

Either not true or very scary.

You must kill 'em all. The numbers are crazy for 3 or 4 thousand years ago. In such a small place. But it is estimated that the European invasion of the Americas accounted for the genocide of 50 to 100 million Amerindians.

We are very capable of mass murder.

Anyway, not like the Amerindians where some survived, here in the holy land, kill them all. Doom them to destruction. Don't intermarry, giving sons or daughters, they'll tell them our God, Me, is a big fat lie. And you'll worship their gods and I'll wipe you out. So tear down their alters, their symbols. And burn everything.

Of all the people on the planet, I have chosen you. Not because you were any good, just 'cause I liked you. So I gave you into slavery for 430 years so that you could breed at the expensive of Egypt than I took you out to make an army of child murders.

If you obey, you will multiply. Bless your wombs, your soil, grains, vines, oils, pregnant cows and sheep. No one, no animal shall be sterile. None will be sick. The diseases we used on Egyptians, we'll use on all our enemies.

Destroy all people. Show no pity. Don't worship their Gods. I am your wonderful God, freeing you from the 431 contract one year early. I used my latest biological weapons and pyrotechnics. Years ahead of our enemies. I am a great and awesome God.

We won't kill 'em all at once or the sky will be filled with flies and vultures and the land covered in rotten flesh eating vermin. Disease will rage. So we'll kill 'em slowly.

We will terrorize them. Send them into panic. And wipe them out. Rub out their names from history. Burn their gods. The gold and silver must be held by our priests so you don't covet it.

We should mention, to avoid any animosity toward the Israelites, that this is not so unusual to make endless excuses for why it is a good thing to slaughter millions. Basically it comes down to, they ain’t us, their ways are evil, they must be wiped off the face of the planet.

And, we’ll be much better off once they are gone for we will have their wealth and their land.

The mad murdering thieving ape syndrome.

May the gods have mercy on us. And may we heal ourselves before they get here.

“But we are here.”


chapter 08

Obey and you will procreate like lemmings.

Remember the 40 years of torture in the desert. Forget the 400 as slaves. It was all a test to see if you would still obey after I killed everyone that didn't.

"Lord, God, you are one fucked up motherfucker. Raper."

"Who said that."

I made you hunger then gave you only manna. 40 years.

"Boring."

"Man don't live by bread alone."

The Lord can make a law that says Man lives by manna alone. But did your clothes wear out. Or your feet. I treat you like my own sons. Or like some one would. If they were raving mad.

For we are going to a new land with wheat and barley, vines, figs and pomegranates, olive trees and honey. Loads of food prepared by the ten million people that must die.

They got iron and copper mines. Eat and give thanks.

Follow my laws. Eat well, build fine houses, breed your wives and animals. Collect silver and gold.

But don't forget the torture you went through to become an army that is capable of slaughtering millions. I gave you water from a rock. Fed you manna.

I am the mighty God, you are merely my slaves. I have given Me great wealth.

Obey me or I'll kill you.

Let’s try a slightly different angle just for fun.

Let us say we are talking billions of years. That from the fire came mineral and from the mineral came water. Or after the rocks cooled, water was no longer vaporized. Eventually, not much more than half a billion years, there was life on the earth. And it was very simple and it was hard. Billions of years it was hard. 13 billion. More than 8 billion nothing more than hell fire. And in the last 600 million, say half billion, life, that’s us, started evolving. And it was still very hard but it was already a long way from hell fire. The earth was covered in plants and animals. A hot planet after the long ice age. And dinosaurs of great size ruled with no great minds. Not all were stupid, mind you, but it took a few more millions of years before any sings of the gods came about. And that time is now. The last million and a half years. And we are them. And if you understand that God, the one God, is fire, perhaps this is the story behind the story.


chapter 09

vs. 3: … none other than the Lord your God is crossing at your head, a devouring fire. EQ

Pay attention Israel, you are about to invade nations with greater numbers, bigger cocks and wider shoulders. But don't worry, you have the God fire. Devour your enemy. I your Lord God will destroy them.

Not because the chosen race is virtuous. More on account everyone else is most wicked. And God don't like wickedness and will kill everyone not in the bloody fire and thunder death cult. Nation after nation.

'Cause I like Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

So don't think you deserve my devotion, you stiffnecked defiant people. Remember and never forget that I was going to kill you all and I went into the mountain with no water or bread and only wine and a side of beef. Twenty egg laying chickens, 3 slave boys. And the Lord made tablets and the Lord said look, they already make an idol and worship it instead of the holy bloody alter which don't count as an idol on account we always have lots of burning fat.

Go down Moses, the stiffnecked people forget who took them out of Egypt. I will destroy them all. And blot Israel out of existence.

And I saw the Lord was right to be pissed and I smashed the holy tablets and went made some new ones and did another 40 days on the mountain.

And I pleaded with the Lord. And I saved Aaron from his wrath. I burnt the gold calf and made it into powder and threw it in the river. Last time I said drinking water. Maybe I mean the same thing.

And some of you did a battle I told you not to and died.

The second 40 days I was prostrate to the Lord. Don't kill them. They know not what the fuck Egypt was and you remember you said to Ab, Isaac and Jacob you'd make their descendents cover the universe, so if you kill 'em all then other people will say, look, the mighty Lord God of the Israelites took them out to the wilderness and let them all die.

"God is weird."

"God is the greatest and Israel will rule the universe. There can be only one chosen royal family."

Again, let us imagine the wilderness is everywhere but Earth. And here on Earth up until the last half billion years wasn’t anything more than wilderness. And let us say not Egypt, for they have had enough heat from this silly book. Let us say out of the bondage of ignorance. And set us on the path to become the gods. And should we take the opportunity to embrace the tree of knowledge and also the tree of life, the few hundred million years of evolving consciousness after a few billion of not being, is but a small price to pay to have all of the heavens opened up to us. Once again.

Maybe we will have to share some of it with other gods but they too will be us when they and we have become what we will become.


chapters 10 - 12