chapter 07

The Lord God is going to rid your promised land of Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. Seven nations much larger than you. If they were all the same they would have 4 million soldiers. And a population between 10 and 30 million people.

Either not true or very scary.

You must kill 'em all. The numbers are crazy for 4 or 6 thousand years ago. In such a small place. But it is estimated that the European invasion of the Americas accounted for the genocide of 100 million humans.

We are very capable of mass murder.

Anyway, not like the American Indians where some survived, here in the holy land, kill them all. Doom them to destruction. Don't intermarry, giving sons or daughters, they'll tell them our God, me, is a big fat lie. And you'll worship their gods and I'll wipe you out. So tear down their alters, their symbols. And burn everything.

Of all the people on the planet, I have chosen you. Not because you were any good, just 'cause I liked you. So I gave you into slavery for 400 years than took you out to make an army of child murders.

If you obey, you will multiply. Bless your wombs, your soil, grains, vines, oils, pregnant cows and sheep. No one, no animal shall be sterile. None will be sick. The diseases we used on Egyptians, we'll use on all our enemies.

Destroy all people. Show no pity. Don't worship their Gods. I am your wonderful God, freeing you from the 401 contract one year early. I used my latest biological weapons and pyrotechnics. Years ahead of our enemies. I am a great and awesome God.

We won't kill 'em all at once or the sky will be filled with flys and vultures and the land covered in rotten flesh eating vermin. Disease will rage. So we'll kill 'em slowly.

We will terrorize them. Send them into panic. And wipe them out. Rub out their names from history. Burn their gods. The gold and silver must be held by our priests so you don't covet it.

chapter 08

Obey and you will procreate like lemmings.

Remember the 40 years of torture in the desert. Forget the 400 as slaves. It was all a test to see if you would still obey after I killed everyone that didn't.

"Lord, God, you are one fucked up motherfucker. Raper."

"Who said that."

I made you hunger then gave you only manna. 40 years.

"Boring."

"Man don't live by bread alone."

The Lord can make a law that says Man lives by manna alone. But did your clothes wear out. Or your feet. I treat you like my own sons. Or like some one would.

For we are going to a new land with wheat and barley, vines, figs and pomegranates, olive trees and honey. Loads of food prepared by the ten million people that must die.

They got iron and copper mines. Eat and give thanks.

Follow my laws. Eat well, build fine houses, breed your wives and animals. Collect silver and gold.

But don't forget the torture you went through to become an army that is capable of slaughtering millions. I gave you water from a rock. Fed you manna.

I am the mighty God, you are merely my slaves. I have given me great wealth.

Obey me or I'll kill you.

chapter 09

Pay attention Israel, you are about to invade nations with greater numbers, bigger cocks and wider shoulders. But don't worry, you have the God fire. Devour your enemy. I your Lord God will destroy them.

Not because the chosen race is virtuous. More on account everyone else is most wicked. And God don't like wickedness and will kill everyone not in the bloody fire and thunder death cult. Nation after nation.

'Cause I like Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

So don't think you deserve my devotion, you stiff necked defiant people. Remember and never forget that I was going to kill you all and I went into the mountain with no water or bread and only wine and a side of beef. Two chickens, 3 slave boys. And the Lord made tablets and the Lord said look, they already make an idol and worship it instead of the holy bloody alter which don't count as an idol on account we always have lots of burning fat.

Go down Moses, the stiff necked people forget who took them our of Egypt. I will destroy them all. And blot Israel out of existence.

And I saw the Lord was right to be pissed and I smashed the holy tablets and went made some new ones and did another 40 days on the mountain.

And I pleaded with the Lord. And I saved Aaron from his wrath. I burnt the gold calf and made it into powder and threw it in the river. Last time I said drinking water. Maybe I mean the same thing.

And you did a battle I told you not to and died.

40 days I was prostrate to the Lord. Don't kill them. They know not what the fuck Egypt was and you remember you said to Ab, Isaac and Jacob you'd make their descendents cover the universe, so if you kill 'em all then other people will say, look, the mighty Lord God of the Israelites took them out to the wilderness and let them all die.

"God is weird."

"God is the greatest and Israel will rule the universe. There can be only one chosen royal family."


chapters 10 - 12