chapter 22

Many laws are about steeling cattle and sheep. Eat someone's ox and they catch you, pay five. For a sheep, pay four.

If it ain't eaten or dead then the payment is two.

If someone leaves money at a friends house and the money is spent by the friend to buy cocaine and weapons off the Egyptian black market, the friend must tell God and friend to fuck off and it's okay.

Now when raping virgins without getting maride. Paying the bride price. And the man is caught, he has to pay the virgin daughter price to the raped kids dad. In case he can't sell her used.

Any woman showing signs of life not in accordance to the accepted laws of obedience for a military men's club, shall be murdered.

No fucking animals. Domestic or wild.

Death to sheep fuckers.

Death to anyone not following the one true totalitarian God head figure. Moses. The pope. Bushit.

The big lie.

Anyone who pisses with orphans or widows will be hacked to death with a sword.

The first born of everything, including son's shall be handed over to the bastard priests.

chapter 23

Don't kill people from your tribe especially if they didn't do nothin' bad.

Don't take bribes 'cause they tend to cloud your judgment.

Don't talk about other Gods.

Party three times a year in my honor.

The first fruit yields are paid to the priests.

Don't boil a kid in it's mother's milk.

After the Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites and Canaanites have been slaughtered, don't bow to their Gods and destroy everything. That way none of your women will be barren or have miscarrages.

I will terrorize your enemy. I will send plagues on their land. We will kill them all eventually because they are all evil.

Every last motherfuckin' one of them.

chapter 24

The people agreed to the terms of totalitarian rule. Rather than get hacked up by a sword wielding idiot soldier.

So Moses had another alter built, slaughtered some cattle. Filled up some basins with the blood. Sprinkled some blood on the alter and threw the rest of the blood over the people.

"You are covered in blood now, so obey my rules."

After the show, Moses fucked off up the mountain for 40 days to hang with God and hammer some basic rules, random references, into stone.

To make his law official. Forever.


chapters 25 - 27